From a Cinewhore's Mind...

This Blog is Fuckin' Dead

2009-10-30T14:52:00.001+08:00

And I've got too many things to do to think about resurrecting it.

I foresee future posts will be very very sporadic.

Not that anyone cares.

Neckin' November, Huntress!

2009-03-20T01:14:00.000+08:00

Lots of shit went down in recent months in both the private and work sector of Ye Olde Cinewhore, resulting in this long-delayed roundup of last November's movies.

Quantum of Solace
After the strong showing of the franchise reboot Casino Royale, this became my most anticipated Bond movie since... well, ever. And I'm happy to report that it doesn't disappoint. Fatigue set in with the previous slightly overlong installment, but not with this lean and pacey thriller that clocked in below two hours (!). The setpieces are exciting and visceral, and the quieter emotional beats are rather well played, if a little on the nose sometimes (damn you, Forster & Haggis!). True, the rational given for the climactic multi-explosion seemed rather forced (a hotel in the middle of the desert has to be conveniently powered by extremely flammable fuel cells - really?!), but all in all, it was much better than what I expected. All in all, a very good thriller indeed.

The Carrot Cake Conversations
There's a lot of talking in here, and not much action, and nothing is really inherently cinematic. Frankly, it might be a lot better as a stage play. Andrea Fonseka acquits herself well, but unfortunately her character is completely unbelievable - a local prostitute that walks around Geylang, speaks good English, and harbors dreams of being a jazz singer? If there's someone like this out there, I'll print this page out and eat it. Most of the dialogue is like nothing any real person ever says, and it's all very indie and self-indulgent. It does get better towards the end, mainly thanks to Adrian Pang's down-to-earth performance, but the damage has been done. No fault of the actors though, as they're almost all decent. It just seems like this was made by some rich, pretentious guy with no idea what the real world is like. Oh wait, I think it was.

Blindness
Julianne Moore carries the entire film on her more than capable shoulders. This movie feels dirty and gritty and gross, and that's a big plus. It's just that there's nothing much more to the film than the Big Theme that jumps out and slaps you about the face. In fact, every character except Moore's is completely one-dimensional because they serve purpose other than to illustrate the Theme, and so every scene and every act proceeds to its logical and entirely predictable conclusion. It begins as it ends - abruptly, arbitrarily, and entirely pointlessly. It's a real disappointment from director Meirelles.

[Rec]
I saw Quarantine the month after I saw this, so I'll leave the comparisons to another post and just evaluate this as it is. The first 20 minutes or so, while anathema to a mainstream audience, is really nice setup - so mindnumbingly boring that you feel sorry for the protagonist and, like her, almost wish something would happen. And then, of course it does and the proverbial feces collides with the air circulation device. Wish fulfillment in a scary movie is never pretty, and take my word for it, this is a scary movie. A horror movie needs to be scary, above all, and this delivers the bloody goods with minimal cheap shocks. It's cheap (budget-wise), it's down-and-dirty, it's gimmicky, and it's also very effective. And when a horror movie works, all else are forgiven.

The Coffin
This is a pointed reminder (particularly after [Rec]'s effectiveness) that most so-called horror movies are nothing than a bunch of toothless clichés wandering around in a dark room. A pointless rehash of countless Asian horror flicks, this is completely devoid of scares or even chills. You get two major Asian stars, Karen Mok and the Thai guy whose name I can't spell, but they're in two separate storylines that are only perfunctorily linked at the end. Meanwhile, they're surrounded by an amateurish supporting cast and mope around getting haunted a lot. There's a lot of stupid emo bullshit stuff and random dripping blood, but the only frightful thing about this is how boring it all is.

Choke
The story for Fight Club appears to be a disjointed mess, but it was handled by David Fincher, and ended up being pure brilliance (some might argue that it's overrated, but I do love it so). The story for Choke, on the other hand, appears to be a disjointed mess, and handled by Clark Gregg, it ends up being, well, a really disjointed mess. It tries to be in-your-face and sexually and morally offensive and all, but in the end, it's nothing but random scenes and quirks wandering around looking for a semblance of some point - any point at all. And scarily enough, for all that quirk, it's all very narratively inert, and only comes alive whenever Anjelica Huston is onscreen, which is, sadly, not that often.

좋은 놈, 나쁜 놈, 이상한 놈 (The Good, the Bad and the Weird)
While I don't always like director Kim Jee-Woon's films (I found A Bittersweet Life, well, more bitterly boring than sweet), I'm usually able to find something interesting about them, whether it's playful visuals or re-interpretations of genres. This is no different - a visually stunning take on the Western with ample style and panache. Sure, the convoluted plot doesn't make complete sense, and it's a little too long, but man, the gunfights are amazing to look at and the energy level is insanely high. Really, who the hell cares when the results are so much fun?

Talk to Me
There's no buzz about this movie at all, despite having a stellar cast headed by Cheadle and Ejiofor, and the reason is that all the best actors in the world cannot make something amazing out of a trite, familiar biopic. Yes, the two have a wonderful chemistry together, and they really bring their relationship to life. Unfortunately, for a biopic about such a controversial figure, the movie chooses to play it safe and go the warm, and fuzzy route that we've all seen one too many times before. Plus, you know, it's a biopic, which means I'm predisposed to dislike it already.

Body of Lies
Ridley Scott seems to be phoning it in at this point in his career, making generic thrillers-of-the-day with star billing but unfortunately nothing much else in terms of writing. DiCaprio and Crowe are decent in their roles, but mostly forgettable, and needless to say, they are vastly overshadowed by actor Mark Strong in a supporting role. This guy has charisma and danger dripping from every pore. Director Scott also seems to be on autopilot, and everything feels very familiar and rote. There's also a very forced romance subplot that sticks out like a sore thumb. Reeks of mediocrity, and that's yet another disappointment this month.

海角 7 号 (Cape No. 7)
There's a nice helping of local Taiwanese flavor, which really brings the locale to life, aided in no small part by the strong and entertaining supporting cast. Unfortunately, these are the only things that stand out in this otherwise mediocre mish-mash of genres. In trying to be too many things, it ends up not being anything in particular, and most of the plotlines collapse under their own inherent flimsiness. The weakest link has to be the main romantic plot, with its pointless referencing of a decades-old relationship and some long-lost love letters, written in the most cringe-inducing, twee language imaginable. This main relationship is utterly unconvincing, and the leads are unable to do much with their one-note characters. All in all, a grossly overrated movie. I might be more lenient if it weren't such a big hit.

Zack and Miri Make a Porno
Kevin Smith attempts to do an Apatow and inject some sweetness into his typically raunchy comedies, but he simply isn't as adept as the latter in mixing the two, which results in a somewhat uneven and overlong movie. The humor is best described as hit or miss, with one rather traumatizingly awful shit joke that left me shaking my head in horror. Still, there are some genuinely funny-as-hell scenes, among which is Justin Long's bit part as an aggressively gay porn star. Rogen and Banks are convincing and winning in their portrayals, which go a long way towards gaining audience approval.

Actually, you know what, I think I liked the posters more than the movie.

Random Number of Random Things About Random Ol' Me

2009-02-13T13:39:00.004+08:00

In which I re-post some meme thing I wrote on Facebook because I am pathetic and have no life.

Rules:

Someone said the original number of things you're supposed to write was 16. Then it became 25. I'm just going to use a random number... say, 30.

And yes, you're supposed to write your own note and tag the same number of people as there are points in your note.

Bah.

My Random Number of Random Things About Random Ol' Me

1. This almost turned into a hate list until I decided to revise it. Still, there's a lot of hate in it. You have been warned.

2. In some ways, I'm ridiculously anal-retentive. Ideally, my DVDs, CDs and books would be divided into categories and alphabetized. (In reality, laziness has prevented me from doing so after I moved house) I sort my clothes into different categories and they're arranged according to color.

3. My biggest pet peeve with bad English is using the word "stuffs" as a noun. Eg. "Eh, where's my stuffs?" For the last time: Stuff is uncountable! There's no such thing as "your stuffs!" Stop it before someone STUFFS you into a duffel bag and throws you off a pier.

4. I have a thing about not wanting to read/watch/do what everyone else is reading/watching/doing. This leads to me not reading/watching/doing something until everyone else has already read/watched/done it. For instance, I only saw The O.C. this year, and I suspect I will not read the Twilight books for several years yet (if at all - I hear they're pretty dire). Hell, I haven't even read most of the Harry Potters.

5. As a kid, I took part in an art competition and had my picture displayed outside the then under-construction Bugis Junction for a couple of years. Now I think that picture looks pretty fucking ugly.

6. I like to use the word "fuck" and its derivatives a lot. After all, as a magnet at my workdesk says, "Everything's funnier with the word 'fuck' in it".

7. I like to get people to autograph stuff. Well, people that I like anyway. And it's stuff related to them, not random crap like a piece of tissue paper. My most prized autographed stuff include a CD signed by Jacky Cheung (one of the best presents ever), a CD signed by Eason Chan and assorted books, comics and even a statue signed by Neil Gaiman.

8. Neil Gaiman is my all-time favorite writer. Which explains why I have so much stuff signed by him. Also, he makes a lot of public appearances and is really friendly about signing stuff, which helps.

9. My fittest period was, ironically, just after my National Service (as opposed to during it, unlike most guys). Probably because I was so bored while clearing my leave and waiting to go to college, I had nothing better to do than work out for months on end.

10. I detest the whole notion of Traditional Asian Moral Values, because it's inherently hypocritical as fuck. If we were so bent on upholding these "values", women would still have to bind their feet, we'd still have a caste system, and everyone would be disemboweling themselves at every mistake they make. And hey, they also had brothels and homosexuality in ancient Asia, so what the hell are we being so fucking uptight for?

11. I watch and own erotica. Deal with it. So do a lot of people, only they're too hypocritical to admit it, and even more hypocritically, tsk-tsk the rest.

12. I am seriously accident-prone and injury-prone.

13. I will probably migrate, because I hate the Singapore government for treating people that don't want to get married before 25/become a cog in the machine/have 2.5 kids/etc etc etc like second class citizens. I hate them for not giving a flying fuck about me just because I don't fit their notion of an Ideal Citizen.

14. As a 12 year-old, my idol was Chew Chor Meng. Hey, stop sniggering. He won Star Search at the time, and was damn cool in that channel 8 water polo drama, OK?

15. Sometimes I cry at the movies. But not at what you might think. Put it this way, the more you're trying to make me cry (eg. tearjerkers like Jack Neo movies), the more likely I'll laugh at how bad you are. The more you're just trying to tell a good story and making me empathize, the more likely you'll move me. Some examples include Wall-E, Rachel Getting Married, My Magic, Boy A, The Dark Knight, The Orphanage, Gone Baby Gone, Away From Her, 3:10 to Yuma, Dan in Real Life - just some examples from the last 2 years.

16. I'm an atheist, but I have people who I think are Gods. These include Jacky Cheung, Eason Chan, Neil Gaiman and in recent years, Clint Eastwood.

17. I think there is great truth in the line often said by Evil Masterminds in cartoons: "If you want something done right, do it yourself".

18. My favorite superhero is Batman, because he has no powers beyond what a human being could realistically have. I've loved Batman since I was 11 (?) and read my first Batman comic. Watching Batman Begins, I was moved to tears when Batman swooped down over the slums of the city near the end - yes, I am such a fanboy. As a result of my love, my shelves are lined with Batman statues.

19. I credit Sesame Street and all the cartoons I watched during my formative years with my English language development. See, TV can be good for you!

20. I started smoking when I was 21 (late bloomer, I know), and I've told myself I'll stop smoking when I'm 30. Stop, not quit, because I don't like the word "quit". However, now that 30 is drawing nearer, I might change my mind.

21. It gives me great satisfaction to buy things. Which is really bad for my finances.

22. I discovered that I have the ability to eat almost anything, which comes in very useful in wedding "sabo" sessions. Still, I avoid some foods because I don't like how they taste.

23. I am a Hoarder and Collector. Among the various things I've collected (and often stopped collecting) over the years are: stickers, postage stamps, key rings, erasers, toys, magazines, comic books, etc. Things that I still collect are: DVDs (90% of which I haven't watched), CDs, books (although I've gotten rid of many of my childhood ones like Hardy Boys), shot glasses, compiled editions of comic books, etc.

24. As a kid, I used to be obsessed with the Choose Your Own Adventure books. Although, I must shamefully admit, I cheated all the time by marking where I was and skipping around to see which option was the best. Which kind of defeats the purpose.

25. I used to play the piano, play the violin, and draw a lot. Now I no longer do any of those things. Sometimes it makes me a little sad.

26. One day I want to write or direct (or both) a movie that will be shown around the world. Oh, and win an Oscar. Even though they're bullshit, they're so shiny!

27. I've destroyed way too many clothes/bags/shoes by dumping them in the washing machine. I still do it though, because I'm lazy.

28. I wish I could speak better Teochew so I can at least hold a conversation with my 96 year-old grandma.

29. My oldest article of clothing was bought when I was 12 years old. That makes it... 17 years old. It still fits (because baggy clothes were in at the time).

30. I take perverse pleasure in crushing cockroaches.

Did you know the maximum number of people you can tag is 30? How appropriate!

Oglin' October, Oracle!

2009-02-01T02:43:00.010+08:00

추격자 (The Chaser)
Ever watched a movie where almost from the get-go, you feel your whole body tensing up, and you await each development with bated breath, your heart in your mouth? If so, congratulations: Such experiences are few and far between. And if not, go watch The Chaser. Tension-filled and taut as hell, this is a whopper of a crime thriller, with (amazingly enough) none of your usual stereotypes and clichés. Yet it also eventually becomes something more - a story of one man's fight for his own humanity and redemption against a hopelessly inept justice system. It's not without its flaws, but apart from a few missteps here and there, novice feature director Na Hong-jin shows masterful control and vision far beyond his years.

Le Dernier des fous (Demented)
This is another one of those movies that make me not want to attend any more festival screenings. Part of some French film festival or other, it's yet another snobbily detached, emotionally barren European arthouse film. For a movie that tells its story from a boy's POV, it does a good job doing so, but the strong performances are lost underneath the pointed detachment and self-satisfied ironies of it all. When I can't get attached to the characters and feel for them, I can't get into the movie and enjoy it, no matter how technically accomplished it is. And so, I couldn't care less. Cool poster, though. A kid with a gun is always cool.

Burn After Reading
OK, fine, I didn't really get emotionally attached to any character here, I think. But I still love this movie, because it's fast-paced and entertaining as hell - but not in the usual sense. Think about it. A comedy with no "punchlines" and no "funny music", but is hilarious precisely because of that. Only from the Coen Brothers could this little gem of a black, black satire come. Two of the funniest scenes, in my opinion, have a man getting shot in the face, and another man shot, then axed in the head. It's a tone that is unbelievably difficult to achieve - just look at all the Tarantino wannabes - but the Coen Brothers do it seemingly effortlessly.

RocknRolla
Speaking of Tarantino wannabes, Mr. Guy Ritchie isn't technically one of them, although he's similar. He has his own English-crime thing going on, but the only person he rips off is himself, essentially making the same movie over and over again. He tries very hard to make it work this time, but overstuffed characters and plotting drag what could've been a fleet and entertaining crime caper down. It's still entertaining in bits, though I really couldn't care less about any character. Which, as I've mentioned before, almost automatically makes me dislike the movie (unless it's made by the Coen Brothers).

風雲決
(Storm Rider: Clash of Evils)
Any attempt at making sense of the plot will be in vain, if you're not a fan of the long-running martial arts comic series in question. Elements - mythology, characters, histories, etc. - are packed in willy-nilly, and the whole thing still makes time for a whole bunch of cliché-ridden events like a pointless love subplot and annoying child sidekick characters. The fight scenes are energetic and interesting enough, if I could only tell what they were fighting over. Too bad the incomprehensible story denies me that. Also, the animation is at times prettty bad, going from rather amateurish 3-D establishing shots immediately to 2-D characters moving stiffly across the screen in extremely jarring edits.

G.P. 506 (The Guard Post)
This has an intriguing premise, which, while not the most original, is at least handled well in the suspense department. The problem it has is one it has in common with many other Korean movies - a flaccid second act that feels more like padding than actual plot advancement. The big revelation, when it comes, also feels rather anti-climactic, but at least from there on it leads to a respectably exciting climax. All in all, it's still a decent enough suspense-thriller-horror.

保持通話 (Connected)
A Hong Kong remake of the very watchable B-grade Hollywood thriller Cellular, this is competent enough on its own terms, but sacrifices the original's taut pacing at the altar of additional action movie thrills. These sequences detract, though, because they make it all less believable, and makes the pacing sag as well, because, honestly, they're not all that spectacular. Louis Koo and Barbie Hsu do well in the lead roles (she still can't beat Kim Basinger though), but awful over-the-top acting by the villains turn what should be an exciting climax into a gigglefest instead.

Bienvenue chez les Ch'tis
(Welcome to the Sticks)
It's not difficult to see why this was the domestic hit that it was - most of the comedy is rather broad, and translates well regardless of language. It's a light and affable, if rather obvious culture-shock/fish-out-of-water comedy. If you don't know French, all the language/accent jokes will probably fly above your head, as they did mine. However, this might actually work in its favor for me, because I think the wordplay is pretty unsubtle, and if I did know French, I'd probably have a lower opinion of it (much like how I think Jack Neo comedies are pretty damn unfunny - even though this is miles ahead of Neo's ilk). Still, it's an enjoyable time to be had at the movies, and some of the farcical scenes are really quite hilarious.

20 世紀少年
(Twentieth Century Boys)
I've never read the manga series before, but from what I hear, it's plenty confusing, what with it's huge cast of characters and multiple timeline-jumping. I took a deep breath and leapt right into the movie with no prior prep work, and came away not a little confused, but enjoyed the ride nonetheless. The intricate building of the world and its multitude of characters make this quite engrossing, and the premise is, of course, intriguing. Still, as expected, the huge cast and the frequent timeline switches often get confusing, although by the end you kind of get the drift of things. The visual effects, though not wall-to-wall, are well done and technical aspects are solid and kept interesting, especially in the sound department. I'll be there for the second instalment. I won't be the first to see it, but I'll be there, and that's good enough.

슈퍼맨이었던 사나이
(A Man Who Was Superman,
a.k.a. If I Were Superman)
This will go on my Worst-Of List for sure; it's one of my most hated movies of 2008. There are many reasons why, but I don't want to waste too much time and effort on it. Suffice to say that it goes from insufferably annoying (the delusional antics of "Superman") to hard-sell sappy - which is a slight improvement. The comedy doesn't work, the whimsy is painful, the social commentary is clumsy, and the drama isn't well-earned at all. Nothing works, and it's all so horrid that it often made me want to throw my shoe at the screen.

The Princess of Nebraska
There's a very telling shot which encapsulates pretty much the whole movie: A close-up of Li's navel. 77 minutes of cinematic (or not-so cinematic) navel-gazing and whining is 77 minutes too much. It might've made for a decent 15-minute short, but drawn out here to (barely) feature-length and shot on ugly DV, it's a painful affair. What the hell's the big deal about Wayne Wang anyway? How deluded do you have to be to think that this is good cinema? It's nothing but wannabe-pretentious indie crap.

A Thousand Years of Good Prayers
After sitting through the torturous The Princess of Nebraska, this almost seems like a masterpiece... well, I did say "almost". Henry O is very good, even if the script is at times forced and overly familiar (Ooh! Inter-generational conflict! How novel!), and the supporting cast is often painful to watch. Yes, I know it's low budget, but does it have to extend to the cast too? Also, why is it that even movies about minorities have other minorities in stereotyped roles? Do these hyphenate-Americans have such big chips on their shoulders that they are blind to other hyphenate-Americans who aren't of their race?

Tokyo!
As is usual with anthologies, this is a mixed bag - one good, one bad, and one decent. The first is Interior Design, which is typical Gondry - fun and quirky, with enthusiastic and highly imaginative visuals. But then again, would we have expected anything less? It's the best of the lot, that's for sure - in fact, it's so good, it should have its own poster. Oh wait, it does.

Immediately after that, though, Merde, with its ironically apt title (it means "shit" in French), brings it all to a crashing halt with its self-indulgent nonsense and hateful characters and situations. You do not, I repeat, do not, have extended courtroom scenes where people are translating from a make-believe language to a real one. That's just way too much grunting and growling to bear. Finally, Shaking Tokyo attempts to salvage the situation, but unfortunately the damage has already been done. Too bad, because it's really quite decent and suitably whimsical, and even kinda sweet.

Tropic Thunder
I've been waiting for this movie for a fucking long time, and it doesn't disappoint. Much. Yes, it's a little too long, and Ben Stiller and Jack Black aren't in top form. But damn, is it funny, right from the first fake trailer shown. It's rare to see a Hollywood satire of itself at every level that's so vicious, you'd almost believe it was British. There's so much that works here, you can easily overlook the stuff that doesn't. How good is it? It's so good that I actually preordered the DVD from Amazon, and I never do that.

The ABCs of Complaining

2009-01-03T11:08:00.003+08:00

Being sick and holed up at home over the New Year's period is really kinda sad. So I decided to spread my misery around and write all the complaint/angry letters that I'd been meaning to write for months. And coincidentally, the companies I'm writing to just happened to begin with the letters A, B and C.

The Arena:

This incident took place some months back, in July. Yes, it's been a while, but since a new year is a time to take stock, look back and reflect, I thought it's also appropriate to write you now.

I was with a few friends at The Arena, and it was near closing time, so the club was emptying. I'd brought along a zipped folder which contained a brand new iPod and a wallet, and it was placed on the couch at the table we were occupying.

For some strange reason (and also our own carelessness), we left the table unattended for about 2 minutes. When we returned, the folder was gone, along with its contents.

I asked a waitstaff nearby who was clearing up for help. He hastily took down my name and number on a notepad, and then disappeared without asking me any details of my lost items.

Disappointed, I returned home. But the more I thought about what your staff took down, the more I felt I needed to provide more details in case the items turned up somewhere.

So I returned the next day at around 9 pm. I asked the bouncers at the door to let me see the manager, because I wanted to leave more details.

The bouncers were cold and curt in their response, refusing to let me in, claiming the manager was busy (without even checking). They also said, "If we find we'll call you." But without any details, how would they even know when they'd found something of mine?

When I insisted on leaving details for the manager, they handed me a receipt and told me to write on the back of it. There was no proper book or file for this.

Do you understand how angry this made me? I was polite and courteous, and they were treating the whole thing like a joke. They made me feel like I was a dog begging for scraps.

Bear in mind that while the chief function of a bouncer is to keep the club orderly, they are also the first employees of the club that the public sees. If they have a holier-than-thou attitude and are rude to customers, what are the chances of those customers returning? Very slim indeed.

They are more than just "security personnel". They are front-line service staff.

If I wasn't a local, but a tourist on vacation, they would have left a terrible impression a visitor to our country. I'm sure I don't have to tell you what a big problem that is.

Additionally, you need to have proper procedures in place for customers who lose items. At the very least, a book or file would let me know that something was done about it. Do you see? Even if you don't take a second glance at it, you have made me think that you care. And customers like to be taken care of.

Because of the terrible attitudes of your staff, I will never return to your club again. I hope you take my comments to heart and make some improvements on The Arena and any future ventures.

Borders:

This incident took place some months back, probably in July. Yes, it's been a while, but since the end of the year is traditionally the time to take stock, look back and reflect, I thought it's also appropriate to write you now.

I'd lost my Borders Preferred card due to theft, and had contacted you guys to get a replacement. I was sent an email that said my card was ready for collection (see emails below), so I set off to pick it up.

When I got to the Wheelock store, the staff member at the information counter asked me for the card number. When I said I didn't have one, she asked for my printout of the email. Without it, she said, there was no way they could find my card.

I was taken aback, because nowhere in the email does it say to print it out and bring it along. Neither was there any mention of the card number being required.

Since I was already a member, I asked, couldn't she search for my records, and surely it would be reflected in there somewhere? The reply was a negative; her computer was not hooked up to that system.

Well, since I was already there, was there any way she could get my access to a computer terminal so I could retrieve my email? Again, no.

So basically, my trip was a complete waste of time.

Now, what bugs me is that the email wasn't clear on what was needed, and also the fact that your staff was completely unhelpful. Surely she could've been more flexible or helped me come up with a solution to the problem, instead of just saying no all the time.

If it's a requirement to bring the printout or the card number, then please state it explicitly in the email notification. Put it in bold, underline it, whatever, just make sure that the message is conveyed. Otherwise, it's very unfair to your customers who have no idea what's needed. Additionally, the service attitude of the staff member in question (I don't remember her name) also has lots of room for improvement. Surely it's not too much to ask for some flexibility and initiative on her part?

I hope you will take this as an opportunity to improve your service. I'd expect this of a smaller, less established store, but not Borders.

The Canteen:

I visited The Canteen on Wednesday 10 Dec, and there was a promotion going on for DBS Credit Cards.

When me and my companion wanted to order, I asked if there was a minimum spending for the promotion. I was told by our waiter that the minimum spend was $40.00. We then ordered two dishes and an appetizer to make up the $40.00 so as to get the 25% discount.

However, when I then left to visit the washroom, I passed by the sign at your entrance. It very clearly stated that from 9:00 pm onwards, no minimum spend was necessary.

I asked another staff member at the cashier if there was a minimum spend. His response was the same as his colleague's: A minimum spend of $40.00 was required.

I wasn't in the mood to argue, but took a picture of the sign for reference. It is attached. The time was 9:11 pm.

On the DBS website, it again clearly states that no minimum spend was necessary after 9:00 pm. In fact, the exact phrasing is:

- 15% off total bill with min. spend of $40
- 25% off total bill (Daily: 2.30-6.30pm; Sun-Thu: 9pm-11pm; Fri-Sat: 9pm-1am)

While I must agree that the promotion details are a little confusing, your waitstaff need to be very familiar with the terms and conditions. They shouldn't give wrong information to customers. Yes, the bottom line is important, but equally so is earning your customers' trust. That doesn't come easily, and should never be taken for granted.

I hope you will make use of this opportunity to improve your staff's service and product knowledge.

Of the three, honestly, I'm really only pissed at The Arena. I'm putting it mildly in my letter, but those people were real assholes. That's why no matter what they do or how they apologize, I'm never going back there again. It's a lifetime boycott for them.

Update on 5 Jan: All the companies have responded to the emails in some way or other. Borders was the fastest with a phone call, followed by an email from the Les Amis Group for The Canteen (even though they are still investigating and have yet to give a more substantive answer), and then The Arena today - who are offering to call me personally to find out more.

Update on 31 Jan:
On 9 Jan, The Canteen offered me a free dinner for two, which I have yet to take up.
On 31 Jan, I received a $20 gift card from Borders.
The Arena has yet to call me.

Sizzlin' September, Commissioner Gordon!

2009-01-03T02:48:00.002+08:00

Yep, comparatively, September was truly sizzlin', with two of my favorite movies of the year. If only every month had such quality!

Oh yeah, and since it's already 2009, I should really try to rush through the rest of the year.

犬神家の一族 (The Inugamis, a.k.a. Murder of the Inugami Clan)
This is an old-school whodunit in the very best sense, and it's also quite literally old-school - the director's remaking one of his early movies and uses the same lead actor in both. There's no updating in this remake, and everything still feels nice and quaint, like an old leather-bound library book. The performances are great, if stylized to the point where they might become targets of derision for modern audiences. But what really works is the slow-burning suspense and delicious twists and turns of the plot - a plot that always plays fair and isn't stupid (a real rarity these days).

Изгнание (The Banishment)
This award-winner from Russia is chock-full of religious symbolism, which feel too in-your-face for comfort. The somewhat over-meticulous shot compositions also add to the level of detachment of the audience, making the characters all seem very distant and vague - people that we are observing from afar with all the emotional involvement of a laboratory scientist. Still, it does look gorgeous and is well-acted. Too bad the overlong running time make it a real pain to sit through.

Forgetting Sarah Marshall
The Apatow factory produces another romcom that both guys and gals will enjoy, tempering the sweetness with their trademark brand of raunchy humor. As usual, the pacing's a little too loose for comfort, and the film meanders quite a bit all over the place. However, the main characters are all well-drawn and multi-faceted, and the supporting cast is fantastic. Especially hilarious is Russell Brand as the barmy British rock star. One sour note is the film's treatment of Kristen Bell's character, which borders on misogyny.

歲月 (The Days)
A rather weak debut from a local filmmaker, this coming-of-age tale is full of gangster clichés and raw acting. Some of the cast, though inexperienced, have charisma and are inherently watchable, but the stilted dialogue tests one's patience sorely. There's plenty of pointless animated sequences to string everything together, and even a plot twist in the secret ending that seems to exist for no real narrative reason at all. Sigh. When will filmmakers learn that plot twists that exist for the sole purpose of being twisty is meaningless and does nothing but annoy their audience?

Mamma Mia!
If Speed Racer is cotton candy for attention-deficit adolescents, then this is the equivalent for middle-aged women. Well, except it's a lot more sedate and unimaginatively shot and staged. There's nothing more pathetic than a movie that relentlessly tries to convince you that you're having a good time. In fact, it's downright sad and desperate, just like the needy middle-aged women that populate it's visually boring musical sequences. But the power of nostalgia is not to be scoffed at, for it's rare that a musical this thoroughly unspectacular makes so much money. Oh, and Pierce Brosnan. Cannot. Sing. At. All. Ugh.

Boy A
It's a lot harder for me to write a rave about a movie than a rant. Ranting and coming up with fresh insults is easy. But it's a lot more difficult to come up with reasons why I love a movie, because they're usually the same for every one - compelling writing, fantastic performances, stunning cinematography and/or visual effects, delicate nuances and subtlety in all areas. So let me just say that all of the above apply to Boy A, which is an absolutely brilliant drama that practically demands you soak in all the subtle nuances of the storytelling and the top-notch acting, and in exchange, leaves you with a beautifully tragic emotional experience.

WALL·E
Argh. Another wonderful film that I don't know what to write about. Suffice to say it fully deserves every accolade it receives. This is a fantastic work of artistry, full of stunning visuals, masterful storytelling, genuine laughs and lots of heart. It's so good, takes my breath away; it's probably the best Pixar film ever made, and that's really saying something.

Star Wars: The Clone Wars
A beautiful animated work of art is followed by... a hideous animated steaming turd. The rubbish plot jumps from video game scenario to video game scenario, decorated with bad dialogue (well, that's one thing about the live-action movies they're faithful to), lame jokes and awful character animation. I thought Lucasfilm was state-of-the-art? Why, then, does everyone move like they're marionettes? The busy battle scenes just manage to scrape by with a passing grade, but everything else around them is a waste of time and money and the efforts of hundreds or thousands of people who worked on it. When will Lucas stop plundering the corpse of the franchise?

Youth Without Youth
There's one thing you can't accuse Francis Ford Coppola of, and that's lack of ambition. His first film after a long hiatus is one with a pretty good sci-fi concept - only it resolutely refuses to be a sci-fi flick and obsessively heads down the other, "artsier" path. Unfortunately this results in a schizophrenic movie in more ways than one, and while there are stunning visuals aplenty, none of it makes very much sense at all. But hey, at least it's not boring. I'd rather see this over Mamma Mia! any day.

Vicky Cristina Barcelona
Woody Allen's latest is a marked improvement over Cassandra's Dream, and one where he abandons the heavy drama to make a simple, fun and breezy movie. There's not much substance to it, but it's all very entertaining nonetheless, watching the leads go through the revolving doors of their relationships. Penelope Cruz, especially, is fantastic and hilarious; pity there's far too little of her. Everyone looks like they're having a blast, even the director (who knew he'd be capable of having fun when he whines in all his movies?), and you will, too.

畫皮 (Painted Skin)
This is a confused mess of a movie, with silly jokes, slapstick, heavy drama, romance and martial arts all rolled up together haphazardly. Thank goodness for its female leads Zhou Xun and Zhao Wei, who elevate their roles above and beyond the thin caricatures on the page, providing a compelling emotional hook. Too bad that only comes to the fore in the third act, far too late to rescue the thoroughly mediocre fare that's around it. The movie tries too hard to be too many things, and fails at every single one of them - even Donnie Yen is wasted - and he's not that easy to waste; you just need to throw a few decent fight scenes in for him. Scarily enough, this was Hong Kong's pick for their Foreign Language Film Oscar nomination - and in a year when I can easily name 5 Hong Kong films off the top of my head that were better.

My Magic
I've usually been able to find something I like about all of Eric Khoo's movies (well, except One Leg Kicking), and this one is no exception. Sure, it's slow-moving and sometimes feels repetitive and disjointed, not to mention exploitative - did we really need so many close-ups of the main character piercing his body with random objects? What's the point of making your audience squirm so much in their seats, and so many times too? But thankfully, the genuine emotions and real chemistry between the father and son come through without once slipping into melodrama, and the ending is beautifully moving. Oh, and it also has a really cool, retro poster in the style of old-school local cinemas, painted on canvas. Check it out:

Happy New Year

2009-01-02T02:15:00.001+08:00

It's a brand new year!

How fun!

How glorious!

How exciting!

How...

How utterly, utterly depressing. Bah, humbug.

A Greeting

2008-12-26T03:58:00.002+08:00

Season's non-denominational, politically-correct Greetings to all.

Side note: It's nice to be on leave from 24 Dec to 28 Dec, and not have to go to work till Monday. Of course, it also means pointlessly using a full day's leave to take a half day off on the 24th, but I have way too much leave and no time to take it anyway.

Aggravatin' August, Bat-Hound!

2008-12-16T04:00:00.008+08:00

This month saw a huge deluge (comparatively) of Singapore film in our cinemas, possibly due to the National Day spirit of local pride, etc. The big question is: Were they any good? Well... at least they weren't all bad...

錢不夠用 2 (Money No Enough 2)
I have no qualms about making this public - and in fact, probably everyone who knows me is already aware of it - Jack Neo is my most hated filmmaker ever. Believe me, folks abroad, you have no idea. Uwe Boll and Michael Bay may be hated by multitudes, but at least they receive almost universal derision and scorn. Mr. Neo is the box-office champion in Singaporean terms, and over here, that means that everyone kisses his ass and sings praises of him, even fucking government officials. This has had the effect of expanding the guy's head to grotesque proportions, such that he's constantly in danger of floating away in a cloud of self-praise. He's been rated No. 1 most influential person in the local industry, awarded a Cultural Medallion, mentioned in National Day Rallies, and so on. All this, despite the fact that he does not know how to make a decent movie. There is no artistry, there is no subtlety, the dialogue is riper than a decomposing rat in the middle of the street in summer, and the jokes are recycled probably from Biblical times. How is it possible for someone to make movies for over 10 years without learning anything? When everyone around him fails to point out his mistakes (compare the Variety review, linked above in the title, to this local one, and see what I mean).

But I digress. We're talking about this specific movie. I wasn't intending to see this, but thanks to circumstances beyond my control (someone visiting from abroad wanted to see a local movie, and this was the only one available at that timeslot), I found myself paying weekend ticket prices for what I was sure would be painful at best, and suicide-inducing at worst. I was wrong. It was worse than that. It was so unbelievably fucking painful, I actually wanted to go out and gun down everyone I saw. I was hitting myself, I was hitting the chair beside me, I was hitting the person sitting in the chair (who luckily was my cousin) - all from the unbearable agony of watching this fetid turd of a movie.

His is an aesthetic born of cheap soap operas and a general cheapness of character. The cheapest people to hire are people fresh out of school and interns, and so it seems as though he staffed his crew with just these folks. The camerawork is amateurish at best, downright awful at worst, often with shot selections that just leave you asking, "Why?" The editing is pretty much incomprehensible, and the music choices bash you over the head with their obviousness and mawkishness. The montages... oh, the montages that pop up every 5 minutes to scream at you: "LOOK HOW AWFUL THE OLD WOMAN'S LIFE IS! OMFG HER KIDS DON'T CARE ABOUT HER!"

The CGI is... well, I haven't seen CGI this bad since... well, never. Honestly, it's bad enough to rival fucking Sing to the Dawn. It looks like it was done by a monkey with one arm. And there wasn't even any point to the CGI scene, either. The scripting is clockwork melodrama that has far too many threads to keep coherent, at least in the hands of such a hack. Which isn't surprising, considering he wrote it himself. And the product placement... let's just say it wasn't so much "placement" as "shoving in your goddamn face". It makes Sex and the City looks positively subtle. Shameless is certainly not in the man's dictionary.

Oops. I didn't mean for this to turn into a rant. Let me just give one or two praises (!) and call it a day. The old lady Lai Meng is actually really decent and convincing in her role. She was able to arouse a certain degree of sympathy from me, right up to the point where I realized the movie could only end with her death - then I was just hoping she would fucking die already. Also, Mark Lee proves that he's pretty much the only one among the 3 male leads who can actually act, leaving the abilities of his "teacher" Neo in the dust. His performance is biting, funny, and surprisingly tender - it also helps that his character is the only one who seems to have any sort of arc at all.

The X-Files: I Want to Believe
I remember when I was but a wee mite, eagerly awaiting each adventure our intrepid paranormal investigators would embark upon every week on the goggle box. Aliens, bizarre creatures, mysterious killers. It was intriguing, it was spooky, it was mind-boggling, it was great. I Want to Believe that this is equally good, but I cannot lie. This feels like a mediocre episode in the series, expanded to feature length. There's never any sense of urgency or momentum, and the mystery is never compelling (ending with a whimper, in fact). Like George Lucas with his Star Wars franchise, Chris Carter needs to stop flogging a dead horse. The X-Files should never be this criminally boring.

The Midnight Meat Train
This is based on a Clive Barker short story (I'm pretty sure the original story would've been better), and the problem with adapting short stories for the screen is that more often than not, short stories are pretty skimpy on stuff happening. So in order to fill up a feature's worth of time, the writers have to think up other stuff for the characters to do. The problem here is that most of the stuff they think up is really nothing but time-wasting. People just wander around and nothing happens for a really long time in the second act. This exploitation splatter flick is, unfortunately, not bad enough to be hilarious and fun, but still pretty bad (that's what happens when you take yourself too seriously, kids). There's a final twist that could've been interesting, but it's all spoilt by the Stupid, Stupid Lead Characters and the mediocre execution (no pun intended).

The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor
I have nothing against brainless popcorn flicks. In fact, I enjoyed movies like The Transporter and its sequel, and you really can't get much stupider than that. However, the reason I enjoyed them was this: Because they were so over-the-top and ridiculous, they were ridiculously entertaining. Come on, Jason Statham drives his car up a ramp, flips it around in mid-air, and makes use of a crane that's conveniently nearby to remove a bomb from the bottom of his car! However, I hate a brainless popcorn flick like this Mummy sequel, because it's not entertaining in the least. In fact, the biggest crime this brainless summer movie is guilty of, besides mangling the Chinese language, is being incredibly boring.

A Month of Hungry Ghosts
This local documentary definitely has an interesting subject - the Chinese festival of hungry ghosts, where the Gates of Hell open annually to give its many inhabitants the equivalent of a month-long vacation in the human realm. There are so many traditions associated with the festival that to discuss them all in-depth would probably take a miniseries. Too bad this doc only skims the surface when it comes to them, preferring instead to look at it through Western eyes, content to just go, "Ooh! Isn't that quaint?" The lack of insight, coupled with a rather messy structure, result in a rather unsatisfying documentary that squanders the potential of the subject matter. Also, the less said about the laughable "paranormal investigators" and their pseudo-scientific bullshit, the better.

Malos Hábitos (Bad Habits)
Going by the poster, the film appears to want to discuss both eating and religion - in fact, might "Habits" be a pun on the article of clothing worn by nuns? - and to be fair, it does present the dangers of excess - both over- and under-eating, as well as eating driven by religious fervor. Unfortunately, it also has a whole bunch of tedious subplots that only serve to muddle whatever arguments it might have had, and which never really gel into a cohesive whole. In most films, the final act is usually the most fast-moving, as threads are tied together and everything reaches a high at the climax. This film bucks the convention, for not only does the pacing not get any quicker, it actually slows down until it eventually just gives up and dies. Not a good way to end your movie at all.

12 蓮花 (12 Lotus)
Royston Tan revisits the world of getai (open-air concerts put up during the Hungry Ghost Festival - there it is again!) after his box office smash 881, but lest he be accused of retreading familiar territory, he decides to go for hardcore melodrama as opposed to a song-and-dance extravaganza like before. The end result may be mixed, as he can't resist slipping into a mishmash of tones sometimes (without the dexterity that made that so enjoyable in 881), but it is never boring to look at. And as usual, there's always something interesting about his films, something that gives me a surprise, and that's reason enough to watch anything, given how jaded I am.

สี่แพร่ง (4bia)
A portmanteau film comprising four horror shorts (hence the rather forced pun in the title), 4bia ostensibly showcases the most popular and skillful Thai directors working in the genre. Not that you'd know it, from the lackluster quality of most of the works on display. As typical with anthologies, it's tremendously uneven: Only one out of the four is good; the rest range from mediocre to jaw-droppingly bad. Let's go through them one by one, shall we?

เหงา (Happiness) - Right off the bat, this looks decent. A slow-burn chiller that doesn't lack for tension, it involves a bored girl who's stuck in an apartment from an injury, who sends a text message to a random number - and gets a reply from an unknown boy. From there, the buildup is effective and well-executed... until everything comes apart in a shitty "shock" twist that's completely pointless and squanders everything that's come before.

ยันต์สั่งตาย (Tit for Tat) - After the terrible ending of the previous short, we come to, well, the worst of the lot, really. This high school black magic revenge fantasy is shot in a frenetic handheld manner, which was probably meant to help disguise the fact that the writing and acting is so uniformly shitty. It's stupid and juvenile, with laughably awful CGI that actually had me in giggles. Also, when will filmmakers learn that annoying characters are useless as horror movie protagonists, because audiences simply don't give a shit about them - and how do you feel fear when you're in fact rooting for their demise?

คนกลาง (In the Middle) - This is a tongue-firmly-in-cheek short that's hands-down the best of the lot. The scenario involves four friends who go camping in the wilderness. Being fans of horror movies, they toss around tons of references (even to the filmmakers' earlier movies), and good fun is had by playing with the conventions of the genre. It's witty, funny, and highly entertaining, but at the same time contains adequate chills. Just this short alone is worth the admission price; too bad you have to sit through such crap to get to it (that's what DVDs are for!). In fact, it's so good, it deserves its own poster here!

Last Fright - This director is supposed to be the mentor of the others. Well, at least some of the students seem to have exceeded the master. It's got a nice setup and concept: A lone air stewardess has to accompany a corpse back to its home country; too bad she's been having an affair with the dead woman's husband! Again, this has sqaundered potential written all over it, as the film falls flat from an over-reliance on cheap shocks and, worse, becomes unintentionally funny when the corpse rolls around all over the place due to turbulence. Oh, and enough of the bad puns in the titles already.

Mad About English
I admit, I'm something of a cultural hypocrite. I don't find Caucasians struggling to speak Chinese funny at all, despite the alarming regularity at which these scenes crop up in local variety shows. However, for some strange unfathomable reason, I do find Chinese struggling to speak English pretty amusing. As such, this breezy comedy-documentary hybrid was a joy to sit through, even though it kind of flounders around after seemingly exhausting its subject about two-thirds of the way through. It follows several ordinary Beijing citizens in the months leading up to the Beijing Olympics, and their struggles with learning English. Of course, it also presents the larger context, where every single person in the city seems to be, well, mad about learning the language - it's a matter of national and cultural pride to them. You may not agree entirely with their reasons for learning it (China is, after all, a communist country, and the subjects are almost all unabashedly nationalistic), but you gotta admire their grit and determination.

Kallang Roar: The Movie
If I had a cent for every aspiring filmmaker who sacrifices his debut film at the Altar of Good Intentions, I'd... well, I'd probably have enough money to make a movie myself. This is but one of those films, where a writer-director's (now, there's a dangerous combination for a debut filmmaker!) heart is in the right place, but his tragic lack of experience and ability (not to mention funding) cripple the final work. The movie traces the rise of Uncle Choo, the inspiring coach that took Singapore's national football team to glory in the early days, but in over-glorifying its subject, it fails to make him a compelling character. Couple that with some pretty bad direction, clunky and groan-inducing dialogue, and laughably bad sports action scenes, and you end up with something that looks and feels like a very raw student film. Well, you wouldn't be far from the truth. The material is something that should only be handled by an experienced professional; perhaps 5 or 10 years down the road, Cheng Ding An might like to take another stab at it. It'll probably be a helluva lot better.

10 Lessons

2008-12-08T16:10:00.007+08:00

10 lessons learnt from this year's Standard Chartered Half Marathon:

1. It is pure hubris to think that I could actually improve upon last year's result when I hadn't run at all in the year in-between. (This year's: 3:29:25; last year's: 3:18:25)

2. It is also extremely inadvisable to do the run, based upon the total distance run in the year in-between: 0 km.

3. The lack of regular running results in knees locking at around the 7km mark.

4. Band-aids are a great way to prevent damage in the nippular region.

5. Tights are also a good way to minimize abrasive injury.

6. The whole point of tights is that they're tight. So they should be pulled up until they're tight. Looking like an idiot is preferable to pain.

7. Apparently when I run and when I walk briskly, I still do about the same pace. So what's the point of running, right?

8. Carbo-loading does not mean stuffing yourself until you're so full the night before that when you set off on the run, you feel like you're pregnant.

9. Running for a shorter distance this time means less pain. Yay.

10. When walking, I am capable of overtaking lots of people who look fitter than me.

Look, here I am walking, and not giving a shit, even at the finish line (left)

And a final note: If the construction continues in the area, I shan't sign up next year. Not only was the constantly U-turning route annoying as all hell, the construction activity also resulted in lots of fumes - bad for runners (this coming from a smoker).

The Wisdom of Mun, Entry #3

2008-12-08T15:17:00.000+08:00

Some writers write scenes and put people in them, other writers write people and put scenes in them.

A Poem for Chye

2008-12-05T00:55:00.000+08:00

In commemoration of Chye making it to Female magazine's 50 Gorgeous People 2008 list - contestant #48! - I have composed an epic poem to mark the occasion.

(Note: For it to rhyme, poem is to be read in a Singaporean accent)

#48

Chye, Chye, forty-eight;
You make me forget my date!
Chye, Chye, forty-eight;
I need you to warm my bed!
Chye, Chye, forty-eight;
For you I'm no longer straight!
Chye, Chye, forty-eight;
Think of you and masturbate!

Jestin' July, Alfred!

2008-11-19T04:54:00.001+08:00

These monthly (well, not exactly but you get what I mean) movie posts are getting really old and stale. And not just in the sense that the movies I now write about were all shown a really long time ago. I need to shake things up a little - but how?

A question for another time.

The Happening
As with most Shyamalan flicks, the premise is interesting. And like most Shyamalan flicks, he fucks it up - only this time, he fucks it up way before the obligatory betcha-never-saw-that-comin' plot twist. The opening scenes are great, and there's one where construction workers jump off a building en masse that's terrific and terrifying. Then it quickly becomes simply terrible when nothing much really happens besides people standing around talking pseudo-scientific/religious gobbledygook and trying-very-hard-to-be-ominous shots of something that's patently non-ominous. Throw in one of the most ridiculous plot twists since the beginning of film and you get something that might work better as a comedy than a thriller, something that's quite frankly, not-happening (pardon the pun, it was begging for it).

Wanted
Compared to the self-important stylings of Shyamalan, this almost seems like a breath of fresh air. Almost. Normally you'd think that I'd hate dumb movies. And you wouldn't be wrong. But sometimes something comes along that's so utterly, thoroughly, spectacularly dumb and is so much fun because of it that I cannot help but have a good time. Now, I never read the comic book, but it's obvious here that every single person involved in the making of this movie knew they were making something completely ridiculous. So they simply decided to go all-out, balls to the wall, and make it as entertaining as they can. Hence we get bending of bullets, lots of gratuitous slo-mo violence, preposterous plot developments (including my personal favorite jaw-dropper of a plot twist - The Loom of Fate), Angeline Jolie strutting around dressed only in tattoos, among other such delightful idiocy. It's pure over-the-top dumb fun - and how gloriously dumb it is.

The Strangers
This home invasion thriller has got the scariest trailer I've ever seen - a real little masterpiece of perfect editing timed for maximum creepy effect. Such a stunning trailer, while luring audiences in, inevitably also disappoints, because the actual movie can't help but be a letdown in comparison. Thankfully, the degree of letdown is rather small in this case. There are some missteps here and there, particularly with an unnecessarily protracted ending and an at-times annoying score. But, like the trailer, it is scary, almost masterfully so. The control of tension and dread is fantastic, and really so much more effective than so many stupid movies out there with bigger stars and bigger budgets. Hooray for awesome B-movies.

The Dark Knight
In short: A Shakespearean tragedy/crime epic in the guise of a summer blockbuster, with an unbelievably menacing Ledger as the Joker. Hands down, the best comic book movie ever, bar none. I award it "Movie Of The Year". In long: Read my earlier post.

幫幫我愛神 (Help Me Eros)
Good Tsai Ming-Liang films, while boring and repetitive at times, still have a certain lyricism to them and compelling characters that somehow manage to transcend their onscreen banality to draw you into their sad lives. Bad Tsai Ming-Liang films are messy and incoherent and frankly, off-putting. And worst of all are the Tsai Ming-Liang copycats. These are sad, pathetic movies populated by sad, pathetic people going about their sad, pathetic lives in a sad, pathetic way. It's all of the negative descriptions above without any of the good ones. It's overlong and pretentious, filled with blatant motifs that scream out at you but are ultimately as hollow as the characters' lives. It's the cinematic equivalent of the performance studies undergraduate. It's a waste of celluloid, a waste of money, an even bigger waste of time. It's this movie.

Hellboy II: The Golden Army
Del Toro revisits the weird and wonderful world of Hellboy, which means that we get to ogle at lots and lots of his crazy creature creations. With probably a bigger budget for effects than for the entirety of Pan's Labyrinth, he really gets to indulge his imagination, and we get a veritable orgy of spectacular creature designs. But he knows enough to keep everything pacey and entertaining, and improves upon the first movie, delivering an enjoyable fantasy-action flick that's loads of fun while keeping some delicious quirks. My personal favorite example is the drunken singalong scene - you gotta love that, even if you don't like anything else.

Hancock
After the not-so-Happening, we get another wasted premise this month in Hancock, but at least this has a lead with more appeal in Will Smith. A drunk bum with superpowers? Sounds good to me. Unfortunately the screenplay suffers from multiple personality disorder and seems like a patchwork of wildly contradictory ideas stitched together. It tries to do so many things that it ends up not knowing what it is, straining both the seams of the story and the audience's credulity, as we're asked to swallow one world-changing revelation after another. If you thought I Am Legend was bad in that respect, well, you ain't seen nothin' yet.

赤壁 (Red Cliff)
What is this, the 69th Chinese war epic to hit theatres this year? Joking aside, while not exactly the most original concept, this is still better than most of the recent deluge of such films, despite needing a more vicious editor to trim out the fat. The war scenes are presented well, with minimal "artistic dirt" that seems to substitute for "realism" in these flicks, but with actual strategems and military movements that are really quite fascinating to watch. Compare that to the rampant stupidity and incoherence present in, say, Three Kingdoms: Resurrection of the Dragon. The worst aspects are probably Woo's treating the audience like idiots, ramming his metaphors and points home repetitively.

Case in point: Before setting out on the climactic battle, the heroes go hunting - just like they're about to go hunting for the villain Cao Cao. OK, I'll bite, that's an acceptable metaphor. Then during the hunt, there's dialogue along the lines of, "Cao Cao is like a tiger. Vicious, cunning, etc. etc.". I groan and think, "Oh, I wish they hadn't done that." But wait, there's more. One of our heroes chases a tiger on foot and loses sight of it. Then it sneaks up on him. He hears a sound. Spins around, arrow at the ready. The tiger leaps - and John Woo fucking superimposes Cao Cao's face on the snarling face of the tiger.

Let me take you through that process again. After presenting the metaphor to us, he has the characters talk about it. Thereafter he fucking superimposes Cao Cao's face on the fucking face of the fucking tiger. What the fuck.

True, one doesn't go to a John Woo movie for subtlety, but I still wish he didn't lean quite so heavily in favor of the stupidly literal. We're not all fucking morons, you know. Despite all that bitching, I still think it's a decent movie. Really. Here's hoping the second act of this two-parter will be less... well, I'll just settle for less.

Hope Rises

2008-11-06T00:54:00.002+08:00

I don't think I need to say anything. Far more eloquent people have spoken far better words than I can ever imagine about this.

But damn, this is one of the best speeches I've ever heard.

Here's the transcript of Obama's speech:

Hello, Chicago.

If there is anyone out there who still doubts that America is a place where all things are possible, who still wonders if the dream of our founders is alive in our time, who still questions the power of our democracy, tonight is your answer.

It's the answer told by lines that stretched around schools and churches in numbers this nation has never seen, by people who waited three hours and four hours, many for the first time in their lives, because they believed that this time must be different, that their voices could be that difference.

It's the answer spoken by young and old, rich and poor, Democrat and Republican, black, white, Hispanic, Asian, Native American, gay, straight, disabled and not disabled. Americans who sent a message to the world that we have never been just a collection of individuals or a collection of red states and blue states.

We are, and always will be, the United States of America.

It's the answer that led those who've been told for so long by so many to be cynical and fearful and doubtful about what we can achieve to put their hands on the arc of history and bend it once more toward the hope of a better day.

It's been a long time coming, but tonight, because of what we did on this date in this election at this defining moment change has come to America.

A little bit earlier this evening, I received an extraordinarily gracious call from Sen. McCain.

Sen. McCain fought long and hard in this campaign. And he's fought even longer and harder for the country that he loves. He has endured sacrifices for America that most of us cannot begin to imagine. We are better off for the service rendered by this brave and selfless leader.

I congratulate him; I congratulate Gov. Palin for all that they've achieved. And I look forward to working with them to renew this nation's promise in the months ahead.

I want to thank my partner in this journey, a man who campaigned from his heart, and spoke for the men and women he grew up with on the streets of Scranton and rode with on the train home to Delaware, the vice president-elect of the United States, Joe Biden.

And I would not be standing here tonight without the unyielding support of my best friend for the last 16 years the rock of our family, the love of my life, the nation's next first lady Michelle Obama.

Sasha and Malia I love you both more than you can imagine. And you have earned the new puppy that's coming with us to the new White House.

And while she's no longer with us, I know my grandmother's watching, along with the family that made me who I am. I miss them tonight. I know that my debt to them is beyond measure.

To my sister Maya, my sister Alma, all my other brothers and sisters, thank you so much for all the support that you've given me. I am grateful to them.

And to my campaign manager, David Plouffe, the unsung hero of this campaign, who built the best -- the best political campaign, I think, in the history of the United States of America.

To my chief strategist David Axelrod who's been a partner with me every step of the way.

To the best campaign team ever assembled in the history of politics you made this happen, and I am forever grateful for what you've sacrificed to get it done.

But above all, I will never forget who this victory truly belongs to. It belongs to you. It belongs to you.

I was never the likeliest candidate for this office. We didn't start with much money or many endorsements. Our campaign was not hatched in the halls of Washington. It began in the backyards of Des Moines and the living rooms of Concord and the front porches of Charleston. It was built by working men and women who dug into what little savings they had to give $5 and $10 and $20 to the cause.

It grew strength from the young people who rejected the myth of their generation's apathy who left their homes and their families for jobs that offered little pay and less sleep.

It drew strength from the not-so-young people who braved the bitter cold and scorching heat to knock on doors of perfect strangers, and from the millions of Americans who volunteered and organized and proved that more than two centuries later a government of the people, by the people, and for the people has not perished from the Earth.

This is your victory.

And I know you didn't do this just to win an election. And I know you didn't do it for me.

You did it because you understand the enormity of the task that lies ahead. For even as we celebrate tonight, we know the challenges that tomorrow will bring are the greatest of our lifetime -- two wars, a planet in peril, the worst financial crisis in a century.

Even as we stand here tonight, we know there are brave Americans waking up in the deserts of Iraq and the mountains of Afghanistan to risk their lives for us.

There are mothers and fathers who will lie awake after the children fall asleep and wonder how they'll make the mortgage or pay their doctors' bills or save enough for their child's college education.

There's new energy to harness, new jobs to be created, new schools to build, and threats to meet, alliances to repair.

The road ahead will be long. Our climb will be steep. We may not get there in one year or even in one term. But, America, I have never been more hopeful than I am tonight that we will get there.

I promise you, we as a people will get there.

There will be setbacks and false starts. There are many who won't agree with every decision or policy I make as president. And we know the government can't solve every problem.

But I will always be honest with you about the challenges we face. I will listen to you, especially when we disagree. And, above all, I will ask you to join in the work of remaking this nation, the only way it's been done in America for 221 years -- block by block, brick by brick, calloused hand by calloused hand.

What began 21 months ago in the depths of winter cannot end on this autumn night.

This victory alone is not the change we seek. It is only the chance for us to make that change. And that cannot happen if we go back to the way things were.

It can't happen without you, without a new spirit of service, a new spirit of sacrifice.

So let us summon a new spirit of patriotism, of responsibility, where each of us resolves to pitch in and work harder and look after not only ourselves but each other.

Let us remember that, if this financial crisis taught us anything, it's that we cannot have a thriving Wall Street while Main Street suffers.

In this country, we rise or fall as one nation, as one people. Let's resist the temptation to fall back on the same partisanship and pettiness and immaturity that has poisoned our politics for so long.

Let's remember that it was a man from this state who first carried the banner of the Republican Party to the White House, a party founded on the values of self-reliance and individual liberty and national unity.

Those are values that we all share. And while the Democratic Party has won a great victory tonight, we do so with a measure of humility and determination to heal the divides that have held back our progress.

As Lincoln said to a nation far more divided than ours, we are not enemies but friends. Though passion may have strained, it must not break our bonds of affection.

And to those Americans whose support I have yet to earn, I may not have won your vote tonight, but I hear your voices. I need your help. And I will be your president, too.

And to all those watching tonight from beyond our shores, from parliaments and palaces, to those who are huddled around radios in the forgotten corners of the world, our stories are singular, but our destiny is shared, and a new dawn of American leadership is at hand.

To those -- to those who would tear the world down: We will defeat you. To those who seek peace and security: We support you. And to all those who have wondered if America's beacon still burns as bright: Tonight we proved once more that the true strength of our nation comes not from the might of our arms or the scale of our wealth, but from the enduring power of our ideals: democracy, liberty, opportunity and unyielding hope.

That's the true genius of America: that America can change. Our union can be perfected. What we've already achieved gives us hope for what we can and must achieve tomorrow.

This election had many firsts and many stories that will be told for generations. But one that's on my mind tonight's about a woman who cast her ballot in Atlanta. She's a lot like the millions of others who stood in line to make their voice heard in this election except for one thing: Ann Nixon Cooper is 106 years old.

She was born just a generation past slavery; a time when there were no cars on the road or planes in the sky; when someone like her couldn't vote for two reasons -- because she was a woman and because of the color of her skin.

And tonight, I think about all that she's seen throughout her century in America -- the heartache and the hope; the struggle and the progress; the times we were told that we can't, and the people who pressed on with that American creed: Yes we can.

At a time when women's voices were silenced and their hopes dismissed, she lived to see them stand up and speak out and reach for the ballot. Yes we can.

When there was despair in the dust bowl and depression across the land, she saw a nation conquer fear itself with a New Deal, new jobs, a new sense of common purpose. Yes we can.

When the bombs fell on our harbor and tyranny threatened the world, she was there to witness a generation rise to greatness and a democracy was saved. Yes we can.

She was there for the buses in Montgomery, the hoses in Birmingham, a bridge in Selma, and a preacher from Atlanta who told a people that "We Shall Overcome." Yes we can.

A man touched down on the moon, a wall came down in Berlin, a world was connected by our own science and imagination.

And this year, in this election, she touched her finger to a screen, and cast her vote, because after 106 years in America, through the best of times and the darkest of hours, she knows how America can change.

Yes we can.

America, we have come so far. We have seen so much. But there is so much more to do. So tonight, let us ask ourselves -- if our children should live to see the next century; if my daughters should be so lucky to live as long as Ann Nixon Cooper, what change will they see? What progress will we have made?

This is our chance to answer that call. This is our moment.

This is our time, to put our people back to work and open doors of opportunity for our kids; to restore prosperity and promote the cause of peace; to reclaim the American dream and reaffirm that fundamental truth, that, out of many, we are one; that while we breathe, we hope. And where we are met with cynicism and doubts and those who tell us that we can't, we will respond with that timeless creed that sums up the spirit of a people: Yes, we can.

Thank you. God bless you. And may God bless the United States of America.

I can only hope that one day, things will change here too. Until then, I suppose we'll have to take comfort in the fact that somewhere in this world, hope still exists. And until that comes to the shores of our little island, all we can do, is hope.

Part One... um... Episode One

2008-11-03T22:20:00.008+08:00

Something I made over the weekend, in a little over 6 hours.

It's one of the best wedding videos I've done - not that I've done that many, mind you. Just about enough to point out when things can be improved during the process.

If I were one to use smileys, I'd probably put one right about here. But I'm not.

The Shame! The Agony! The Horror!

2008-10-31T05:53:00.001+08:00

There's an animated movie coming out in Singapore at the end of the month. It's based upon a much-beloved young adults novel that's been read by many a student (well, because it's used as a literature text).

The novel tells a simple and touching coming-of-age tale.

The movie, on the other hand, is a strong contender for the "Ugliest Animation In The History Of Mankind" award.

Bear in mind that it actually looks rather decent when viewed at this tiny size. Blown up on the cinema screen, everything looks weird, everything feels weird, and everything moves weird. Hell, lots of scenes feel downright creepy. I've had the unfortunate privilege to have seen the trailer multiple times over the past couple of weeks. The more I see it, the more I want to dig my eyes out.

It could be the downright hideous character designs, with their glassy, lifeless eyes. It could be the sinister-looking dancing monkeys. It could be anything. Hell, it's probably everything.

Could it be due to the "uncanny valley"? I'm not sure if they even look human enough to qualify for that. I just know that I have an immense hatred for the movie just by looking at the trailer. Even the trailer for Beverly Hills Chihuahua didn't disturb me as much.

Where the hell did the fucking dancing animals come from, anyway? There definitely weren't any in the book.

Here are some Fun Facts, culled from a local entertainment rag:

1. CG supervisor Steve Read was Technical Director on the 2006 Best Animated Feature Oscar winner, Happy Feet.

2. It took four artists eight months to create and texture the cast of animals and humans.

3. The 150 variations of foliage required seven people three months.

4. Each minute comprises 1440 images, totaling 130,000 pictures for the entire movie.

And here's my response:

1. Looking at the full credits for the very movie mentioned, Happy Feet, you may find that while it is true that Mr. Read was Technical Director, there were so many TDs on the film, you could literally hit one by randomly throwing a rock.

2. & 3. Pathetic. Again, look at the full credits for Happy Feet. Now look at the credits for Sing to the Dawn. It's clear as night and day. Happy Feet wasn't even an amazing-looking picture - it's no Pixar, that's for sure. But it looked decent enough. You don't get "decent" by grabbing 11 people (probably underpaid fresh grads from a polytechnic) and making them your animators for an entire movie - and giving them 11 months to do it! But you know what, it's typical of Singapore companies to do just that. And what you get, is fucked-up shit. And what the hell is up with the 11 months when everyone knows that this movie was announced over half a decade ago?

4. Duh. 24 frames a second equals 1440 frames a minute. So what if it's 24 f.p.s.? It doesn't matter when obviously no research has been done by the animators into how a person or animal actually moves. Every single character moves like a fucking action figure - like there are far too few points of articulation. Again, cheapness shows.

I am appalled. I am disgusted. I am furious. I am ashamed.

This blight on local film should never have seen the light of day. It should've been put out of its misery at birth, had its legs tied together, weighed down with a rock, and drowned in the nearest river. At least that would've been merciful. To release it in theatres is simply insulting to the audience.

These are dark times. Dark times, indeed.

Joustin' June, Bat-Mite!

2008-10-28T03:20:00.001+08:00

Sex and the City
Let me preface it all by saying that I don't much like Sex and the City, the TV show. While I do find the sexventures of Samantha pretty funny, and I like the attitude that Miranda gives to everyone, I find Charlotte incredibly boring, and I simply abhor Carrie. Whenever the girls gathered in my living room for the latest episode, I'd launch into a rant about her ugly horse-face, her horrendous and ridiculously impractical wardrobe, and her twee narration with the most fucking lousy excuse for wordplay in the history of television. So what made me think the movie might be any better? It's simply an episode of the TV series, stretched out to beyond epic proportions, with a plot thinner than the sheerest lingerie on the show. But what makes me absolutely hate this is how insulting it is to women, depicting them as nothing but shallow caricatures who'd sell their mothers to a whorehouse for an LV bag - but worse, how blind most women are in not seeing this and loving this crapfest so much. Why four ostensibly intelligent women would persist in fucking up their lives in the stupidest, most unbelievable ways imaginable is beyond me, as is the popularity of this shitty-even-for-TV movie. I can't say it any better than this, so I'll just shut up now. (Please read the article I linked to. It's really fucking amazing)

Kung Fu Panda
Usually non-Pixar animated flicks feature movie star voices, bad scripts, terrible lines and pretty damn ugly animation. But this is the rare exception. While it doesn't have the best script in the world, it's surprisingly decent, and really quite entertaining. I was worried that it might be insulting to Chinese culture and martial arts in general, as The Forbidden Kingdom was (unintentionally, I'm sure). But again, it wasn't, and in fact seems to be a homage of sorts to classic kung fu flicks. Jack Black provides lots of energy, and there are some genuinely funny moments and gags, especially those that play on genre conventions. It does get a tad too slapstick for my liking in parts, but I can live with that since the rest of it's so much fun.

The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian
When the first Narnia movie came out, I wrote a parody essay of it entirely in Singlish. I'm not even considering doing that for any future entries; the entire franchise isn't worth the effort. The direction is rote and yawn-inducing, and the pace is plodding, save for a rather nice night battle. The action seems to be a really dumb PG-13 type of thing, where you can hack at a person and he can fall down dead, but you can see any blood at all. The title character is shallow and one-note, and the actor in question can't act to save his life. Also, Christian allegory is fine for Christians, but for other people, it means that there are huge gaping What The Fuck moments abound. But this is true of anything to do with organized religion in general. (Re-reading my thoughts on the first instalment reveal that the main issues I had then still persist in this one - only this one's worse because of the distinct un-Swinton-ness of the endeavor)

Angel
Went to see this with Angeline, and it was one of those times where we had completely differing (and mutually antagonistic) opinions of a movie. Is it because she longs to be a romantic writer and feels for the protagonist's struggle more? I don't know. What I do know is that my thoughts can be summed up with the lines below:

Q: How does one empathize with a completely self-delusional, needy and annoying heroine?
A: One doesn't. One just wishes the movie would end sooner.

Really, I was simply angry with the movie for wasting my time. And I also wanted to smack the protagonist for being a pretentious, annoying little bitch. Also, why on earth did Ozon want to do a movie in English?

Shine a Light
I'd never really been into The Rolling Stones and their music - I mean, I actually Wiki-ed them before watching the film so I wouldn't go in completely blind and ignorant. Still, a Stones fan or a fan of rock in general (like Glen, who I saw it with) would probably get a lot more out of it than I did. My main thoughts were that it looked fucking amazing (for how can 18 top cinematographers go wrong?) and that The Stones, even at their age, have incredible energy and stage presence. It's a real blast, for sure - and now I even know a few Stones songs!

The Incredible Hulk
After the surprise phenomenal hit that was Iron Man, Marvel can't help but disappoint slightly in their next movie outing. It's by-the-book, nothing like the risk-taking but rather uneven Hulk of Ang Lee, but it's still a decent popcorn flick, if you can turn your brain off. While the action isn't anything mind-blowing, at least it's comprehensible (unlike Michael Bay's), and the pacing moves along briskly. Marvel must be doing something right; its movies are a lot better than they used to be. Norton, always dependable, and Tyler add a nice human touch to all the smashing - it says a lot when the best scene is simply a half-whispered conversation between the two of them in a doorway.

Penelope
Angeline and I agreed on this one, if I recall correctly. The modern-day fairy tale (which is a genre I enjoy a lot - I do love Neil Gaiman's writing, you know) is very charming and full of whimsy, even if it's less funny than what the trailers seemed to indicate. The Moral Of The Story, when it came, was rather heavy-handed, but overall it's still a very enjoyable movie that's carried on the able shoulders of Christina Ricci and her prosthetic nose (or, rather, snout).

Get Smart
I wanted very much to like this, and I must admit I did laugh - but too rarely for me to really enjoy the movie. Carell is very good, but I'm not such a big fan of the update, for somewhere in the action-movie bits, the old-school low-tech charm of the original series is lost. Neither does all the humor work; sometimes, the lamest old jokes are still the funniest. Still, there are worse ways to spend your time and money, and I'd rather give it to Carell than to fucking Adam Sandler.

文雀 (Sparrow)
Tim now has a good review of this on his site, having watched it at the Chicago International Film Festival while I sat on my ass for months and didn't blog. I don't need to say much more, other than I thoroughly enjoyed this delightful caper through the streets of Hong Kong, lovingly sketched by director Johnnie To. It's paper-thin and ultimately doesn't mean anything, but his enthusiasm and playfulness leap out at you from every frame.

Wakes and Funerals and Sleepless Nights

2008-10-18T23:07:00.002+08:00

And regular work as well all add up to a very exhausted Cinewhore.

The last episode of First Class aired on Tuesday night.

My uncle (or to be more specific, my 姨丈, i.e. my mother's sister's husband) died that very night.

One of the more embarrassing ways to exit this world, I think, to have your heart give out on you in the shower.

I didn't know him as well as I should've. But the same words came from everyone who came. He was a good man. And he really was. A perpetual smile for everyone. And when he smiled, he smiled with his entire face and his eyes and his heart. He didn't deserve to go in such a manner at all, and at such a young age (mid-50's).

His 16 year-old daughter, my cousin, gave his eulogy today just before his body was cremated. I learnt it's really hard to keep a camera steady when tears are obscuring your vision with every blink.

She's a strong girl. I think she'll be OK. Eventually.

For now, I need to get away from death.

Best Graffiti Ever

2008-10-08T09:11:00.001+08:00

As seen on a wall in Melbourne, while riding a bus to the airport:

God calls it immaculate conception
Mary calls it RAPE

Fuck the F1

2008-09-27T23:20:00.002+08:00

So these last couple of days, downtown Singapore has reverberated with the incessant buzzing of Formula 1 cars speeding around its streets. Because we write in the area, I've had opportunity to peer through the fences while the drivers were practicing during the day, realizing that the cars are really smaller in real life than you'd think, and also that you can hardly make out anything besides the main color when one of them flashes by you.

Which leads me to think that the folks who paid upwards of several hundred dollars for a seat in the grandstand are really, really stupid.

No matter how good your seat is, you see each car as it goes by for a grand total of - let's be generous - two seconds. And if they're all in a pack, you can't really focus on anything. Each car is supposed to travel 61 laps around the circuit. So I suppose it would be generous to say that you will physically see the cars in action for all of ten minutes in the entire night, at most.

For the rest of the time, you're watching the TV monitors. Which you could very well do at home during the live telecast. And in the comfort of your living room (I doubt the grandstand has air-conditioning). For free. And without overpriced food and drink. And you don't even have to fight with the crowd to get home afterward. Come on, do you really want to spend hundreds of dollars, only to end up pressed against some idiot who doesn't know the meaning of deodorant on the MRT ride home?

Besides, don't you think the entire F1 is a colossal waste of money and resources? You have to fly everyone and their Aunt Petunia over here, you have to transport all the cars and equipment, you have to set up all the necessary facilities, you have to shut down the roads and piss everyone working in the vicinity off, and do you know how much fuel those monsters consume? Hey, dear Minister, can you honestly advocate a greener lifestyle while promoting this event? How hypocritical can you get? And how many taxpayer dollars are going towards this ostentatious display?

To me, it seems to be nothing more than ridiculous overcompensation. Kinda like the balding guy with a really small dick and erectile dysfunction who drives around in a Lamborghini. Yes, we're a small nation. Stop acting like we got something to prove. How pathetic do you want to look? Like the desperate middle-aged women who shriek their way through Mamma Mia! The Movie?

How do you justify inconveniencing everyone that works in the area? Or visits the place? Or ends up getting in jam-packed train carriages that were already crowded enough during rush hour, and now are worse than ever? Well, basically, someone who's really pissed off at the whole affair, like me?

Tourist dollars? Come on, how much are they going to spend, when all their needs are paid for? I honestly don't believe that many people fly all the way in just to watch this damn thing.

You don't know? You can't think of anything? I didn't think so.

My Company Has No Balls, No Spine, Nothing

2008-09-20T12:46:00.002+08:00

We received our first complaint yesterday.

This was sent to the Media Development Authority, who partially funded the show (emphasis mine).

"I write to you today because I saw an MDA production on the bus yesterday which was shocking in many ways.

The program is called "First Class" and what I saw was a short "comedy " about snuff films and the elderly... something like that. I couldn't hear it, but the images and production were beyond juvenile and the theme of euthanasia for the elderly is beyond tasteless..."

And you, my dear friend, are beyond stupid.

Some background information. There's a channel on Singapore buses called TV Mobile. It mainly shows content that has already been screened on local TV before, although sometimes for major shows, they do simultaneous telecasts. As expected for this kind of free platform, there's lots of airtime to be filled, so there are lots of ads, and also short clips (behind the scenes, etc.).

The clip in question was a short that was developed for the internet and mobile phone downloads; a "spinoff" from the main series designed to tie into the episode showing that week. It's a parody of a corporate video for a charitable organization, done in the style of a nature documentary, appealing for funds from the public, and is meant to satirize the Singaporean practice of dumping old people in old folks' homes.

Immediately, the powers that be on our end responded in their typical balls-less, knee-jerk way. The spinoff in question, SNUFF Film, has been yanked from TV Mobile and the official website, and is unavailable on any official platform.

Here's the synopsis:

4) SNUFF Film
The Sang Nila Utama & Friends' Foundation appeal for public donations. Please donate. Please? For the old folks?

Since there's now no way to watch the short, I'll provide you with the script so you can see our intentions.

INT. SNUFF OLD FOLKS HOME DIRECTOR’S OFFICE - DAY

On a Sang Nila Utama and Friends Foundation (SNUFF) sign.

Camera approaches the Director, who’s hard at work at his desk. It waits expectantly. Director looks up and feigns surprise.

DIRECTOR (direct address): Oh! Hello there! I’m Jack Neo Swee Lin, and I’m the director here. You must be here to learn more about Sang Nila Utama and Friends Foundation Old Folks’ Home. Come on.

He gestures to the camera to follow and walks off. Turns a corner. Beat. Sticks his head back in. Gestures again.

DIRECTOR (CONT’D): There you are! I thought we’d lost you! Come on, you’ve got to be faster if you want to catch the old folks in action!

INT. SNUFF OLD FOLKS’ HOME OFFICE - DAY

Director walks up to Assistant.

DIRECTOR: Why, hello, my lovely assistant, Zoe Tay Ping Hui!

ASSISTANT: Hello Director Jack! (gestures to camera) I see you brought friends.

DIRECTOR: That’s right, Assistant Zoe, because friends are a very important part of Sang Nila Utama and Friends Foundation! (winks at camera)

ASSISTANT: You came just in time, Director Jack! I was going to feed the old folks. Do you want to come along?

DIRECTOR: Sure thing Assistant Zoe! And I’m sure our friends want to come along too! Let’s go!

They skip out of the doorway.

INT. OLD FOLKS’ HOME - DAY (FOOTAGE FROM EP 4)

Estab shot of Old Folks’ Home. Shots of old folks.

ASSISTANT (V.O.): At Sang Nila Utama and Friends Foundation Old Folks’ Home, we’ve set up our enclosures to closely replicate the natural environment of the old folks. Here, they can engage in all the activities they used to do in the wild.

Shots of old folks sitting around doing nothing.

DIRECTOR (V.O.): Our team of warm-hearted caretakers feed them regularly, sometimes even twice a day!

Shots of the kids feeding the old folks.

DIRECTOR (V.O.) (CONT’D): How happy the old folks look! They must be enjoying their delicious meal.

Shots of kids spilling food and drink all over the old folk.

DIRECTOR (V.O.) (CONT’D): Wouldn’t you want your old folk to enjoy the same kind of lifestyle as them?

INT. GENERIC LOBBY OR CORRIDOR - DAY

DIRECTOR: Old folk are an endangered species. Their lifespan in captivity ranges from 2 to 5 years.

ASSISTANT: But it’s even more difficult for them to survive on their own in the wild. That’s where you come in. (points at camera)

DIRECTOR: If you have spare old folk lying around, and you want a better life for them, call us.

ASSISTANT: Our toll-free hotline is 1800-SNUFF-’EM. We’ll arrange for a pickup on the next working day. What service! That’s a result of our ISO certification.

SUPER: 1800-SNUFF-’EM and 1800-76833-36 as well as ISO logo.

DIRECTOR: (gestures to super-ed numbers) That’s 1800-SNUFF-’EM, or 1800-76833-36.

ASSISTANT: If you want to support our conservation efforts, please make a donation to the Sang Nila Utama and Friends Foundation.

DIRECTOR: We accept cash, cheque, bank transfer, all major credit cards and Paypal.

ASSISTANT: We hope you’ve enjoyed your visit. See you soon!

DIRECTOR: Or in 50 years!

They beam and wave goodbye at camera.

As of right now, we don't know the final decision regarding this short, and are awaiting official responses to see whether it'll be banned, we'll be fined, or any other stupid thing that you can think of.

Several things anger me about this incident.

1. The complainant
If you didn't hear the sound, you have no right to go spouting your mouth off. You, my dear sir/madam, are an absolutely fucktard. It's called jumping to conclusions. It's what stupid, irrational people do.

2. The powers that be
You have no balls. Period. This is the kind of idiotic complaint that would get laughed out of the offices of television studios anywhere else in the world. It's one complaint. ONE. By a fucktard.

3. Censorship
The assumption that we have to "protect" the children so that they won't get the "wrong message" is rather simplistic and naive, to say the least. We are not responsible for viewers' intelligence, or lack thereof. Not that our viewers are stupid. If you're a fan, you quite obviously aren't.

Hmm. This post reveals lots of sensitive/privileged information. Maybe I could be fired if I post it.

Oh well, why not? It's not like I'm afraid of getting fired.

Fucktard, balls-less company.

Goodbye, and Good Riddance

2008-09-17T22:07:00.001+08:00

This sounds pretty sad, but I bought a Sudoku puzzle book all the way back in February. February 6th, to be exact. The day before Chinese New Year.

Well, I finally made my way through the bloody book, all 178 puzzles, and completed it nary half an hour ago. Yes, it's an accomplishment. But a fucking pathetic one.

Man, I've gotta get a life.

First Class Plug

2008-08-26T00:37:00.003+08:00

Recently I've been mass-emailing and Facebook-ing all my contacts, bombarding them with messages plugging my new show. But I've forgotten another outlet that reaches out to people I might not even know. Yep, I forgot to post a plug on my own blog. How silly!

So without further ado, here it is:

First Class is a new Singaporean comedy series I created (along with a co-creator). It's a fast, furious and funny exploration of the insanity that can happen in a typical Singapore secondary school, "in the style of" (or "copying", or "emulating", or "paying homage to", whichever you pick) recent US comedies like 30 Rock and Arrested Development, which I adore. Of course it's not nearly there, but that's the general direction we try to head in.

It'll be hard going, considering that most Singaporeans' idea of comedy is still stuck in the silly slapstick that Phua Chu Kang and Jack Neo used to provide (the latter seems to have lost even his touch for silly slapstick, as his ego gets too big for himself and he fancies himself a Filmmaker - but I digress).

Anyway, I co-wrote every single script and also directed an episode, and this is probably the best thing I've done since I joined this godforsaken company. So here's what I need people to do.

Please watch the show.
Talk about it.
Get the word out.
Tell all your friends.
Visit the Facebook page and sign up as fans.
Invite your friends to be fans.
Visit the official website.
Download the spinoff episodes (episodes for viewing on your 3G mobile phone - don't worry, they don't cost extra) or watch them online here.
And it wouldn't hurt to drop our dear monopolizing broadcaster a note and let them know you like it.

First Class debuted National Day, 9 August, on Channel 5, and we achieved decent ratings that day. When the second episode aired, we managed to beat our competition by a pretty good figure, and hopefully that will continue to be the case.

For those who missed the episodes that've already aired, here's a YouTube video of the first one, and here's the one of the second. You can find the other parts of the respective episodes from the links on the pages. Of course the video's aren't completely legal (well, not at all, actually), but I'm grateful nonetheless. We need all the help we can get, to make this a big hit.

The third episode airs tonight, at 8:30 pm on Channel 5. Be there.

Thanks in advance.

Masturbatin' May, Batwoman!

2008-08-23T23:52:00.006+08:00

Blockbuster season means no real films to see. Sigh.

Dark Matter
Hardworking Chinese student is screwed over repeatedly by his professor, and eventually snaps and goes on a killing spree. This true story's got lots of dramatic potential, but unfortunately the film squanders it. Liu Ye is a good actor, but he doesn't really get much to do with the rather superficial script, which never really lets us get into his character's mind. Meryl Streep, too, is wasted, in a role that is requires little effort for her. She and Liu have one rather effective scene together, but everything else is rather pedestrian, despite everyone's best efforts.

Nim's Island
This was a real pain to sit through, and the more I think about it, the more I dislike it. The setup's very forced to begin with, and it only becomes more and more unbelievable, with the ridiculously helpful "animal friends". The overly cutesy shit does not help one bit. Jodie Foster doesn't fare well in slapstick mode - she's way too good for this crap. Stuff happens, and stuff happens, and then more stuff happens, but there's a complete lack of urgency or sense of danger, and above all, no real reason to care at all.

Doomsday
I'd heard this was rather shitty, but since it's coming from Neil Marshall, I was prepared to give it a shot. Still, I was greatly disappointed. It's all very stupid, and very incoherent, with a patchwork feel to the whole thing. Besides, all the fun bits (i.e. over the top gore) were snipped away by Singapore censors, which makes what's left behind simply blah. At least Mitra makes a decent kick-ass heroine with lots of attitude, and there's a rather good car chase. Otherwise, it's really a waste of time.

Speed Racer
I'm glad I saw this for free, because I'd have been so pissed if I'd paid for it. This is nothing more than a soulless CGI confection of candy colors and swirling images. It's an over-the-top live-action cartoon that's quite possibly the most annoying movie (both visually and acting-wise) I've seen this year. It's as if the Wachowski brothers were waving their dicks in your face - I've got lots of money: check out my ridiculous computer-generated backgrounds and pointless transitions! The irritating kid and his monkey made me want to throw my shoe at the screen, except I was seated too far from it. The moral of the story is completely unconvincing - how can I believe that you're being sincere in espousing the values of the independent player against evil corporations when your movie had such a titanic budget? All in all, for something targeted at the ADD preteen crowd, it's strangely boring despite epilepsy-inducing rapid editing.

Taxidermia
This truly bizarre film almost out-Cronenbergs Cronenberg, with its twisted takes on the horrors of the body. I'm definitely in love with the insane visuals and crazy camerawork, and anything with such a strong directorial vision surely has something to say. I'm just at a loss as to what it is. I mean, how on earth do you make sense of images like the scene where a man ejaculates fire?

Honestly, doesn't that just make you go, "What the fuck?!" And that's just the opening scene (!) - the whole film is filled with stuff like that. Whatever you want to call it, you can't call it boring.

ช็อคโกแลต (Chocolate)
I've only seen a couple of Thai martial actioners, and can't claim to be an expert on the genre, but it seems that they generally have a couple of things in common. The action is usually intense and very authentic-looking, because they actually do perform most of the stunts instead of relying on CGI (hell, lives are cheap in Asia - cheaper than good CGI, for the most part). But the plot and script is, more often than not, complete rubbish, generating far more laughs and groans than pathos. This is no different, despite having a female lead character who's autistic, and a martial arts genius too. The fight scenes are well-choreographed and entertaining enough, a highlight being the climactic showdown across the entire front of a building that has to be seen to be believed. But it lacks the visceral oomph of, say, Tom Yum Goong, and the clunky melodrama often kills the momentum faster than a speeding bullet.

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull
This being the first Indiana Jones flick I've ever seen in theaters, I went in with rather high expectations. And for a while, it doesn't disappoint. The opening sequence is as exciting as anything in Indy's heyday, with a deliciously evil villain in the form of Cate Blanchett, who's terrific. However, it sinks into clumsy exposition with the introduction of LaBeouf, who might or might not be Indy's son, and the pacing begins to suffer. Thankfully, it picks up again when Allen comes in, and never lets go through all of her and Ford's bickering. A fun, entertaining and nostalgic ride.

Zwartboek (Black Book)
Verhoeven returns to true form with this instant classic that I've been waiting to see play here since forever. Basically, it's like "Lust, Caution" but with more action. It's chock-full of twists and turns, and moves along smartly at a brisk pace. There's a stunning lead performance from Van Houten, but no one fumbles their game, either. Verhoeven is unambiguous in his criticism of war, and the film subscribes to his rather pessimistic view of humanity.

Arrestin' April, Nightwing!

2008-08-22T01:17:00.003+08:00

Cassandra's Dream
Despite having some of the best young actors around in it, Woody Allen's third film in a row set in the UK is very disappointing. The direction never feels more than perfunctory, as does the acting. So many scenes exist solely to deliver plot points that we can hardly care about the characters at all. Perhaps Allen should give it a rest until he's re-inspired. After all, he doesn't really have to deliver a movie a year - it's not like it's in his contract or anything. We'd all rather he take the time and give us something worth watching.

扣籃對決 (Slam)
It's got youthful energy to spare, and the youthful cast acquit themselves well with their roles, bringing many appealing qualities to their somewhat stock characters. While the plotting and situations may be pretty much by-the-book, the China setting and the commitment of all involved make this a pretty good sports flick and time-waster.

The Bucket List
It's not very funny, neither is it heartwarming - it's far too rote to feel so. In fact, this movie made me feel nothing at all; everything is so completely manufactured and mechanical. Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman phone their performances in, playing, well, Nicholson and Freeman, and director Rob Reiner is not much better. It's complete and utter mediocrity, but thankfully, not hateful mediocrity. It's hard to hate Freeman and Nicholson. It's the perfect film for your unchallenging, middle-class parents, though.

三國之見龍卸甲
(Three Kingdoms: Resurrection of the Dragon)
In a movie that doesn't make much historical nor narrative sense, Andy Lau plays a dashing - probably too much so - hero in the Three Kingdoms period in Chinese history, taking huge liberties with historical accounts as he hacks down his enemies left and right within a dull, depressing color palette. Too bad we've seen everything done before, and done better, too. Honestly, this is a real bore to sit through. I can't even summon up the energy to write more about it.

Shutter
Yet another Asian horror remake by the Hollywood factory, and as per normal, it's pretty much yawn-inducing. There were a few things I liked about it though: There is one effective scene lit by flashbulbs, one cool death via camera lens, and I liked how setting it in Japan made Taylor's character more helpless. Otherwise, it's a resounding "meh", and an altogether dull time at the movies. I'm so glad I didn't have to pay for this. Then again, I probably wouldn't have seen it otherwise.

Teeth
I was so excited to see this movie - it had an irresistible B-movie concept (a girl with teeth in her vagina? Holy shit!), and I do so love great B-movies. Unfortunately, the greats are few and far between, and this one falls short on the execution, thereby somewhat wasting a wonderfully crazy concept. The problem with horror-comedies is that it's hard to get the tone right (for a positive example, see Slither), and writer-director Mitchell Lichtenstein can't quite master that yet, resulting in something that's neither scary enough nor funny enough. Still, that's a great lead performance, and I'll be interested to see what else Jess Weixsler does next.

The Other Boleyn Girl
On paper, this was a can't-miss for me. I like Eric Bana, and adore Natalie Portman and Scarlett Johansson. I loved The Queen, and anything written by its writer Peter Morgan should be good. But wait a second, who's this Justin Chadwick guy who's directing? Never heard of him. Oh well, it couldn't be that bad, could it? It was. The pacing was atrocious, taking forever to get to any dramatic point at all, but then in the final act, enough subpar melodramatic twists are thrown in to fill an entire TV series. It almost seemed as if they suddenly realized they had a movie to wrap up and only half an hour to do it in, 'cos they'd been fucking around the whole time they were supposed to be working. In this shallow, shallow Elizabethan world, everyone - kings, queens, nobles - just kinda sit around and mope; it's a wonder the country didn't run itself into the ground.

Definitely, Maybe
It's a little different from typical romcoms in having some actual idea of how people and relationships begin and drift apart and end... not hugely dramatically, but often with little fanfare and Big Moments. There are no Evil Bitches or Heartless Cads here, only realistic (well, more realistic than usual) people that come complete with both good and bad points. The cast are all appealing without being annoying, and after a while, you realize that for once, it really doesn't matter who ends up with whom, because you like all of them. It could do with a little less pointless convolution in the second half, but as a whole, it's definitely - not just maybe, no, not at all - very watchable indeed.

Funny Games U.S.
Not having seen the original, but having read quite a bit about it, I was mentally prepared for the experience, or so I thought. Still, Haneke's consummate skill at creating and maintaining tension got to me, and I felt as though I'd been mentally raped after watching it. But in a good way. Of course, one could argue that it's a needless remake, since all the shots and dialogue are the same. One could also argue that breaking the fourth wall and addressing the audience directly detracts from the experience. But hey, whatever. It might not be the film of his that I like the most, but I'd take being mind-fucked over a mind-numbing blockbuster any day.

Feet Unbound
An interview-heavy documentary usually lives or dies based on the strength of its subjects, and this Singapore filmmaker has no lack of amazing interviewees - the female survivors of China's Long March. Listening to these old, feisty women speak is an Experience in itself; it's no wonder the stuff around it - the parallel journey the female protagonist makes - pales greatly in comparison. I can see why the director chose to use her to link the interviews; I just cannot identify with her at all, and at times, her pointless ruminations on everything simply annoy. Still, I'm going to err on the side of caution and say this is worth a look at, if only for the interviews alone (even though the other stuff brings it down to mediocre level). You can check out the website here.

The Children of Huang Shi
(a.k.a. Escape from Huang Shi)
A movie that no one really cared about, and I can see why. While its heart may be in the right place, the execution is truly mediocre at best. The film goes through a checklist of plot developments like clockwork, but unfortunately the human element never really comes through. Something worth mentioning, though, is that the lead character isn't as obvious a Foreign Hero as I thought he'd be - he probably learns more from the kids than they from him. However, it's sad when a movie's more notable for Chow Yun Fatt's much-improved diction than for anything else. And what's with retitling it Escape from Huang Shi when the actual escape is over in a couple of brief montages that really show nothing at all?

一個好爸爸 (Run Papa Run)
A funny, dramatic, heartwarming, refreshing mash-up of genres, Sylvia Chang's latest, while slightly schizophrenic, is more than decent entertainment. Rene Liu turns in a fine performance with (unexpectedly) impeccable comic timing, and Louis Koo is dependable as always in a role that seems tailor-made for him. While the ending fizzles out its initial promise, what went before is more than sufficient to make this little movie thoroughly engaging and enjoyable. Just ignore the overly-cutesy, butt-ugly poster.

The Forbidden Kingdom
Real Chinese will probably be full of endless mockery for this bastard child of a movie. Wait, actually, almost everyone will, with the exception of a hyperactive 12 year-old. It's nothing but a random hodgepodge of kungfu flicks and Chinese legends filtered through a white man's eyes, and garnished generously with bits of The Karate Kid. Honestly, this is so completely full of shit it's hilarious - perhaps it can serve as some college kid's choice for Bad Movie Night. Hell, kungfu legend Jet Li even does a cheap pee joke in it - the horror! Probably the one good thing about it is the Jackie Chan vs. Jet Li fight scene, and even that would've been much better in a Hong Kong flick.

Iron Man
This marks the start of Blockbuster Season, and what a start it is! I must admit, I had doubts about director Jon Favreau, but everything about Downey Jr. in the trailers screamed "Perfect Casting!". And happily, the movie doesn't disappoint, being a solid, thoroughly entertaining popcorn flick. Downey Jr., of course, is the heart and soul of it all, carrying the entire film with charisma and wit to spare. Gwyneth Paltrow is a fantastic foil to his Lothario, and the chemistry between them positively sparks as they exchange banter reminiscent of screwball comedies from a bygone era. Too bad she becomes nothing more than a damsel in distress towards the end. But hey, whatever. All in all, it's a damn good time at the movies, and with a summer blockbuster, that's more than good enough.

And Then, What?

2008-08-03T20:30:00.008+08:00

I don't do this often. In fact, almost never. But this Eason Chan song 然後怎樣 (And Then, What?) has been in my head the last couple of days, and I like it more and more. Which is rare for one of his songs that's in Mandarin, as opposed to Cantonese. But hey, a good song is a good song. And the lyrics are something. Simple, precise, but oh-so-true, like a stab to the heart.

然後怎樣

作詞：林夕
作曲：曲世聰

完成了所謂的理想　放縱了情緒的泛濫
汗都流亁　天都微亮
然後怎樣

擁有了旅行的空檔　卻遺失流浪的背囊
沿著軌道　一直瀏覽
然後怎樣

假期過完　有甚麼打算
走過一個天堂　少一個方向
誰在催我成長　讓我失去迷途　的膽量

我怕誰失望　我為誰而忙
我最初只貪玩　為何變負擔
為何我的問題　總得等待別人　的答案

《我的快樂時代》唱爛　才領悟代價多高昂
不能滿足　不敢停站
然後怎樣

A real, heartfelt cry from the disillusioned modern man. Fucking depressing. Fucking good. 林夕 does it again.

Eason!

2008-07-26T03:52:00.004+08:00

I am incredibly psyched for the 陳奕迅 (Eason Chan) concert, which takes place in 16 hours. It will be awesome, and so completely unlike his previous, rather cheap concert here.

Maraudin' March, Batgirl!

2008-07-26T03:05:00.002+08:00

Things We Lost in the Fire
Halle Berry plays a role that's kind of like what she plays in every serious drama she takes on, where she looks real depressed and stumbles around aimlessly. Benicio Del Toro also does the same thing he does in every other drama, where he looks dirty and aimless and shuffles around, depressed. And so no matter what it's about, this indie drama feels like every other indie drama out there. Granted, it's not especially bad or poorly made, but neither is it outstanding - simply mediocre.

Fool's Gold
I think it's supposed to be an action-adventure/romantic comedy hybrid, but unfortunately it works on neither count. The action is yawn-inducingly boring, the romance is D.O.A., and the comedy is insistently unfunny. Not knowing how to balance the different aspects, the director (I don't even care who it is, and can't be bothered to look it up) simply decides to flip-flop between the tones whenever he wants, resulting in awkward, jarring shifts. Throw in smug, annoying performances by the leads and supporting cast alike, and a nonsensical script that's ruthlessly insulting, and you have a movie that sinks even before it leaves the port.

Charlie Wilson's War
Tom Hanks is very charismatic as the titular Charlie Wilson in this thoroughly enjoyable movie, working his charm on everyone in government to further his well-intentioned cause. If only Today in Parliament was half as entertaining (but then again, how can Singapore politicians stand against Mr. Hanks?). It all ends on a nice, darker and more sombre note as we reflect on the lessons of history and how no one seems to learn from them at all. Simplistic? Perhaps. But it doesn't make it any less entertaining, especially with a Phillip Seymour Hoffman performance that can only be described as "great fun".

The Water Horse: Legend of the Deep
When I first saw the shitty trailer, I vowed to stay away from the movie, as it appeared nothing more than an irritating kid-flick with an overly cute baby monster, sort of an inferior copy of E.T. (hey, that sounds like CJ7!) But after reading more about it, the many positive reviews changed my mind, and I gave it a shot. And I was glad, because this wasn't just a good kid movie, this was a good movie, period. There's surprising depth and maturity at work here in all the characters, and a good portion comes with setting the film smack in the middle of World War II. These characters have to deal with lots more on their mind besides a monster plaguing their loch, and it shows in every scene. The film shies away from the typical melodrama, relying on simple, honest emotion and subtlety (a real rarity in a kid movie) to tell a good tale very well indeed. If only it had a better title.

ヱヴァンゲリヲン新劇場版: 序
(Evangelion: 1.0 You Are (Not) Alone)
I'm a fan of the Evangelion anime series, and watching this movie was like revisiting an old friend to find that he's changed. Not for better or worse, just changed - the beats remained similar, and there was nothing much that was fleshed out more. It was rather fun to try to pick out what had been changed - mostly in the form of the improved, breathtaking visuals. The pacing was stepped up, of course, since it compresses the series a little, but this was to its benefit, and there was still enough breathing room for the emotional beats. I'm not sure how good it'll seem if you've never seen the series, though, because there may not be enough time to get to know all the characters. I look forward to the rest of the trilogy anyway.

第一誡 (Rule #1)
Singapore director Kelvin Tong's latest effort starts off well enough and leads us through a good number of twists and turns. However, the more we're led down the path, the more we get the feeling that the twists serve no real purpose beyond fucking around with the audience, and this is especially true in the final reveal, which is beyond unfair - unlike The Sixth Sense, this one not only came out of left field, it didn't even play fair. Such a reveal should come with a devastating emotional resonance, but this raised barely a whimper, probably because we were already sick of it all. And the multitude of cheap scare tactics (sudden LOUD music cue! Again!) didn't help either. Tong's capable of better things.

Brick Lane
The pros of this film is that the leads are good. Kaushik delivers an unexpectedly layered performance in the seemingly stereotypical husband, and Chatterjee, playing his wife, also shows nice range and subtlety. This is, however, insufficient from saving the film, which constantly heads down the "been there, done that" path. No matter how it tries to avoid the typical melodrama, it isn't very much more than a rote, prettied-up immigrant drama.

밀양 (Secret Sunshine)
The lead actress Jeon Do-yeon carries this entire film on her scrawny shoulders, with her powerful central performance in a role tailor-made for Awards. In the film's 142-minute running time, she goes through so many highs and lows and extreme shifts, the audience is left exhausted watching her. The pacing is slow, granted, but narrative drive is always present, and we're taken on an emotional roller-coaster - if not a particularly enjoyable one. There are no answers in life, least of all from a non-existent God, no matter how much we want Him to be there.

Grace Is Gone
This is a film that's all about the performances as well, and the girls who play John Cusack's daughters do their job with almost scary perfection. Cusack also dials down his typical smart-alecky screen persona to convincingly portray an anguished everyman coming to terms with personal loss. Despite the temptations to stray into shitty melodrama territory, the film resists all such urges to deliver a simple, emotionally true and moving story that's well told.

El Orfanato (The Orphanage)
What is it with horror films nowadays? When will directors learn that gore isn't scary in the least, that revolting doesn't mean shit when you've got a strong stomach like I do, when stupid music cues accompanying shock cuts just make people annoyed? Well, first-time director Bayona staunchly refuses to follow any of the current conventions, and instead produces a scary movie that is classy to the last frame. True, it's nothing that hasn't been done before, but Bayona is a meticulous student of the classics, and he emulates them exceedingly well, delivering on all the chills and jumps without resorting to cheap shocks. Additionally, lead actress Rueda provides a strong emotional core to anchor the film, and that human touch is what separates a good scary movie from a mediocre retread.

The Spiderwick Chronicles
How many mediocre kiddie fantasy movies adapted from books do we need to see before the trend will finally die? Perhaps a few more, as this movie and the Narnia crap show. The CGI, while passable enough, is hardly gasp-inducing after the deluge of such flicks, and the plotting is merely pedestrian, with no real sense of danger to the crises the characters face. What's good about it is that the characters have some actual depth, which is a nice surprise, and Freddie Highmore is good in his dual role. But apart from that, there's nothing really worth your time here.

Be Kind Rewind
If there's one thing Michel Gondry is good at, it's amazing low-tech visuals, and it's no different here, in a bizarre tale incorporating insanely detailed (but still low-tech) restagings of classic movies. In fact, some of these sequences are flat-out ingenious in their staging and camera movement. But cool visuals are no replacement for story, and the one that he tells here is both imaginative and sweet. Too bad the many story threads escape Gondry's control ultimately, but the finale is heartwarming nonetheless, and the overall experience is indie feel-good fuzzy.

Semi-Pro
Often, actors and directors find a groove they think they're good at, and insist on keeping at it, not realizing that they exhausted their original creativity after a couple of movies, and are simply churning out below-average product for the lowest common denominator masses. This seems to be the case with Will Ferrell, who keeps on slipping with each and every sports-themed comedy he takes on, and recycles his overgrown man-child schtick over and over again. Despite assembling a group of more than decent comedians, the movie's good for only a couple of chuckles here and there (even though the finale is entertaining enough), and everything else just feels tired and weak.

クローズ ZERO (Crows: Episode 0)
Takashi Miike is not a director who typically makes films for the masses, but here he is with a comic book adaptation and probably his most commercial flick. Still, no matter what he does, he always manages to put his own unique stamp on things, and this is no exception, with insane visuals and a rather twisted sense of humor. However, this doesn't make it any less uneven, and to be frank, I was rather bored for most of it. There's still action, rather amusing slapstick humor and a decently entertaining climax though, so it's not all bad.

Becoming Jane
Confession: I only went to this movie because I thought Angeline might like it, her being a Jane Austen fan and all. Unfortunately as it turned out, this is more like a bargain basement Jane Austen that insists on shoehorning the author into a story ridiculously similar to the ones she wrote. I didn't feel anything for any character, and honestly did not give a shit about anything that happened in this lackluster period romantic comedy that wasn't very funny at all. Actually I don't really remember anything at all, because I was sleeping through half the movie. But according to Angeline, I didn't miss much.

Charlie Bartlett
Yes, I know almost everyone views this as a shittier copy of Rushmore, but to be honest, I rather liked it - in fact I liked it a little more than Juno, because it lacks the "trying too hard to be quirky" dialogue Juno had. Facsimile of Rushmore aside, Yelchin is good in the title role, proving himself to be a more than decent young actor (along with his turn in Alpha Dog), and while it'll feel familiar to anyone who's seen teen coming-of-age comedies (and, well, Rushmore, apparently), it's still very entertaining. That's all the defense I'll give.

奪帥 (Fatal Move)
I had a horrible time at this movie. I was hoping it'd be an action-packed and yet not completely brainless flick, along the lines of SPL. Boy, was I wrong. It aims to be a crime epic like, oh, Johnnie To's Election films, but it fails spectacularly through plain bad writing and truly inexplicable, atrocious directorial choices. For example, ridiculous action scenes where people jump down like 5 stories without any injury. It's fine in a kungfu flick, but completely off the mark here. Honestly, it's worse than some student films, which is saying a lot. How can you justify multiple melodramatic flashbacks in an overlong finale that kill the pace in the hope of adding emotional heft to a scene, but which are good for no more than a slap on the forehead and sniggers? It's a train wreck, a painful and overlong train wreck that's a blight on the face of Hong Kong action cinema. Oh yes, Fatal Move indeed.

In Brightest Day, in Darkest Knight...

2008-07-24T07:21:00.003+08:00

I had a hell of a time trying to get tickets to The Dark Knight - pleading, begging and cajoling all my colleagues who'd successfully balloted for tickets to the gala preview (In an ironic turn, I'd failed to secure any for the movie I most wanted to see, even though I'd gotten tickets every single time I tried for previous, shittier movies like Speed Racer). Finally, though, my efforts paid off, and it was with nervous anticipation that I sat in the theatre last Tuesday night (yep, on the 15th), waiting for the movie to start, wearing my new Bat-logo movie tie-in FCUK T-shirt.

I can't write better about the movie than tons of other people already have, since I didn't start writing this earlier. Suffice to say that my expectations had been sky-high, and yet it managed to surpass all of them, leaving them trailing in the wind like yesterday's laundry.

I expected a decent superhero movie, because, well, let's face it, Batman Begins is pretty hard to top. I got a crime epic that escalated to involve the humanity of an entire city. I expected a smart script, maybe not quite up to the mindfuckery that was Memento, but at least along the lines of The Prestige. I got a dense tome with layers upon layers of depth, twists and turns, reminiscent of a Shakespearean tragedy. I expected good performances. I got a mind-blowing portrayal of The Joker from Heath Ledger, perhaps the best screen performance of a villain ever. I expected to cry. I did so, more than once. I expected to feel thrilled at the end of it all. I ended up having no strength to do anything but sit there and soak in the entire experience.

There's no doubt about it. The Dark Knight is the Movie of the Year. Wall-E might come close, but there's no real competition in my heart. Not with a character that I've loved for almost 20 years. Plus, it's got a really sweet poster campaign. Now, to watch it in Imax... when's that coming out here?

Flippin' February, Robin!

2008-06-25T02:19:00.003+08:00

S-l-o-w-l-y making my way through the year; here are my notes on the movies I saw in February.

Atonement
While the story didn't feel completely original or surprising, the good performances more than make up for it. The Final Twist (more of a twist of a knife in the gut, really) wasn't too surprising, but packed quite a punch emotionally, especially with Vanessa Redgrave's fine, fine performance. It also boasts a great score, especially in the opening scenes, the sound editing of which meshes perfectly with the visuals - rather ostentatious, but it worked well, nonetheless. Finally, there's an astoundingly good performance from the young Saoirse Ronan - she's worth the admission price alone.

This Film Is Not Yet Rated
While it serves as a rather entertaining and obnoxious "Fuck You" to the MPAA, it isn't really a good documentary in any sense of the word. Filled with far too much muckraking, it doesn't seem to have much to say beyond "Look at how stupid these MPAA people are". Less of that and more conversations with actual filmmakers might've helped tremendously. Very, very cool posters, though (to avoid accusations of sexism, I'm including both male and female versions).

長江 7 號 (CJ7)
I have to admit, it's amusing in bits (rather small and miserly bits for me), but Stephen Chow's recent penchant for including more and more drama in his comedies just does not work at all for me. This is especially when it tends towards manipulative melodrama and hackneyed plot developments. A filmmaker needs to establish his tone right off the bat, and unfortunately the tone for this was established as cartoony action, which means the melodrama completely fails to engage because one simply cannot believe in it. It ends up being one big, weak and disappointing mess. A tip for Mr. Chow - leave it to Spielberg. He's got much more control of tone than you do.

Away from Her
Probably one of the best films of the year, this film proves you don't need to have huge thundering Serious Themes That Are Vitally Important and huge Hollywood budgets to be a winner. You simply need a small, deeply human story that's well told, and actors who have the ability to touch the audience with deceptively simple portrayals. This is a beautiful film, emotionally rich and resonant, featuring a stunning lead performance by Julie Christie. To appropriate a line from the film: "We should all be so lucky". Indeed.

Gone Baby Gone
Who would've thought it? Ben Affleck as director, and a damn good one at that. This noir twists, and turns, and then twists some more, leading us down several different, diverging paths before finally revealing itself as something completely different from what it appeared to be initially. It takes a lot to surprise me, and I was surprised by this film. It's a refreshing and strong directorial debut with some really great tension and oodles of authenticity. Casey Affleck, while probably a nepotist casting decision, really shines and shows that his amazing turn in The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford was no fluke.

The Leap Years
I originally thought this was going to be the worst local movie of the year - until Dance of the Dragon came along and appeared to completely blow this out of the water (in more ways than one). Not having actually seen the latter (it was dropped from cinemas faster than body parts from a leper), I'll have to be content with dissing the former. There are just so many annoying things about this vile movie - the never-quiet score, the ridiculous contrivances, the awful writing, the horrible acting from almost everyone, the complete and utter lack of chemistry between the leads - in a romance, go figure. I could go on and on. Definitely a strong contender for "Worst of the Year", and a real black mark on Joan Chen's career.

No Country for Old Men
Entire books could be filled with the online debates on this film, and I couldn't possibly do it justice in these few lines. Epic in scope, but minutely observed, this is the Coen brothers operating at the top of their game. This is one of the finest filmic adaptations of a novel, both in spirit and in form. It's masterful, brilliant, hypnotizing; full of sadness, futility, ambiguity. In short, it's unmissable.
(Both posters looked so gorgeous, I couldn't decide between them)

The Kite Runner
Not having read the novel, I can't say how this adaptation compares, but as a film, there's precious little to love about it. It's resolutely middlebrow and utterly bland. Sure, Muslim fundamentalists cry foul over it, but religious fundamentalists cry foul over every fucking thing, because they're complete fuckwits. Anyhow, there's nothing remotely controversial over it, because there's nothing much there beyond shamelessly in-your-face emotional manipulation and pretentiousness.

Rambo
While it has some decent action sequences, the politics of the movie are rather off-putting. They roughly translate to: A bunch of Asians is killing lots of other Asian types. Oh well, that's just too bad, isn't it? They slaughtered entire villages? How naughty. No, wait, now they've kidnapped a small group of Christian missionary types?! How dare they? We'll send in John Rambo to wipe their fuckin' asses off the face of the planet!

P.S. I Love You
An stinking pile of crap designed for the same people who love wishy-washy bullshit romances like The Leap Years (i.e., stupid, stupid females), this movie irritates from the very first scene, which made me want to slap the leads already. This scene also establishes the complete artificiality of Gerard Butler and Hilary Swank's marriage, and it only becomes more and more twee when he dies and becomes this psychotic stalker who seems to insistent on making his words heard from beyond the grave. There are some mildly amusing turns from Swank's friends, but that's about all the movie has going for it.

There Will Be Blood
Wow. The second masterpiece this month comes courtesy of P.T. Anderson, in the form of this utterly captivating film that's epic in its scope and overwhelming in its intensity. In a fierce and strangely charismatic performance, Daniel Day-Lewis sucks you right in for an exhilarating, exhausting journey into the dark depths of humanity and capitalist greed.

Juno
To be honest, while I enjoyed Juno and found it very entertaining, I felt it was one of the more overrated ones in the current crop of award-winning films. Certainly the screenplay, which tries too hard to be smartass and cool, doesn't really deserve a Best Original Screenplay Academy Award. The entire enterprise rests on the capable shoulders of Ellen Page, who is excellent in the titular role, letting her vulnerability shine through her facade of wisecracks and jibes. Michael Cera, the best comedy actor of his generation, bar none, is also great in his sweet, awkward shyness (which he perfected in Arrested Development). I wish there was more of him, though. He's da bomb.

Persepolis
While the structure is rather episodic, which I'm not usually a fan of, the film itself is still captivating, nonetheless. There are nice touches of black humor and wry observations on living in such an insane environment. The animation style does wonders for the storytelling, making it much more powerful than a regular live-action film possibly could be. However, I kinda expected a little more from it, so I couldn't say I was completely satisfied. I suspect this to be due to inflated expectations from all the hype about it, so it's definitely still well worth your time and money.

Happy Birthday to Me

2008-06-17T06:14:00.000+08:00

'Tis better to give than to receive.

Whoever said that has obviously never been on the perpetually-non-receiving end of things.

I'm sick of never getting what I deserve.

From the company.
From my country.
From people.
From life.

It's not my job to make sure you get to keep yours.

I'm super fucking tired.

Jumpin' January, Batman!

2008-06-09T00:51:00.005+08:00

January's movies. They're very late. Half a year late, to be precise. Whatever.

While January is typically a filmic drought in the US, it's different here in Singapore, for January saw a bumper crop of film releases that have been eagerly anticipated. We got all the good stuff that the Yankees saw months ago, and we got them all at the same time.

In the Valley of Elah
For most of the film, I was captivated by Tommy Lee Jones' wonderfully subdued performance, his grief and confusion etched in every line of his face. I was also surprised that Paul Haggis finally seemed to have learnt some subtlety, but his ending proved otherwise, for he unzipped his pants, took out his big dripping Theme, thrust it in the audiences' collective face and slapped it around. Apart from that, though, it's good, good stuff.

I Am Legend
The first half of the movie is mesmerizing, especially in its stark desolation and psychological aspects. Yet, at the halfway point, these are completely abandoned, at which point the movie becomes just another action flick. To be honest, the wasted potential bothers me more than anything else in the movie. I can pinpoint the exact scene too - when Will Smith, so rational and logical before, suddenly just decides to fuck all and try to battle it out with the creatures on the pier - a huge What the Fuck moment if there ever was one. And there I was, almost believing Will Smith could've made an intelligent action flick. Maybe next time.

Michael Clayton
This is a wonderfully slick thriller for the literate, which means it's got much more talking than explosions. But hey, is the talking ever gripping and intense, especially the final confrontation between Clooney and Swinton. A great showcase for a stellar cast, this is a thoroughly effective thriller, and keeps the tension high from start to end.

American Gangster
Yeah, it's long, but you don't really feel it, thanks to Ridley Scott's tight pacing and the involving characters. Denzel Washington and Russell Crowe deliver topnotch work (it's rare nowadays that I don't find Crowe annoying in a role), and the moment they finally meet each other is one for the record books. A great gangster epic that's thoroughly entertaining too.

ベクシル 2077 日本鎖国 (Vexille)
There are some spectacular action scenes, but when the characters are standing still and, well, talking, you become extremely aware that they're animated and look rather eerie, with lots of unnatural motion (kind of like Beowulf). That could be forgivable, if the plot didn't seem like such a retread of countless other anime and sci-fi stories, and the characters were given more dimension, as opposed to being pulled out of some character stock library.

集結號 (Assembly)
An underwatched war epic from Feng Xiaogang that focuses more on the individual instead of the epic. It's stunning in its gritty action, yet never loses sight of the wrenching humanity at its core. The lead actor is fantastic, as are the fine supporting cast, and Feng's direction is assured and virtually perfect. The only flaw is that it feels slightly propagandistic at times, but that's almost inevitable with Mainland Chinese films.

Eastern Promises
In the hands of a lesser director, this little film would have been a pathetic B-movie with over-the-top acting and zero audience connection, especially with its none-too-original plot. However, in David Cronenberg's assured hands and with Viggo Mortensen's brilliantly intense performance, it rises above the filth to become a minor masterpiece that's almost perfect.

Reservation Road
The actors seem to be giving their all, or maybe they just feel really really hurt all the time. Unfortunately, the setups are just a shade too contrived to be believable, and while it happily doesn't venture too far into melodrama, it's also too by the book to stand out. There's really nothing to recommend about a movie that depresses the hell out of everyone and doesn't even do it at a decent pace.

The Darjeeling Limited
The film is gorgeous to look at, almost a visual poem proclaiming the beauty of India, and it's got all of Wes Anderson's usual stylistic flourishes, but ultimately I wasn't really able to connect with the navel-gazing, privileged characters. Then they come into contact with the "natives", and suddenly, the whole film comes to wonderful life, poignant and even touching. Too bad it took so long to get there.

By the way, Wes Anderson also made a short called Hotel Chevalier that's a direct prequel to The Darjeeling Limited. OK, well, it's not so much of a prequel, but it's a great short and it explains why Natalie Portman shows up in a montage in the movie for all of two seconds. You can see it here.

Dan in Real Life
For once, a big-screen comedy that's not some high-concept bullshit. This one's got believable characters and realistic situations, and so what if it feels like a sitcom sometimes? It makes you feel all warm and fuzzy inside, and Juliette Binoche and Steve Carell are so down-to-earth and human that you believe completely in them and are rooting for them every step of the way. Carell, especially, is amazing in his everyman persona that's imploding from self-imposed repression.

野‧良犬 (The Pye-Dog)
A Hong Kong indie (how rare!) that actually is pretty good (even rarer!), this is a mishmash of various genres that would normally seem incongruous next to each other, but somehow it all manages to come together relatively nicely here. Eason Chan gets to show off more range than he's ever had, and proves himself to be a decent actor who's improving with every film, in addition to being one of the greatest Chinese singers alive today (personal bias). Singapore always gets the Mandarin dub instead of the original Cantonese (stupid government policies!) and this one has a bizarre change of song at the climax, from a well-known English one to a strange, never-before-heard Chinese song. The change was glaringly obvious from the subtitles to the lyrics, and so the entire sequence was very odd indeed. It should probably be much better in the original Cantonese.

Trade
Have you ever wondered how filmmakers can keep making the same movie over and over again, and instead of improving, it gets a little shittier each time? Well, this is a prime example that treads the well-worn territory of illegal immigrants in the US and how they are abused. Contrivances pile on one on top of another, to the point where suspension of disbelief is simply impossible, and you just sigh and hope that it ends soon. The mostly unknown leads put in commendable performances, but they aren't enough to make you care. Cool poster though.

Cloverfield
In a nutshell, The Blair Witch Project meets Godzilla. Many moviegoers in Singapore were pissed off at it, mostly due to their general ignorance. "Wah lau! I anyhow get some poly students also can make a movie loh," was a comment that I overheard walking out of the theatre. They just don't get it. This is brilliant entertainment that's raw, immediate and in your face. The CGI was especially amazing, considering everything was handheld and there was no way to do motion tracking. And at the end, there are no answers, shit just happens. Unsatisfying for those who like nice, pat closure, but it's more than enough for me. The only drawback were that sometimes the characters make completely stupid decisions, but hey, people do that in real life all the time too.

Comme Tout le Monde
(Mr. Average)
The premise is interesting enough, and rather original. It had the potential to be a sharp satire on the media and the ubiquity of reality TV, but unfortunately, it's more interested in the romantic comedy angle, and so lacks any real bite. Everything thus becomes, well, average. It's watchable enough, but not more than that.

3:10 to Yuma
I love this movie. There's brutal action, stirring heroism, and above all, deeply human characters and emotion, fueling the adrenaline and tugging the heartstrings. Russell Crowe goes two for two this month with a deeply charismatic portrayal of a badass who finds his humanity, and Christian Bale stands toe to toe with him as a father who has to prove himself. With its themes reminiscent of the best of John Woo, this is a Western updated for today, yet transcending the genre to become a timeless classic. Gorgeous.

The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford
If 3:10 to Yuma was an updated Western, then this is a complete reinvention of the genre. It's an absolutely beautiful film, with perfect, gorgeous cinematography. The portrayals are all deeply sensitive (especially Casey Affleck's career-defining turn), and serve to make this an utterly different filmgoing experience, period. It's a strong film, to be sure, but the narrative and treatment has a distancing effect. I admire this as a work of art, but can't feel a strong emotional connection to it. What a work of art, though.

Stephen King's The Mist
It's a B-movie premise, and as a B-movie, this works relatively well, with some nice buildup of tension. However, the middle segment focusing on the splintering of the survivors could've been handled much better, especially since Marcia Gay Harden's crazed evangelical character seems very one-note (not that she's not good at that note - she's a force of nature). The final ironic scene ends the whole film on a sour note, and while I ordinarily wouldn't complain about ending on a note of despair, this one simply doesn't gel well with what's gone before, making it feel forced instead.

The Savages
With two of my favorite character actors starring, how could this film suck? And true enough, Laura Linney and Philip Seymour Hoffman deliver fantastic portrayals of deeply human, deeply flawed individuals taking tentative steps towards reaching out to each other. Realistic developments instead of generic clichés are the order of the day, making this film sadly funny and amusingly sad at the same time. It's a must-watch.

Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street
I've never seen the stage musical (and it's rather unlikely that it'll make its way to Singapore shores anytime soon), and so I can't really compare, and will have to judge the film on its own merits. I'm not terribly taken with the music, but perhaps it's something that grows on you. The visuals though, are another thing altogether - Burton's world is terrifying, yet fascinating and undeniably gorgeous. While Johnny Depp looks great in the titular role, he doesn't really have very much to do, and plays it rather one-note. Carter, on the other hand, is fantastic, elevating her supporting character role to something that pretty much steals every scene she's in.

Le Scaphandre et le Papillon
(The Diving Bell and the Butterfly)
You don't watch this film; you experience it - it's a total sensory immersion into the world of the protagonist, confined to his bed, seeing the world through a single eye, communicating only by blinking. It's experimental, yet deeply moving at the same time, with lensing that's adventurous and beautifully flawed. Strong performances abound, and veteran Von Sydow is a standout in his few scenes, particularly in a heartwrenching one where he talks to his stricken son via telephone. All in all, a wonderful filmgoing experience, not to be missed.

A Post About Nothing

2008-05-19T04:03:00.000+08:00

Since I last updated, we have 7 scripts done and have 3 more to complete by the end of the week. Getting a freelancer to write for a new series is hard, especially because he has no idea what the world is like and what we're trying to achieve. We end up having to rip his entire script apart and basically almost redo the whole thing from scratch. And he's probably paid more than us too. Fuck.

Rehearsals start on Tuesday. I have no idea what the hell we're going to do, because it seems that most of the actors can't make it to the sessions. What's the fucking point of holding them, then?

One thing though, the kids will probably be there. That's going to be very useful at least, to get them to enjoy each other's company and build up some form of camaraderie between them.

Meanwhile, I went batshit insane at the sales this week and spent close to S$700 in two days. Someone asked me how I could afford to buy so much stuff. Simple, it's a four-letter word - "debt". Hey, if FCUK is discounting by 50% or more (hell, I got a shirt for S$24!), I'm there. And I do love my new Braun Buffel satchel.

One more day of rest before the next round on Tuesday.

Update, Finally

2008-05-13T00:21:00.006+08:00

It's been over three months (!) since I last blogged.

I never intended to get so far behind, but shit just kept happening, and happening, and happening. So I guess I'll try to get quickly through most of it, so at least those who give a damn can keep up.

I moved out of my old house at the end of February, sadly, so the days of hanging out on the back porch enjoying a glass of booze and smoking a cigarette are over. I moved into a tiny flat in Toa Payoh with an ex-colleague, and had tons of trouble just fitting everything I owned into it. Those of you who've been to my old place can probably guess as much.

Its previous occupants were an old couple, and let's just say that they were filthy, filthy people. It took us weeks to get the place reasonably clean, and while it's now livable, I'm still far from satisfied. Also, I'm a procrastinator, so even after 3 months, I'm not completely unpacked. I still have trouble finding where stuff is, which annoys the fuck out of me. And we still haven't had our housewarming yet.

Oh, and the rent is actually not much cheaper than the old place. Just imagine: two years ago, a two-storey house could be had for S$1,900 a month. Now I can only get a tiny three-room HDB flat in Toa Payoh for S$1,700 monthly. I just fucking love Singapore - capitalism and free market economics at its best. Rent control? Never heard of it. Who cares about these unmarried people who refuse to be part of a family unit anyway? They don't produce children, and so are of no use at all to the country.

On the work front, last year's comedy is over, and in fact the final episode just aired tonight. A new boss came in, who's also a writer, which is good news because it feels like I finally have someone who can appreciate all the work I do and knows how hard it is.

The best news is that I have a new series that I co-created coming up, for which I'm frantically churning out scripts for. I have a co-writer, and we work well together, coming up with caffeine and cigarette-fueled insanity on a daily basis. We now have 6 episodes down, and 4 to go. Not too bad for a little over three weeks' work.

It's a comedy set in a secondary school, and the scripts are by far the most ambitious I've written for local TV. The rule of thumb seems to be that we don't put anything out we don't find funny ourselves, and because we're so shorthanded, most of the writing is done by us. And that's perfectly fine, because it gives us the chance to build this new world which is interconnected in so many ways, it makes us giddy.

I think it's has probably the fastest pace of any local-made comedy thus far, which is a result of watching seasons of Arrested Development back-to-back. We've also borrowed that show's love of flashbacks and liberally inserted tons of cutaway jokes. If they don't get cut from the show, it'll be tons of fun.

The sad thing is that as usual for the local TV monopoly, we're working on a shoestring budget, and we've been told to scale things down a lot. And I suspect I'm getting too emotionally connected to the scripts since the production period has been so intense, because I felt really hurt at script meetings. This hasn't happened in a long time because I've learnt to distance myself from my work. Still, I don't want to do that until all the scripts are out, because I'm afraid not caring will make me a lesser writer.

But damn, are we working at a breakneck pace. Today, for example, was a marathon writing session which went from 11 am to 10 pm, and we managed to write one and a half scripts, around 40 pages, maybe. It's exhausting, and I don't even know how much coffee I've downed. I've gotten to recognize all the staff that work at the coffee place we write in, and I'm sure they recognize us as well.

I'm also concentrating more on writing because I want to distance myself from the other elements. I tried to care about things like casting, but found myself more and more angry when I didn't seem to have a voice at all (for my friends in the US, yes, that's how the Singapore TV industry works - we don't give a fuck about the creator if they don't have powerful job titles). The people in charge of the channel seem more interested in casting in the lead role someone they'd like to fuck as opposed to, oh, someone who could actually portray the character best. Sitting in those meetings makes me want to scratch my eyes out and stab pencils in my ears. It also doesn't help that the person who has the final say in everything gets distracted by a fucking hummingbird outside his window during a meeting. The hummingbird wasn't actually fucking, but you get what I mean.

I've put in so much for this show I desperately need it to be a success. So that I can show every single one of the fuckwits at HR how much they're underpaying me. So that at the end of my bond, I can walk up to the CEO and say, "Fuck you very much". So that I can have tons more credits on IMDb (haha). So that I can finally say, after all these years at this fuckup of a company, that I have something I'm proud of.

So please, watch it. Watch every single episode of it. And write in to say how much you fucking love it and how it's the best fucking local comedy, like, ever. It debuts on National Day, right after the parade, so you have no excuse.

Also, if I don't get that promotion and pay raise I want in June, I'm fucking going on strike. No two ways about it. Even though I'll be striking on my own.

Dammit, I never meant to get so angry when I started on this post.

The Worst of 2007

2008-02-06T10:10:00.000+08:00

Man, there were a lot of bad movies I saw last year, mostly because of the Golden Village VIP card. There are a ton more that simply wouldn't fit on my lists. So, in fact, most of these movies I hate with a vengeance, which is a first.

The Crap

天堂口 (Blood Brothers) - Ludicrous plotting, atrocious dialogue, tedious exposition and sheer bad acting from Daniel Wu make this a (not so) bloody mess.
The Heartbreak Kid - Hatefully misogynistic and completely unfunny. Ben Stiller needs to stop making movies, period.
Lions for Lambs - An op-ed piece made into an annoying movie that lectures at you for ninety minutes.
快樂工廠 (Pleasure Factory) - Everything that can possibly be wrong about a movie, is wrong here. Absolutely painful and in no way pleasurable.
Rush Hour 3 - Somebody shoot Brett Ratner already. And Jackie Chan should just retire gracefully... oops, too late.
刺青 (Spider Lilies) - Wannabe-pretentious, but ultimately shallow and inert rubbish.
頤和園 (Summer Palace) - Lots of nudity, fucking, and artistic pretension does not make a movie. I'd rather watch porn; at least I can be spared the pseudo-art bullshit.
真相 (Truth Be Told) - A mediocre at best Channel 8 script given a terrible DV treatment.
Un Embrujo (Under a Spell) - Goes a lot of places, but never actually gets anywhere, because the audience is simply falling asleep.
ヴァイブレータ (Vibrator) - I repeat, lots of fucking does not a good movie make. Utterly pointless.

The Disappointments

Bee Movie - Great trailer (the one with the Spielberg cameo), but nothing really works in the movie.
兄弟 (Brothers) - The reunion of (most of) Hong Kong's 5 Tigers of the 1980's fizzles with a by the numbers script and wannabe-pretentious direction.
ドラえもんのび太の恐竜 2006 (Doraemon: Nobita's Dinosaur) - Childhood love re-examined through adult eyes and found deeply wanting.
Elizabeth: The Golden Age - Cate Blanchett's Queen Elizabeth defeats the Spanish Armada, but she's no match for the overblown, ridiculous script and direction.
Evan Almighty - I know the trailers were atrocious. But somewhere deep down inside, I was still hoping against hope that Steve Carell might be able to magically rescue it. Nope.
Frank Miller's 300 - I liked the comic. Hated the movie. It's a 20-minute short expanded to feature length and padded up by excessive slow-motion carnage, which induces yawns after the third decapitation or so.
The Invasion - It was probably fucked up by the studio, because it seems like it's two movies that don't gel well together at all.
鬼啊! 鬼啊! (Men in White) - Horrifically unfunny comedy. What happened to you, Kelvin Tong?
Savage Grace - I don't know what Julianne Moore is doing in this boring, pretentious crap. Pointless, toothless and drama-less.
Transformers - Thank you, Michael Bay, for raping my fond childhood memory and pissing all over it afterwards.

The Overrated

The 11th Hour - Too... many... talking... heads... Zzzz...
Black Snake Moan - Wastes a good premise by being ridiculously moralistic and misogynistic.
Blood Diamond - Well-meaning liberal bullshit, but incredibly arrogant and annoying.
Jesus Camp - Would be so much better if the argument wasn't so one-sided and obvious. Yes, radio deejay guy, I'm looking at you. You ruined the movie.
The King - Predictable, boring, and a waste of Gael García Bernal.
門徒 (Protégé) - Wants to be dark and edgy, as well as an Important Film. But it's nowhere close.
The Pursuit of Happyness - Way too slick to be believable or to resonate, even if it is a true story.
Rendition - Disappointingly rote.
Masz na imie Justine (Your Name Is Justine) - We've seen it all before, and done far better.
投名狀 (The Warlords) - Peter Chan reaches for the stars... and fails.

Black Friday

2008-02-03T02:49:00.000+08:00

January 4th, 2008 was a bad day for me. So bad that I've taken to calling it my personal Black Friday.

In the early hours of that day, just past midnight, I was working on a script. Inexplicably, my laptop died on me, and nothing I did could make it come alive again.

Well, inexplicably is probably accurate. But there had been signs - for the past week or so, it had hung on many occasions, as often as once or twice a day. While my new MacPro had already arrived (boasting 1.5 TB of hard disk space, among other insanely powerful specs), I'd not gotten around to buying a monitor yet, and was still putting off transferring my data. So I guess I'm at least partially to blame for this mishap.

I had to finish the script, pronto - it was due the next day. But I decided to sleep on it and see if the laptop responded in the morning.

It didn't.

I called my brother and tried to get him him to come over, so I could try to slave my laptop to his and retrieve the data. He couldn't come till late afternoon, so I decided to head out to buy a monitor.

On my way to the Apple store, I stopped by Cathay Cinema to use their free internet, so I could send an email to the Final Draft people to get an activation code. Because even if I managed to set up my computer, it would be useless without Final Draft on it.

At the Apple store, I was told that they were out of the monitor I wanted, and I had to wait a few days for it. Damn. In order to start work as soon as I could, I called my cousin and managed to borrow a monitor for a few days.

I was in the process of setting up my MacPro when my brother arrived. He managed to copy all my documents into his laptop, so that was a big help. It was no easy task, because 9 times out of 10, my laptop refused to be recognized as a drive by the master computer, even if it was my MacPro. And of course, the idiot-proof "migration" application couldn't be used on such a faulty machine; it just hung every time we tried.

One happy thing was that my music and photos were on an external hard drive, so they weren't trapped inside the laptop. I began the process of transferring the data on the drive over to my MacPro, since it had 1.5 TB of space just sitting there.

First I copied my music over. That was around 20 GB, so it took a while, even by firewire. Then I was about to copy my photos, but decided to do that last for some reason, and copied the rest of the files, a miscellaneous grab-bag of crap, instead.

Then along came my cousin asking me to go get dinner with him. And so I did.

I came home after dinner and decided to empty out that external drive so I could use it to back up shit. So I deleted everything in it. And then emptied my Trash.

An hour or so later, I decided that it might be nice to import my photos into iPhoto. So I started looking for my photos on my computer. They weren't in the drive I'd copied all the other stuff to. I did a search using Spotlight. Nothing.

I started getting a sinking feeling in my gut. I frantically opened every single folder I could find.

Still nothing.

It was then that everything became clear to me. In my haste to empty out my external drive, I'd forgotten to copy my photos over.

I had accidentally deleted all my photos. All my photos. Everything.

Then I thought - Time Machine! Apple has this application that automatically backs up your shit and enables you to restore your computer to what it was at an exact point in time. I opened it. Turns out you have to activate it... and I hadn't, of course. Fuck.

I started to tremble a little as the enormity of what I'd done sunk in. All of my photos, taken over the last 6 years, were gone. I had to grab a cigarette. Or two. Or three.

When I came back, having chain-smoked like mad and made several panic-stricken phone calls, I had a game plan. I searched around for programs that could be used to recover files deleted off a drive, and found a few. Except they wouldn't let you use them properly until you paid for them. I decided to try a few scans with the trial versions. One of them - Data Rescue II - seemed more thorough than the others, so I gave it a run.

It took seven hours. Well, it was a 320 GB drive. I went to bed and woke up, and it was all done. I chose one photo to save as a trial (you're only allowed one in the trial version), and it seemed decent. So I coughed up the US $100 for it, and began the process of recovering my pictures.

Another few hours later, the task was completed. It appeared as if most of the photos were recovered, except now they were all in a huge mess that needed sorting out. It'll probably take weeks. It's such a daunting task that I haven't gotten around to starting it yet. But hey, all in all, I should be grateful.

If anyone has accidentally deleted stuff, you can pass my your drive, and I can try the recovery thing. It's pretty effective, I think, but the main thing is that you should never write more information on the disk after you realize your mistake. Same thing goes for a memory card in a digital camera. If you accidentally wipe it, stop taking photos immediately, and if you must, buy a new memory card to use in the meantime. This is because even though the data is deleted, it still exists in the drive or card until something new comes along and is written over it. So it's still recoverable, but not if you stupidly copy more shit to the drive or take more pictures. Good to know.

So yeah, that was a shitty Friday indeed.

There's more about the whole laptop saga. I called AppleCare, and they told me my best bet to get my data was to go to a service center and get my hard disk out of the laptop, because it appeared as though the hardware of my laptop had been fried, but the disk might still work.

When I got there, I was told I had to be charged for the cost of simply opening up the fucking thing and getting the drive out. Because my extended warranty had expired one month ago. I suspect the fuckers program their computers to fail right after 3 years. Anyway, I called AppleCare again and tried to get them to waive the charges. After a long discussion with both me and the service center staff, the reply was "no". Flat-out rejection.

I tried to reason with them. Hey, I'd just bought a $13,000 computer from you guys. Surely you can waive this tiny charge for me. I'm a loyal customer. I swear by your computers.

Didn't make a difference. Fuckers. I thought they'd be different. In the end they're still fucking corporate assholes, toeing the company line. So what if they were Australian or American instead of local? Doesn't make them more fucking humane. What's the point of hiring all these expats when you just need someone to be completely fucking useless? Fucking illiterate ah bengs can do the job just as well.

I hate fucking AppleCare. They're fuckers with no human decency. And charging $130 for removing a few screws is just too fucking much.

So I'm still trying to get my hard drive out at this point. My cousin seems to have found someone to do it, so I'm hoping he's successful. In the meantime, I'm waiting on importing all my music and photos into iTunes and iPhoto because I want to try as far as possible to save time on re-organizing, hoping that I can get some preferences and setup configurations and shit out of my laptop. So I have no music on my MacPro's iTunes, which is a real bitch.

Oh, and in the meantime, my iPod died as well - fatally corrupted. It's also past the extended warranty period, although it lasted longer than my laptop did. I used it as backup for some documents and stuff, so I'm currently running a recovery on it to try and save as much data as possible, but because the drive is corrupted, it's taking forever. It's been going on for two days now, and it's not even 10% done yet. Jesus fucking Christ. And damn, do I miss having music when I commute.

So you know what, back your shit up. Over and over again. On several different drives. You never know when stuff is going to die. Well, actually you do. Once the fucking warranty expires.

Anyone wanna buy me a new iPod?

The Best of 2007

2008-02-02T05:21:00.000+08:00

I'm trying not to be too late with the list this year.

Disclaimer: Only films seen in 2007 are included in this list - it is not representative of the films that were released in 2007. We often get films, especially arthouse films, released much later here than in the US. Films which were released more than a year back and now screened as retrospectives, etc. in festivals are also banned from the Top 10.

Top 10 for 2007 (in alphabetical order)

Born Into Brothels: Calcutta's Red Light Kids
One of the most painful experiences I've had in a movie theater, but oh so good.

The Dead Girl
Heartbreaking and beautifully structured and told, with pitch-perfect performances. What more can I ask for?

時をかける少女
(The Girl Who Leapt Through Time)
One of the funniest, most imaginative, and also most moving animes I've ever seen.

Hot Fuzz
Fucking funny, yet also exhilarating as hell. Those who love the subjects the most make the best parodies.

El Laberinto del Fauno (Pan's Labyrinth)
Soaring with imagination, terrifying in its darkness, and yet deeply moving in its humanity.

Letters from Iwo Jima
Clint Eastwood can do no wrong. Miles better than Flags of Our Fathers.

Little Children
Another perfect ensemble, and another perfect human story.

The Painted Veil
They don't make grandly romantic movies like these anymore. A perfect film to fall in love to.

Volver
Darkly funny, and emotionally rich, this is Almodóvar at his peak.

Zodiac
Intense and wearying, this is an epic procedural that demonstrates the complete mastery David Fincher has.

Close, But No Cigar (or, the best of the rest)

13 Tzameti - Visceral and intense noir.
The Bourne Ultimatum - Helluva thriller.
The Fountain - Wildly ambitious, to the extent that it can't not fall short. But completely engrossing and fascinating nonetheless.
Lars and the Real Girl - The most bizarre romantic comedy you'll ever see, but surprisingly sweet and moving.
武士の一分 (Love and Honor) - Another samurai classic that puts the humanity back into the warrior.
戒|色 (Lust, Caution) - Tony Leung and Tang Wei turn in spectacular performances, and Ang Lee does some of the best work of his career.
The Queen - Helen Mirren owns this film, and stirs up all your respect and devotion.
Ratatouille - Pixar does it again, better than ever.
Superbad - Hilarious yet also very moving in its depiction of friendship.
Waitress - Quirky and sitcom-ey, but completely lovable. RIP, Adrienne Shelly.

Top-Notch Entertainment Top 10

28 Weeks Later
881
Apocalypto
Enchanted
Hairspray
Knocked Up
Ocean's Thirteen
Robert Rodriguez's Planet Terror
Rocky Balboa
Sunshine

Last year was only OK, I suppose. There weren't that many good movies I had to leave off these lists. In particular, while Singaporean film output was larger than previous years in quantity, only 881 felt good enough to make it to any of the lists. Most were, in fact, rather terrible. Hopefully this year will be better.

December's Dalliances

2008-01-26T01:46:00.002+08:00

Several factors contributed to the fact that I saw only 10 movies in December (the least for any month last year), a far cry from the top record of November, when I saw 21. First, for most of the month I was busy on back-to-back shoots. Second, my Golden Village VIP card expired on 30 Nov, greatly reducing the incentive of watching anything that came along, no matter how awful it appeared to be. And third, there was simply nothing much of note released this month.

(Pictures of the movie posters are still stuck in my old computer and will be uploaded as soon as I mange to extract them)

2 Days in Paris
Freewheeling, talky little film that nonetheless is very entertaining due to the fine cast and clever lines. Still, it pulls no punches when it comes to the fighting, and every last barb is designed for maximum hurt. Funny, yes, but also very, very human, and painfully so. Julie Delpy's parents play her onscreen parents as well, and they're one of the best things about the movie, stealing every scene they're in.

神探 (Mad Detective)
Lau Ching Wan is wonderful as the titular 'mad detective' who has the ability to see the 'inner demons' and the 'real selves' of the people he meets. The great concept is revealed slowly, leading us through some very interesting twists and turns, not all of which make sense, even at the end. It's all entertaining as hell though, courtesy of Johnnie To. Even when he's slumming it a little, his stuff is still better than most, and worth a watch.

Nanking
It's rather pointless to complain about a documentary being Western-centric when it's made by Caucasians. Not to put down their efforts or anything, but the doc really trumpets their heroism at the expense of the real victims. The interviews with real survivors of the atrocities is the most powerful thing about the film, and one only wishes there'd been more of them. Unfortunately, the impact can be blunted somewhat if you've read about the Rape of Nanking before, which was what happened in my case. Above average, but nothing mind-blowing, for me at least.

The Golden Compass
There's nothing here that stands out as a gem in the fantasy movie genre, although the brutal polar bear battle comes close. Dakota Blue Richards and Nicole Kidman are standouts, playing their roles to perfection, especially the former. But otherwise, the movie seems rote, and never really rises above being merely 'competent'.

หมานคร (Citizen Dog)
You can expect something visually spectacular from the director of Tears of the Black Tiger, and this doesn't disappoint in that sense. It's a heady rush of whimsical imagery, loopy humor and pure insanity. Examples include a mountain of plastic bottles, a city full of people singing along to a pop song, passersby all dressed in the same green dress, motorcycle helmets raining from the sky - the list goes on and on. Sometimes though, one gets the feeling it might be too much of a good thing, and whether you like it or hate it really depends on your stomach for such things. Unfortunately, the pacing leaves much to be desired as the director meanders into tangents at his leisure, which makes it ultimately a weaker film than it should be.

投名狀 (The Warlords)
Peter Chan wants very badly for his epic to be a grand tragedy, but he doesn't quite reach his goal. Some powerful moments do hint at its potential for greatness, but ultimately it's let down by its characters who don't feel real enough for a connection to be established. Perhaps in trying to cater to a Mainland Chinese audience (and censors), it lost much of its ability to be biting and downplays the sexual tensions and ambiguity that could have been explored. We all know Jet Li can't act, so his role as a taciturn general who keeps all his cards close to his chest is perhaps his best role ever, and he performs surprisingly well. Takeshi Kaneshiro's role as the naive, idealistic youngest sworn brother is the weakest link as it's annoyingly one note, and sinks into unfortunate (and unforeseen) comedic depths.

National Treasure: Book of Secrets
The unholy double-team of Bruckheimer and Cage provide a surprisingly entertaining movie - dumb, inoffensive and fun. Sort of a sillier version of The Da Vinci Code, if you will, and way more enjoyable than that movie, because it has the good sense to not take itself too seriously. It's a little overlong in my opinion, but is still good for a brainless night out. The best bits are the sparring sessions between Helen Mirren and Jon Voight. Anything with Helen Mirren gets a free pass in my book.

My Blueberry Nights
My colleague SMS-ed me while watching the movie, complaining that it was awful and that she wanted to walk out. I told her to stick with it, assuring her that it got better and better. And true enough, she enjoyed herself in the end. The first half hour is hard to sit through, because it feels like it's Wong Kar Wai dumbed down for the multiplex crowd, and all the dialogue, while typical of his films, sounds extremely out of place when delivered in English. However, once Norah Jones leaves on her road trip, the film finds its footing and delivers poignant vignettes on various aspects of love. David Strathairn and Natalie Portman are fantastic, and Rachel Weisz makes a terrific entrance as well as a wonderful monologue in an otherwise mediocre role. It all ends with a slice of blueberry pie, a beautiful kiss, and a sweet aftertaste without being cloying.

Across the Universe
It's a stunning achievement for musicals. For a theatre director, Julie Taymor has an astonishing grasp of the strengths that film has, and she exploits it to the fullest in sequences that are outstanding in their visual richness. The musical numbers are gorgeously done, with breathtaking choreography, editing and often wonderfully surreal imagery. I wasn't that taken by it the first time I saw it, perhaps because it does feel a little overlong, but the more I think about it, the more I like it. The best thing about the film is that it lets you look at the Beatles' familiar music through fresh eyes.

Elizabeth: The Golden Age
Undeniably, it's fun to watch Cate Blanchett chewing up all the scenery in her vicinity and spitting it out with unabashed vigor. But soon you realize that it's all in the service of a nonsensical plot that's really quite boring and nothing more than stock melodrama. It tries to distract with ridiculously overblown camera angles and movements, and more over-the-top costumes than you can shake a stick at, but all the visual gloss hardly disguises a wafer-thin excuse of a story.

Say It Isn't So

2008-01-23T07:07:00.000+08:00

The first SMS I received this morning was from my colleague. With some news that seemed so unbelievable, it felt like a parody or some kind of sick joke.

A quick check online revealed that it was all too true.

From the Variety.com website:

Heath Ledger dead at 28
Actor found deceased in New York City
by Associated Press

Heath Ledger was found dead Tuesday at a downtown Manhattan residence, and police said drugs may have been a factor. He was 28. NYPD spokesman Paul Browne said Ledger had an appointment for a massage at the Manhattan apartment believed to be his home. The housekeeper who went to let him know the masseuse had arrived found him dead at 3:26 p.m.

The Australian-born actor was nominated for an Oscar for "Brokeback Mountain," where he met his wife, actress Michelle Williams, in 2005. Ledger and Williams had lived in Brooklyn and had a daughter, Matilda, until they split up last year.

Ledger was to appear as the Joker this year in "The Dark Night," a sequel to 2005's "Batman Begins." He's had starring roles in "A Knight's Tale" and "The Patriot," and played the suicidal son of Billy Bob Thornton in "Monster's Ball."

Ledger grew up in Perth, and began doing amateur theater at age 10. At 16, he moved to Sydney to pursue an acting career, quickly landing TV movie roles and guest spots on Australian television.

After several independent films and a starring role in the short-lived Fox TV series "Roar," Ledger moved to Los Angeles and costarred in "10 Things I Hate About You," a teen comedy reworking of "The Taming of the Shrew."

Offers for other teen flicks came his way, but Ledger turned them down, preferring to remain idle than sign on for projects he didn't like.

"It wasn't a hard decision for me," Ledger told the Associated Press in 2001. "It was hard for everyone else around me to understand. Agents were like, `You're crazy,' my parents were like, `Come on, you have to eat.'"

His latest role was in "I'm Not There," in which he played one of the many incarnations of Bob Dylan — as did Cate Blanchett, whose performance in that film earned an Oscar nomination Tuesday for best supporting actress.

RIP, Heath. The world is a darker place without your talent.

30 Days of (Mostly) Crap

2008-01-12T20:33:00.000+08:00

In the 30 days of November, I saw 21 movies at the theatre. Out of these 21 flicks, I'd only recommend 5, and am ambivalent about 1 or 2 others. Everything else was crap. Such is the bane of the holiday season in Singapore, when every distributor only has dollars on the mind. OK, fine, there were still a bunch of "arthouse" movies, but honestly, they weren't very good at all.

Note: I'm having trouble migrating files to my new computer, so there are no movie posters in this post. I will rectify that as soon as I can.

Rendition
Honestly, I agree with its political point of view, which makes it all the more disappointing when this movie does not work. Its biggest downfall is that the villains are pure cardboard characters with no shades of gray. There's also a plot twist that seems neat but upon reflection is rather pointless, because it neither serves to further the plot nor adds any other dimension to the events occurring. All in all, a perfect movie for the middlebrow anti-Republican crowd.

Stardust
It does feel overstuffed with way more characters than seems necessary, and many great actors are wasted in minuscule cameos. However, it still ends up being rather fun and entertaining, despite the complete lack of chemistry between Claire Danes and Charlie Cox. Adaptation-wise, of course it's all over the place, but if I wanted to see a by-the-book adaptation I'd watch the first two awful Chris Columbus-helmed Harry Potters. Pfeiffer and De Niro have a grand ol' time camping it up, and it's worth watching just for their scenes.

快樂工廠 (Pleasure Factory)
The film has a completely ironic title, and in more ways than what the director meant. It's absolutely horrendous, and has the ability to inflict actual pain on the audience. You can literally feel your brain cells dying from the sheer pointlessness, the horrible acting, the awful dialogue and unbelievable situations, the pretentiousness of it all, and the ugly-ass cinematography. Or rather, the complete lack thereof. There is good reason that directors in their right minds do not hire fucking video artists to shoot movies, because all they know is to turn the fucking camera on and point it at shit. Focus? A steady hand? Bah! Who needs them? We're making art, man! This is probably my choice for worst film of the year.

鐵三角 (Triangle)
This has a great, never-before-done premise: Take three top directors, and have them do a semi-'exquisite-corpse' movie, with each one continuing where the previous one left off. Tsui Hark starts everything off, passes the baton on to Ringo Lam, and Johnnie To finishes everything off with a bang (literally). It's basically an excuse for them to have fun, and they each use their individual segments to delve into their own pet topics and filmmaking bag of tricks. You'll enjoy it the most if you're a fan of Hong Kong cinema, for you can really tell just by the style and content where each director leaves off and another picks up the baton. Of course, such an approach also comes with its price - plot and character inconsistencies, plotlines and themes that never get resolved, that sort of thing. But you're really having too much fun to care, especially when To does such a good job wrapping everything up in an inspired sequence full of his trademark black humor.

Lions for Lambs
Fucking hell, two "message movies" in a month? What are the chances of that? This is by far the worst such movie I've seen though, because what Redford does is basically package what is essentially a lecture as a narrative movie. It's full of talking heads and not much else, and this is both completely lazy and utterly unacceptable. Even documentaries full of talking heads get tiresome fast, and this is far worse, especially when they're spouting fucking op-ed pieces for dialogue. There ain't nothing cinematic about this crapfest at all.

December Boys
Another of those completely mediocre coming-of-age tales, aimed squarely at the middlebrow wannabe-arthouse crowd, and it caters unashamedly to their tastes. This means that it's one big snorefest for any discerning filmgoer. The locales are gorgeous, and Radcliffe is decent enough, if a little stiff trying to emote while affecting an Australian accent. But everything is too episodic to connect, and honestly, no one gives a shit.

The 11th Hour
Ah yes, the talking heads strike back, only this time it's in documentary form. And holy shit, there are a lot of them - it's just an endlessly repetitive parade of fucking talking heads, saying a lot of nothing much that's new. I don't care how much I agree with its message; having a message doesn't mean you have a movie.

Lars and the Real Girl
Given the outrageous premise, this could've been an unwatchable movie, with another approach and some wrong choices. But instead, it's made into a surprisingly heartwarming, bizarre little movie that sneaks up on you when you least expect it, by a wonderful ensemble that plays everything straight and touchingly human. Ryan Gosling, in particular, is a standout, for the entire movie rests on his shoulders, and he not only makes us empathize with his essentially inhuman (not inhumane; the guy is just like no other human being on the planet) character, he makes us love him. The biggest surprise is actually that the director made Mr. Woodcock after this movie. Mr. fuckin' Woodcock. Inexplicable.

Masz na imie Justine (Your Name Is Justine)
I know I should be outraged by the atrocities performed against the main character in the film. After all, she's conned from her home country, held against her will, raped repeatedly, forced into prostitution, constantly demeaned, blah blah blah. But you know what, I've seen it all before, and done much better. Here everything just gets repetitive, predictable, and completely, utterly, boring. It's never a good sign when halfway through a movie, you wish the main character would just die just so the movie can end.

Bee Movie
I'm sure this seemed like a no-brainer pitch to greenlight. Jerry Seinfeld! Voicing a bee! Ho, ho, ho, what hilarity! And, get this, he falls in love... with a human being! And... he brings a lawsuit against bee farmers and honey plants, for exploitation of bees! I'm wetting my pants already! Too bad it's an idea that's great for a throwaway scene in Family Guy, but an awfully bizarre and overly weird one for a full-length movie. Nothing about it works, really. Except the trailer. Man, I love that trailer. You know, the one with Seinfeld in a bee suit, and Spielberg just kind of chatting and sipping coffee? Yeah, that one.

戒|色 (Lust, Caution)
It didn't fare as well with Western audiences and critics as Brokeback Mountain, perhaps due to the sheer Chinese-ness of it all. Indeed, you have to be really attuned to all the details and have some basic knowledge of Chinese customs and habits to fully get everything. For example, the mahjong scenes are fantastically choreographed and played, with machinegun dialogue between the ladies that are nothing less than cutting. But if you don't know the game, you're missing a big part of what's going on, especially when Tony Leung plays with them for the first and only time. How he plays already betrays his feelings towards Tang Wei - he intentionally lets her have a tile that she needs, and this leads to her winning the round.

Ang Lee's films have always been full of layered characters and laden dialogue, and this has more than most. Indeed, the mores and historical events of the era dictated that everyone hid their real selves from public view, either by tradition or for survival. But if you pay attention, everything is there, simmering under the surface, only exploding to the fore when our two leads join their bodies in coupling. The incisive character study is totally dependent on Tony Leung and Tang Wei, for without top-notch performances, everything falls apart. As they negotiate their relationship from fucking to lovemaking to something that transcends even that, we too, fall in love along with them.

One final note: I wrote before how Singapore distributors brought in only the cut China version. However, to set the record straight, after a whole lot of brouhaha in the local press, including a scathing letter to the forum by yours truly (not that I'm trying to claim credit or anything), the distributors later decided to release the full uncut version - which proceeded to make even more money than the wider release. My friend has a theory that they planned all this as an evil marketing ploy, but I'd like to think they aren't that smart.

ドラえもんのび太の恐竜 2006 (Doraemon: Nobita's Dinosaur)
I had a real fondness for the old Doraemon cartoon as a kid. Come on, which child wouldn't want his very own robot cat from the future, with fantastical toys and machines that could do virtually anything - including time traveling? Yes, it was pretty formulaic, but man, the gadgets were fucking cool. So when they released this new movie, I had to go see it.

Too bad I hated it. First, the Mandarin dubbing was horrendous. Even though the original cartoons were also dubbed when they screened here, I don't remember it being so bad. This was just lousy voice actors trying to outdo each other in terms of making their voices as high-pitched and annoying as possible. The plot was nothing to shout home about, especially with a completely unnecessary subplot (that became the main plot) of big game hunters who traveled through time, which seemed to be added only to pad up the running time. Speaking of padding, the whole movie should've been a one-hour special at the most, for over half of it was pointless meandering around at a glacial pace. Thanks for killing my fond memories.

Beowulf
This movie demonstrates how something can suck horribly and yet be rather decent at the same time. There are some genuinely thrilling action sequences, and the adaptation of the script is interestingly done, with some nice additions and modifications that actually add depth to the old tale. However, the dialogue seems to be rather too modern at times, with nod-nod-wink-wink innuendo that doesn't really sit well with everything else that's going on. The worst part though, is the animation, which is just that little bit off. These characters look human, and sound human, but they sure as hell don't look human when they're talking, especially in the dramatic scenes. There's something missing from them, some spark in their eyes, something just not quite right, that make them feel like pod people or replicants or androids, never quite human. It actually distracts an awful lot, and brings everything crashing down like a huge dead dragon.

The Kingdom
The opening titles for this are absolutely brilliant, telling the historical background of the Saudi-US relationship quickly, economically, and with tons of stylistic flair. Right after that, though, the movie quickly devolves into a typical action movie that just happens to be set in the Middle East. I was so bored I fell asleep during an action sequence. Since the writer also wrote Lions for Lambs (shudder), he's obviously obsessed with The War Against Terror, so there's some token political comment and tacked-on message of tolerance. Which comes after shooting every fucking Evil Arab dead, of course. Way to go, USA, rah rah rah. Oh, and I highly doubt that in real life terrorists carry out all their activities and live in one single apartment building, so that their enemies can conveniently locate them and wipe everyone out in one fell swoop. You might as well call it Al-Qaeda Plaza, that's how ridiculous it is.

The Tattooist
A tattoo artist nicks an ancient tattooing tool from a Maori elder, but discovers that whoever he tattoos from then on is killed by a vengeful spirit who literally tattoos them to death. Helluva premise, to be sure, but it's all wasted on a generic angry ghost story that wouldn't be out of place in a shitty J-horror. There are also gaping plotholes and leaps of logic everywhere. Raintree Pictures' money is in it, so the movie opens with pointless scenes set in Singapore for no real reason, and later features Singaporean supporting actors that mostly suck and are jarring as hell. Honestly, if you're going to play an Asian who grew up in New Zealand, learn the fucking accent. It's not that hard, you just have to, oh I dunno, take some lessons? And while you're at it, it wouldn't hurt to take some acting lessons too. That last comment actually applies to most of the cast as well.

Hero
A movie that's an extension of a much-loved Japanese TV series about lawyers that don't seem to have much work at all, to the extent that they can investigate cases and fly to Korea to track down a truck. They also spend days poring over photographs taken with the mobile phones of hundreds of witnesses. Yeah, they're committed, but you have to wonder exactly how they're getting paid. There are also tons of in-jokes, references and one-scene character appearances that make sense only to fans of the TV show, of which I have not seen anything of. Thus it all made no sense to me at all. I hate movies like that.

Enchanted
Enchanted is an immensely likable movie, and to dislike it is akin to seeing a sweet adorable puppy that's looking at you with wet, loving eyes - and then kicking it in the face. This is all due to Amy Adams and her glowing lead performance, for without it, the movie is nothing. Her role, while it seems simple, is in fact extremely difficult to pull off, for it requires 100% conviction and sincerity, 100% of the time. There's no way anyone can slum through a role like this without the movie falling apart around them, and Adams rises to the task formidably. She is the sweet center that anchors a well-executed, high-concept flick which could've been incredibly annoying, but is thankfully immensely entertaining, and sweet without being saccharine.

Hitman
I don't play the game, so I can't expound on how faithful it is to that magnum opus (*snicker*). There's lots of stuff getting blown up, bullets flying, that sort of thing. Oh, and apparently the best assassins are the ones who go around with a bald head and a fucking bar code tattooed into the back of their skull. Awesome disguise, that. Also, a reasonably attractive chick walks around topless quite a lot for no good reason. It's the biggest attraction, methinks, which really says all there needs to be said about the flick.

Fred Claus
The cast is extremely over-qualified for this one, which manages to lift it from completely unwatchable to somewhat bearable, if overflowing with mediocrity. Vince Vaughn tones down his unrated verbal diarrhea to get a PG-13 rating, and as a result, loses much of his sting. I shan't even get started on all the embarrassing things that are asked of Paul Giamatti as Santa. There's one note of real comic hilarity and smarts in the "Siblings Anonymous" meeting scene, but one good scene out of an entire movie, and after squandering any good faith through sheer crassness and yawn-inducing faux-hilarity, is just too little, too late.

30 Days of Night
The original comic book didn't leave much of an impression beyond the fact that the premise is good and very high-concept, it was tight (it's a very thin book) and the stark black and white imagery was rather cool. Here, they get the visuals down right by stripping almost all color out of the scenes. But the premise of the "30 days of night" where vampires feed like it's their first time at an all-you-can-eat buffet is completely wasted on a movie that's content just to have pretty (or actually, gory and disgusting) images and nothing deeper to any of it. Sure, they try to give the characters some backstory and motivations, but it all seems very superficial; you can't do that much to beef up a stock character. Round this off with a loud and overbearing score (which pretty much represents the entire fiasco) and you've got a real stinker.

The Heartbreak Kid
I've come to dislike Ben Stiller quite a bit. From the lovable loser of his There's Something About Mary days, he's gradually evolved over the years into a shrill, angry and above all annoying middle-aged man - and this seems to be the default character he plays in all his movies now. What's worse about this one is that the entire film is painfully unfunny, misogynistic, sloppily-paced, disgusting, and reeks of desperation. The only plus point in there was Michelle Monaghan, who sticks out like a sore thumb in view of the fact that everyone and everything else around her is profoundly unlikable.

Hooray for Singapore

2008-01-07T14:02:00.000+08:00

I don't watch a lot of videos online, so I only just came across this short, made by a Singaporean documentary filmmaker whose works have been consistently suppressed by the powers that be.

Here's the link to the original page.

The short pretty much speaks for itself. Yes, the ending is rather pointedly obvious, but it works.

Hooray for Singapore.

October's Occupations Part Two

2007-12-31T02:22:00.000+08:00

Holy fuck, it's almost time to do the year-end round-up, and I still haven't managed to get through October yet. I've been insanely busy with shooting the sitcom, but that's another story. Meanwhile, on with the movies.

The Brave One
Jodie Foster is always captivating onscreen, and never more than when she's playing hard and tough characters. But like it or not, this is a concept firmly rooted in trashy B-movie revenge flick territory. Director Neil Jordan tries his best to lift the material, but doesn't always succeed, muddying his message in the process, to the detriment of the film as a whole. A nice, pat Hollywood ending rings especially false, but overall it still gets a pass due to Foster.

C+ 偵探 (The Detective)
Aaron Kwok is becoming quite a decent actor these days, and he manages to carry this genre flick reasonably well. As usual, the Pang Brothers don't care too much about the plotting of things, and there are more than a few head-scratching moments here. But hey, they don't aim very high, and as pure entertainment, this works.

Death at a Funeral
Despite having an all-British cast, this still feels very American, which shouldn't be a surprise, considering that Frank "Yoda" Oz is directing. All in all, it's somewhat amusing, but definitely not as funny as everyone claims it is. One has to wonder how different it might have been if a Brit had helmed it - probably the humor would be very much more wicked.

兄弟 (Brothers)
A cookie-cutter plot serves as the excuse to reunite 4 of the original 5 "Tigers" in the Hong Kong entertainment scene. And as a result the movie is also a sorry excuse. The pacing is horribly slack, and the movie is full of pointless transition shots that have their focus on some random object that's supposed to be "symbolic". It's rubbish, and if that's not enough, it's pretentious rubbish. There's a fine lead performance to be enjoyed from Miu Kiu Wai though, rising above the crappy script with his sheer charisma.

Mr. Woodcock
I hate Seann William Scott, and I want to slap him. He was only ever funny in American Pie, and he's long worn out his welcome. I don't know what on earth possessed Susan Sarandon to sign up for this abysmally unfunny shit. Billy Bob Thornton needs to get a new schtick, pronto. A complete waste of your time.

Superbad
I'm McLovin' this movie! From the opening scene, its hilarity never lets up, and neither does its crassness. But I'm using "crassness" in the best sense of the word, as in "it's full of rude words, but there are no dumb fart jokes involving animals". Despite all this, there's still a wonderful touch of humanity, with surprising insight into the nature of friendship and the mini-tragedies of life.

The Seeker: The Dark Is Rising
Honestly, I expected rubbish, so I was surprised by its adequacy. I've never read the books though, so no opinion on the adaptation. It moves along, and is engaging in places, but never really rises above mediocrity.

Alpha Dog
It's a movie about the pointless lives of SoCal's over-pampered rich brats and how their stupidity causes a simple problem to escalate into a horrific mistake. But the many scenes of them partying and drinking themselves into oblivion almost derail the whole thing in to pointlessness. Fortunately, the gripping and tragic final act redeems everything that came before. Justin Timberlake proves he's more than a pretty face and music maker by turning a fine performance, and newcomer Anton Yelchin also stands out with his innocence and puppy-dog likability.

Ensemble, c'est tout
(Hunting and Gathering)
The "ensemble" in the title is accurate - there's a good ensemble here, and all of them play well off each other. There are no real surprises in the script, but there's lots of quirkiness to go round, as well as plenty of humanity and, well, niceness. Being French, it manages to be genuinely feel-good without too many calculated scenes and remaining Hollywood saccharine-free.

Molière
Touted as "the French Shakespeare in Love", but since Molière wrote comedies, there are lots more jokes thrown in. There's wordplay, slapstick, farce and other such fun stuff to keep it entertaining without being outright stupid, unlike many of today's "comedies". Still, medieval slapstick looks weird, no matter what. All in all, it's still a nice distraction.

I'm a Survivor

2007-12-03T11:50:00.003+08:00

I took part in a half marathon yesterday, and the pain all over my body now reminds me of it every waking (and sleeping) moment.

Here's (roughly) how it happened.

Sometime in September/October:
Stephen and Keith ask me, separately, to take part in it. "21 kilometres? That's fucking insane!" is the response they get.

A week or two later:
I sign up for it anyway, pledging to train for it in the time leading up to 2 Dec.

A couple of weeks later:
I try running for the first time in a few months. I get stitches. And I don't run again.

Early November:
I send the date to my production manager, asking him not to schedule me for a shoot on 2 Dec.

Late November:
I find out he's gone ahead and scheduled me for that day anyway. I secretly rejoice inside and tell Stephen and Keith the bad news. I banish all thoughts of training from my mind.

30 November:
I find out that due to last minute complications, my colleague CY who has also signed up for the run, might be shooting on that day instead of me. "Oh shit," is my first thought.

1 December:
One day before the run, it's confirmed: CY will be shooting in the morning, and she'll miss her run. But I get to do the 21 km! Without any training beforehand whatsoever! Plus, I also get to shoot two scenes in the afternoon after the run! I get visions of me collapsing by the roadside and my body being cleared by road sweepers the next day.

2 December, 4:30 am:
I wake up at a godforsaken time and head for the run with Keith and his friend TJ. A feeling of dread overcomes me. I joke that if my breathing stops, all they have to do is put a cigarette in my mouth to revive me.

6:15 am or thereabouts:
The run starts. Fuck.

At the 6 km mark:
Not too bad, surprisingly. It's been nice and cool so far, with great views. Running down the middle of Shenton Way with towering buildings lining both sides of the street is pretty cool. We stop for a toilet break. Resuming the run is a bitch.

At the 10 km mark:
We stop running and walk for a bit. Then run a bit. Then walk a bit. I start feeling abrasions on my inner thighs - my fat thighs have been rubbing against each other and my shorts for a while now.

At the 12 km mark:
We realize it's been quite a distance, and start running properly again.

At the 13 km mark:
I start feeling something worse than the thigh abrasions. The sweat has wet my shirt, and the wind makes it cold. Cold does something to nipples. And running causes the shirt to move, leading to friction. Which over a long distance leads to major ouch. I try pulling my shirt away from my chest as I run. It's really very annoying, and I can't run properly.

At the 15 km mark:
I tell Keith to go ahead. Fuck it, I'll walk the rest of the way.

At the 18 km mark:
I recover from my running and start being able to walk really briskly. I realize that my walking speed is faster than some others' running speeds. Hee hee. It makes me feel good, overtaking them while walking.

At the 20 km mark:
I run for a little bit, because I think the finish line is up ahead. And then realize that it's still rather far away, so I stop and walk again.

At the 20.8 km mark:
I come round the bend and the finish line is up ahead! OK, time to run a bit so at least I don't look bad strolling across the line. I overtake most people easily, since I've been walking all this while and am pretty well-rested.

At the Finish Line (about 10:00 am):
Woohoo! And ouch, my nipples and thighs hurt again. And knees too. And you know what, so does every part of my body, it seems. I collect my medal. It doesn't look very impressive. I risked my life for this little piece of metal?

Final results:
Stephen took a little over 2 hours. TJ a little over 2.5 hours. Keith is next, at a little under 3 hours (2:58:20). And me with all my walking took a little under 3.5 hours (3:18:25, to be exact). But hey, I'm probably the one who needs the least recovery time.

It's the day after, and I'm still hurting. Going straight to set after a quick shower (I almost screamed like a girl when the water hit my abrasions) didn't help the healing process.

The official guide book to the marathon says, "Use petroleum jelly to prevent chafing in areas like inner thighs, under arms and even nipples." Thanks. I probably should've read it earlier, like before the damn thing.

If I ever do it again, my goal will be to actually run for a larger proportion of the distance. Which shouldn't be too hard if I prepare, like wear a pair of tights or use petroleum jelly, whatever that is. It sounds dirty. I wonder where you get it. A fucking Shell station?

October's Occupations Part One

2007-11-28T13:35:00.000+08:00

Balls of Fury
Starring a poor man's Jack Black, it doesn't really come alive until Christopher Walken shows up. Mildly entertaining, if mostly for Walken's completely bizarre performance that's part drag queen, part mafia boss, and all crazy. Oh yes, and old blind Chinese masters are usually amusing, the P.C. police be damned.

太陽照常升起 (The Sun Also Rises)
Made up of three interconnected segments that build upon one another and gradually add depth to all the characters and circumstances. It starts off rather weakly, but by the end, there is a real richness to everything that's very satisfying.

Joshua
Competent enough creepy buildup, but hurtles over the top once the kid is confirmed to be Pure Evil, and everyone starts getting hysterical. This shatters the credibility of the promising premise, and flushes everything right that's gone before down the toilet.

真相 (Truth Be Told)
The filmmakers poured their life savings into making this movie, a purported mystery set in a poor neighborhood. They also posted promo emails to mailing groups, saying "This might not be the best movie ever made, but it is definitely a Singaporean movie with heart. Passion, hardwork and persistence drive this movie. If we can help bring hope to low-income residents, you can help bring hope to Singapore Independent Filmmaking. Let's pack the halls this weekend and show the nation that we care about the aging population and we care about Singapore's independent filmmaking."

Unfortunately, what they forgot to do was make sure they had a good script to begin with. Passion, hard work and persistence may drive this movie, but they sure as hell can't save it from becoming a well-intentioned drag packed with old clichés from bad TV dramas, clunky dialogue and awful camerawork. It's really too bad that Singapore Independent Filmmaking stands for shoddy work in all departments, fueled by delusions of grandeur. And it's also rather sad that this is all they have to show for their life savings.

Дневной дозор (Day Watch)
It's loud, noisy and flashy... but strangely compelling, and ties up the previous movie nicely. Perhaps a little too nicely though, for it's hard to imagine where they can go for the third. Overall, it's a passable way to spend your time.

Shoot 'Em Up
Don't believe the synopsis, ain't nothin' gritty about this live-action cartoon. Each outlandish action sequence seeks to top the one before, and it's all gleefully tongue-in-cheek and loads of ridiculous fun. For the record, I liked it better than Crank. You'll never look at a carrot the same way again.

The Dead Girl
Absolutely stunning. The individual segments build upon and enrich one another, leading up to the inevitably tragic and hauntingly sad finale. I know it sounds like The Sun Also Rises in that sense, but this does it loads better right off the bat. Fantastic performances all round, with not one false note. Undoubtedly, one of the best films of the year.

그놈 목소리 (Voice of a Murderer)
It's hard to feel sympathy for a fat, whiny kid, even if horrible things do happen to him. Or maybe that's just me. Anyway, the lead actor turns in a strong performance, convincing in his deterioration from arrogance to despair, but the supporting cast is considerably weaker. The film is also given to the strange Korean sense of humor that doesn't really work for other audiences, as well as poor pacing in the middle segment (a common problem for Korean movies in general) and repetitiveness of setups. It ends strongly with the unexpected addition of a real-life element, but by then, it's a little too late.

Jindabyne
A lengthy bore that goes nowhere at a glacial pace. It's a real shame too, since I always love Laura Linney, and the director's previous film Lantana was very good. I wish I'd fallen asleep, but unfortunately I was well-rested that day and so didn't miss a single minute. Too bad for me.

Итальянец (The Italian)
Strong lead performance by an amazingly cute little kid, but there's a niggling feeling that the supposedly horrible conditions in the orphanage aren't quite horrible enough. There's also an overall lack of urgency, as well as a strong sense that the kid is never in any actual peril throughout the film, which makes it lose some credibility. The supporting performances are also mostly weak, but on the whole, it's engaging enough.

Yet Another Reason to Be Ashamed of Singapore

2007-11-28T10:05:00.000+08:00

This makes kittens cry and puppies drown themselves. It's by far the most horrifying thing I've seen all year.

You have been warned.

Addendum: Thanks to Angeline (and Mr. Brown), who pointed out that the chorus was plagiarized from this. Which isn't even that good in the first place.

How deeply ironic! Lovely.

Sighting

2007-11-08T22:55:00.000+08:00

So I was downstairs having a beer and a cigarette and generally minding my own business, when all of a sudden I notice some movement out of the corner of my eye.

And a rat sneakily (well, it was attempting to be sneaky) crawled across the floor and out into the backyard. It wasn't huge, as rats go, but still.

For a split second, I had a mental image of it cooking me up a simple, homely Italian dish which would bring back warm memories of childhood. Then I realized that this was real life and not a Pixar animation, and it would more likely give me the Black Plague than cook me ratatouille, and went, "Fuck."

I need to get me some rat traps, pronto.

September's Screenings

2007-11-05T02:47:00.000+08:00

Sigh. Seeing as it's now November, I'd better get my September movies out of the way before attempting to blog about anything else.

Jesus Camp
I really want to like this documentary, especially since Evangelical and fundamentalist Christians rank way up there on my hate list. The message is timely, with the rising power of the religious right even in Singapore, but the delivery could've been so much better. The Deluded Ones do a great job of discrediting themselves just by stating their opinions, and so the role of the radio deejay warning us of their dangers becomes redundant. In fact, in the second half of the movie, he becomes positively strident, lending little credibility to the film's argument. Basically we got all the points the filmmakers wanted to make about 30 minutes in, and the rest is just repetition. So, sadly, I agree totally with the opinions of the filmmakers, but I don't think it's a good documentary at all.

Ghosts (鬼佬)
Stunning docudrama that follows the lives of a bunch of Chinese illegal immigrants in the UK, before all save one of them perish in a tragic accident. Their eventual fate is no secret, and it hangs over the entire movie, infusing even seemingly light-hearted scenes with sorrow. Excellent performances all round from the non-professional cast, and every character is drawn clearly and given rounded personalities, making you feel for every single person, even the initially unappealing ones.

The Home Song Stories (意)
No real surprises in this film, except the nice revelation that Qi Yuwu can actually act, and he actually acts better in Cantonese than in Mandarin. Joan Chen plays a role that can easily slip into annoying neediness and screaming fits, and it's to her credit that she lifts the character above all these stock conventions. It all ends on an unexpectedly poignant note that probably makes me like it more than I should.

No Reservations
Commercial, calculated fluff. 'Nuff said. Although I think I liked it better than the German original - gasp! Sacrilege!

Sicko
I already knew how screwed up the US health system was, but to hear all these horror stories from the victims' mouths was really a rather intense experience. It also made me think about Singapore's health system and realize that I'd much rather pay higher taxes if I have the assurance that at least I will never go bankrupt from paying medical fees. Which means I should probably migrate to the UK or France. Yes, I realize also that Moore is probably omitting some facts that I should know about, but still, it does sound tempting, doesn't it?

Waitress
Quirky comedy that feels part sitcom, part fable - with a whole lot of heart. A thoroughly enjoyable time at the movies, and it's a real tragedy that we'll never see anything else from writer/director/actress Adrienne Shelly, who was the victim of a colossally stupid, pointless murder.

The Invasion
It would be nice to someday see director Oliver Hirschbiegel's original vision for this film, before it was taken and shat upon by the Wachowski Brothers and James McTeigue. Possibly it would have been more psychological, more intense, more chilling. Instead what we are left with is explosions and pointless, unexciting action sequences. Although I must admit, I do like the interesting use of flash-forwards in the editing.

Azur et Asmar (Azur and Asmar)
Decently-told fable, with a weird-looking animation style that suits the story but is not entirely appealing to my tastes. I felt like a kid again in the theatre, reading a story from a large-print picture-book. Which was nice.

Ratatouille
I can't say anything more about this here movie than has already been said. Suffice to say that Pixar has done it once again - no surprise there. I'd also like to mention that I saw this with my Mom. Aww!

Robert Rodriguez's Planet Terror
We finally get the second part of Grindhouse. This is the absolute perfect zombie splatter flick. Firmly tongue-in-cheek, bloody as hell, vulgar as hell, and funny as hell. A fucking awesome time at the movies. Except that the distributors scammed us out of the fake trailers that were supposed to run before the movie. I was pissed, but the sheer ridiculousness and fun of the whole situation managed to appease me quickly. I was giggling like a schoolgirl - which is a good thing.

The Nanny Diaries
This is, again, a chick flick that's pure fluff. Even Scarlett Johanssan isn't quite as hot as she usually is. The saving grace is Laura Linney, who transcends the stock character she plays (as she is wont to do) to give us a touching portrait of someone who may be a rich bitch, but who's painfully human as well.

Savage Grace
Julianne Moore meanders pointlessly through this utterly pointless, toothless and drama-less melodrama. Episodic incidents, which I hate, are seemingly arbitrarily thrown together. Scenes pop up with dates that mean nothing. The promise of debauched sex is left unfulfilled. The only scene that got me squirming a little was the much-mentioned incest scene, but all it made me feel was great relief that I'd refused to watch it with my Mom.

Sore Points

2007-10-21T17:52:00.000+08:00

If y'all pop over to this here page, you'll see the nominees for the 35th International Emmy Awards. Take a look under "Children & Young People" and you might find something surprising.

Nevermind. Here it is:

35th INTERNATIONAL EMMY® AWARDS NOMINEES

CHILDREN & YOUNG PEOPLE

The Arena
Mediacorp TV Singapore Pte. Ltd.
Singapore

The Magic Tree
TVP SA
Poland

Mortified
Australian Children’s Television Foundation / Enjoy Entertainment
Australia

Nutty Boy
TVE Brasil / Ministry of Education / Petrobras / Ministry of Culture
Brazil

Being a co-creator of this show (guess which one - I can't be that obvious), you might think that everyone would be more congratulatory. Unfortunately, the truth is far from it. No one even knows we had anything to do with it.

The creators were not from the department that usually produces shows of this genre. Hence it was given to two executive producers in that department to produce. They were not the ones who came up with the concept, the gameplay format, the rules, and so on. They were not the ones who presented the idea tirelessly, time after time, to people that didn't really believe in it. They were the executors of that project; nothing more, nothing less.

Yet when the show finally went to air, the creators were surprised that their names were not in the credits at all. They found out that their previous boss has said that he didn't need his name on it. But how could he speak for them? they argued. We need some recognition, you know.

And they finally relented and put the three creators a "Concept By" credit that rolled by so fast you could hardly see it. But the executive producers had the gall to place their names on top of the three creators under that credit, when all they came up with was a tacked-on segment that added nothing to the show as a whole.

The creators have received nothing so far for their contributions. No bonus, no profit-sharing, no accolades, no praise, no commendations, no pat on the back, nothing. And definitely no flying to NYC to attend the ceremony. The glory has been taken from right under their noses. Yet they're not surprised. This is how it goes over here.

But we'll see who has the last laugh.

Caution: Lust!

2007-10-06T02:39:00.000+08:00

There will be no review or write-up of Ang Lee's 色‧戒 (Lust, Caution) on this website, at least not for the next few months. Why? Well, there's been a real brouhaha in the press lately over the film. More specifically, the version that Singapore audiences are getting, which opened here on Thursday.

See, Lee edited a toned-down version, removing much of the explicit sexuality, for the Mainland Chinese market, which does not have a ratings system. Hence this version is meant for general consumption - meaning your 5 year-old nephew could watch it if he was in China. This is the version that the film's distributors in Singapore, Buena Vista International, have decided to bring in, and it is rated NC-16 here, meaning no one below the age of 16 can be admitted. The original, uncut version would probably have earned a R21 rating (only adults above 21 admitted).

(Yes, we have a stupid, stupid ratings system and authorities that believe that an 18 year-old can use a rifle to kill an enemy during war but isn't mature enough to watch two people fucking.)

While the R21 rating doesn't carry with it the stigma of a Kiss of Death (unlike the NC-17 rating in the U.S.), it does mean many more restrictions in terms of advertising and screening locations. Hence it usually means that box office takings tend to be lower the higher movies are rated.

The reason for BVI's decision is fucking clear: Pure Profit. They're hoping to attract the teenage crowd to see this film. Wait, you may say, this is an arthouse film, with serious, heavy themes pertaining to the human spirit, freedom, love and life itself. Why would teenagers want to watch such a movie? Wouldn't they rather see, oh, Rush Hour 3?

Oh, but this Ang Lee film is different, you see. Because the third wheel in the main cast is Wang Leehom, who just so happens to be a teen pop idol over here in Asia.

Yes. Poor, deluded BVI hopes that teenagers will flock to the movie to see fucking Wang Leehom (not that I don't like the guy; some of his music is pretty good). I can't decide whether to feel sad for their stupidity or feel offended at this massive insult to the rest of the audience. So, what, they think we don't have a brain? They think we're not going to care which version we watch?

The sad thing for most people is, Singapore video stores aren't allowed to carry R21 titles. Maybe if children accidentally watch these, they'll turn into rapists and murderers. Who knows? Anyway, if the typical Singaporean doesn't watch the full version in theatres, there's no way they can get the DVD in local video stores.

Which leaves us with several options:

1. Download it online from some file-sharing site.
2. Buy the pirated DVD in Johor Bahru. All you need is your passport and a couple of bucks.
3. Buy the DVD online when it's released.
4. Get your friends abroad who live in more civilized countries to buy the DVD for you when it's released.

Whatever it is, everyone should boycott the NC-16 version in Singapore theatres. Let the distributors get a big slap in their face and make even less money than they would've if they'd shown the uncut version. That'll teach them to be so fucking greedy. It's a sad state of affairs when I'd rather give my money to a fucking pirate than to them.

I've been looking at forums online where kids in the U.S. are bitching about the show being rated NC-17 over there. Seriously, shut the fuck up. If you're below 17, just buy the DVD at any fucking store or from Amazon. Or, if you're refused, come back a year or two later. No big deal. Look at what kind of idiocy people in other parts of the world are getting before you whine like the little bitch you are.

My Masochistic Day

2007-10-01T03:42:00.000+08:00

On September 6, I did something no sane person should ever attempt to do. I don't even know why I did it; perhaps I was feeling guilty about something and subconsciously needed to punish myself. And I dearly hope I never do such a thing again in my life.

I saw Rush Hour 3 and Evan Almighty on the same day.

It was painful, seriously painful. And now I'm reliving the pain again as I list these comparisons between the two, to see which one is the better awful movie.

Number of has-beens in movie:
Rush Hour 3 (RH3) - 2 (Jackie Chan and Chris Tucker)
Evan Almighty (EA) - None
Winner: EA

Number of laughs:
RH3 - less than 5, and all during the outtakes at the end
EA - None
Winner: RH3

Offensive moments:
RH3 - Countless, especially of racial and cultural stereotypes
EA - An extended montage of Steve Carell falling over
Winner: EA

The Black Dude:
RH3 - Chris Tucker
EA - Morgan Freeman
Winner: EA

The Asian Dude:
RH3 - Jackie Chan
EA - None
Winner: RH3

Numerical position in their respective series (and hence degree of whoredom):
RH3 - 3
EA - 2
Winner: EA

Important Messages that are what the movie is ostensibly about (but really, why bother?):
RH3 - Nothing
EA - Like, save the environment, mmkay?
Winner: RH3

What the movie is really about:
RH3 - America rocks! And Brett Ratner spits in your face!
EA - Steve Carell loves a big fat paycheck like anyone else!
Winner: EA

Number of annoying animals:
RH3 - Chris Tucker (1)
EA - Countless, and they come in pairs
Winner: RH3

Budget:
RH3 - Relatively low
EA - Astronomically high
Winner: RH3 (hence it has a higher laugh-per-dollar rate)

And the final tally is...

Rush Hour 3 with 5, and Evan Almighty with 5 as well.

Yup, just as I thought. They're equally bad.

On second thought, Evan's posters show a little bit more wit than Rush's, which are just plain lazy. So yeah, Evan wins, I suppose. Just barely.

Oh, and if it's reviews you be wanting, Tim has some good ones here and here.

Rushing Thru August

2007-09-30T00:56:00.000+08:00

Movies seen in August, in 3 sentences or less.

Ang Pagdadalaga ni Maximo Oliveros
(The Blossoming of Maximo Oliveros)
Coming-of-age tale of an effeminate kid and his crush on a hunky policeman that's one part heartfelt, one part grunge and two parts trite. The resulting mixture is, unfortunately, rather blah, despite a more than decent performance by the kid in the title role.

La Môme (The Passionate Life of Edith Piaf a.k.a. La Vie en Rose)
Confusing timeline-jumping that serves not too much purpose aside, there's a fine, fierce performance by Marian Cotillard that kind of makes up for everything else. Oh yes, the music's pretty good too.

導火線 (Flashpoint)
Donnie Yen porn, but the money shots are only in the final half hour. The initial 60 minutes are a real fucking drag. If you're watching it on DVD, just skip till the climactic battle; you're not missing anything.

不能說的‧秘密 (Secret)
Teenybopper idol Jay Chou puts in a surprisingly decent directorial debut - but that only just barely makes this watchable. Cringe-inducing lovey-dovey scenes aside, there are some slightly clever plot twists, but it's let down by gaping logic loopholes and poor CGI in the finale.

Knocked Up
Hilarious, yet tender. A wonderful ensemble cast and a smart script provide the backbone for this lovely comedy. Judd Apatow is a freakin' genius.

881
A funny, chaotic, and ultimately surprisingly moving film is let down by poor extras and several sequences that show its lack of budget and time. The climactic showdown is particularly shoddily shot, considering what has gone on before, and a beautiful, emotional moment is spoilt by not having enough money for decent CGI.

The Bourne Ultimatum
The shaky, nausea-inducing handheld camerawork is fucking brilliant, as is the unbelievably tight and smart scripting. Paul Greengrass has done it again, making the Bourne series one of the few action series that gets better and better.

بيد مجنون (The Willow Tree, a.k.a. The Weeping Willow)
A decent parable that tends to hit us over the head a little too often with its Themes, which drops it down to slightly above mediocre for me. Also, a bit too religious for my liking, but that's just the atheist in me talking. Wonderfully moving moments are in there though, especially when the protagonist regains his eyesight and sees his family for the first time in his life.

The Piano Tuner of Earthquakes
Lovely visuals, but completely empty in the script department. A very pretty and macabre-looking snoozefest.

Hairspray
Lots of fun, catchy tunes and an Important Message to boot - what's not to like about this screen-to-stage-and-back-to-screen adaptation? A great time at the movies, period - and check out the cool Japanese poster.

Fido
Wonderful production design aside, it had the opportunity to be really wickedly funny. Unfortunately it chose the bland way out and ended up being more bark than bite. Horror-comedies really aren't what they used to be.

天堂口 (Blood Brothers)
A bloodless remake of the John Woo classic Bullet in the Head, reset in 1930s Shanghai. The many ludicrous scenes (a man who hasn't fired a gun in his life before shoots 6 people in quick succession, never missing) and atrocious dialogue (after a bloody firefight in which he kills like 50 people, the same man screams at another "Don't kill anymore people!") made this a comedy for me, albeit a comedy that's filled with tedious chunks of dialogue and exposition.

Catchup

2007-09-29T22:22:00.000+08:00

So I look over at my blog and I realize I haven't posted anything in close to a month. Lots has been going on, though, so I thought I'd best get through writing about movies, especially those I saw way back in July, then I can get on with putting pictures and shit up on everything else.

So yeah, these were going to be two separate, themed posts ("Animation" and "Local Movies"), but in the interests of playing catchup, I'm just slapping them together.

Surf's Up
I know what you're gonna say: "Not another fucking animated movie about fucking penguins". But at least this has a semi-clever attempt at playing with the genre, in making it a mockumentary, with all the bad shots and random background action that that entails. Also, it is rather entertaining, and a nice enough distraction. Definitely a rental though. Right. Moving on.

パプリカ (Paprika)
It's not clever. It's fucking mind-blowing, is what it is. The visuals are overwhelmingly insane, especially when the dreaming world gets mixed up with the real world, and reality begins to get really fucking warped. Plot-wise, it's really rather straightforward, once you get past the mindfuckery of the images. It's a real blast. Buy it.

The Simpsons Movie
The laughs come hard and fast in the first act, then it kind of goes into typical Simpsons territory, which is still far better than most. I might not love it as most people over here seem to do, but I still like it quite a bit. I guess I'll buy it eventually.

阿嬤 (Ah Ma) (Grandma)
This was the first Singapore film to be in the official competition of the Cannes Film Festival, where it won a Short Film Special Distinction this year. It's basically a portrait (well, since it's a short it's more like a sketch) of the family members who gather at the deathbed of an old lady in a hospital or hospice. Yes, it's tender and heartfelt without going into mush territory. But I can't help but look at it and hate what my life as a filmmaker has become, especially since the director just won a fully paid scholarship from the MDA to get a Master's degree in the UK, bypassing the traditional Bachelor's degree (which I am in bondage for). My bitterness at my slavemasters shouldn't deter you from trying to see this though.

Invisible City
Not as audience-friendly as Singapore Gaga, but it's well-made, with evident love for its subjects. I suppose one could describe it as a documentary about history, but it's more about the documenting of places, events and people than about history per se. That aside, one of the most moving segments is of an old British woman, Marjorie Doggette, who spent all her best years here photographing old buildings that were to be torn down. She has a photo book to show for all her efforts, which is probably out of print. But apart from that, not much else - she's now alone, decrepit and dying. She always thought she'd return to England one day, but time passed and when she suddenly realized how long it'd been, she was too old and weak to make the journey. And "Singapore is not a place to grow old in," she states matter-of-factly, her even tone barely hiding her regret.

Gone Shopping
TV host and extra-large personality Kym Ng reins it all in to remarkably moving effect in this indie flick that interweaves three stories set in and around shopping centers and involving Singapore's favorite pastime - shopping (what else). While not all the stories are strong, the lovingly-crafted frames that transform our weekend stomping grounds and a few very good performances (particularly from Kym and a little Indian girl) anchor the film and lift it above your typical moody indie. I couldn't imagine feeling moved by a scene set in the 24-hour madness that is Mustafa Shopping Center, but it happened.

Congrats Xinhong

2007-09-01T11:48:00.000+08:00

So yeah, I'm glad your proposal worked out fine yesterday (wouldn't it suck if it hadn't?), and I'm happy that you enjoyed the clips. I'm just gonna put them up here for the world to enjoy.

Apologies, most of these are in Mandarin without subtitles. It's just too much work.

Scottish Sheep Torture

2007-08-27T21:35:00.000+08:00

I bet that title got your attention. Unfortunately there won't be any torturing of animals here, Scottish or not. I will, however, be giving my two cents' worth on a torture-thriller, a horror-comedy involving zombie sheep, and a biopic of a Scottish cyclist.

First off, I'm grateful that Vacancy never quite slips into torture porn, although the setup seems perfect for one. Instead, it's a tight and perfectly serviceable little thriller that delivers the goods in 80 lean minutes. For such a flick to work is a rarity in Hollywood, because most scripts of this genre are fed to hack directors who mistake gore for scares and annoying musical cues for tension. Nimród Antal does a good job maintaining the tension throughout by putting actual thought (gasp!) in his cinematography and editing, and the casting of Luke Wilson and Kate Beckinsale tells you right off the bat this might be better than your typical stupid gorefest. Frank Whaley though, is perfect in his demented motel owner role, and almost steals the entire movie based on his memorable introduction scene alone. Keep an eye out for the gorgeous opening titles.

Black Sheep, however, is a tale of missed opportunities. The premise is clever and hilarious enough, but unfortunately the execution falls far short of its potential. The gags never quite plumb the depths of zombie sheep comedy, and the writing's far from sharp, never really mining the possibilities of satire. The movie's populated with stock characters which aren't particularly memorable, and aren't really given much to do besides run around panicking. I thought it was going to be a lot more fun, so I was rather disappointed in its sheer mediocrity and blahness. For a terrific example of the awesomeness that a B-movie is capable of, you should just rent Slither at your neighborhood video store.

Speaking of mediocrity, The Flying Scotsman also has it in spades. It's supposed to depict the highs and lows in the competitive life of Graeme Obree, a Scottish competitive cyclist who broke the world hour record twice, all the while battling with manic depression. While Jonny Lee Miller is decent enough in the role, the movie doesn't really have many dramatic highs and lows at all, and ultimately everything kind of blends together in a rather boring and unchallenging movie. It tells you nothing new about depression, and in fact it rarely even surfaces in the movie, and the way its dealt with is rather perfunctory, even. To be honest, I wouldn't have seen this movie if not for the fact that a local short film was screening with it. Ultimately, it's utterly forgettable, and that's one of the worst verdicts a movie can get.

Thrills and Chills

2007-08-27T02:43:00.000+08:00

The Hong Kong film industry right now appears to churn out movies of only three or so genres: Cutesy vomit-inducing romantic comedies, police/gangster thrillers by Johnnie To wannabes, and action flicks with lots of ass-kicking. Or at least, you'd think it by the selections that Singapore distributors bring in. Because I tend to avoid the first category, and so didn't see the latest Eason Chan vehicle, this post will be about the latter two instead.

跟蹤 (Eye in the Sky) is written and directed by frequent Johnnie To collaborator Yau Nai Hoi, and he makes an assured directorial debut in this slick procedural thriller. Working with a seasoned To-ensemble, he can't really go wrong, except when he expects a little too much from the newbie playing the lead role. The Surveillance Unit of the Hong Kong Police Force is the focus here, and the obsessive details of how they go about doing their job isn't boring at all, it's bloody captivating, and that's a big credit towards Yau's skills as a storyteller. Yes, we feel the dreariness of the wait, but we also feel the intensity as they locate their target and the thrill of the hunt. Great handheld cinematography, careful choreography and skillful editing make everything flow together seamlessly, and the tension holds up for the majority of the film.

I appreciate how Yau doesn't treat the audience as fucking morons; he doesn't spell out everything in capital letters, but instead trusts them to infer conclusions based on what's presented. We see everyone using their Octopus cards (the Hong Kong public transport stored value card) to pay their busfares, then crime lord Tony Leung steps up and pays with coins, and we get it right away - he doesn't want to be traced, for you can't track journeys paid in cash, a conclusion which is validated by a later sequence where one of his henchmen is tracked down via his Octopus card transactions.

The movie's so good for most of it, you can even forgive the contrivances that occur near the end of the film, including a poorly-played emotional moment for the lead actress. There's also a seemingly tacked-on happy ending which goes against all medical logic that I had trouble with, but I suppose with what's gone before it, I can't really complain all that much.

男兒本色 (Invisible Target), on the other hand, is pretty much empty when it comes to the brains department, thanks to incompetent director Benny Chan. Thankfully, there are plenty of cool fight scenes liberally scattered throughout the movie, but in between them there are way too many plot/character scenes which are horribly executed in every department. Seriously, when you have lots of ass-kicking, you shouldn't even bother with plot; it's irrelevant. We don't give a shit about these characters being real human beings; from their fighting we know they're superhuman, and we just really wanna see them slug it out, that's all. We don't want to see Nicholas Tse emoting, or Jackie Chan Junior trying to cry for the umpteenth time (God, is he fucking annoying or what) - it's just painful. Neither do we want to see bad guys humanized. Give us more of Chinese martial artist Wu Jing kicking ass (he's always great in action) and more of stars like Tse giving their all in the action sequences.

There's a beautiful sequence where Tse is pursuing Wu who's chasing some punk across rooftops, and they make a leap for an adjoining rooftop one by one. The punk lands and twists his leg or something. Wu lands gracefully and glances back to see Tse jumping right at him, so he immediately launches backwards into a flying kick and fucking kicks Tse away before he reaches the roof, sending him into a tree, then crashing down on a container truck before painfully hitting the ground. And that's former pretty-boy star Tse doing his own stunts, falling off the roof and hitting the ground. It's a spectacular sequence, and you have to give props to Tse for his effort, but damn the melodramatic crap in between to all hell. So this is half a great action movie, and half a spine-chillingly horrendous melodrama, and eventually they just cancel each other out to make this a pretty "meh" experience.

The New 旻

2007-08-24T16:11:00.000+08:00

Finally, after months of planning and non-action, I had my second tattoo done yesterday. The main reason for it was just so I had something a little more visible than my Ouroboros symbol on my back, so I decided to go for something safe. And hey, what can be safer than my own name, right?

By the way, this was one of the more surreal experiences I'd ever had, as I was getting a tattoo in a tattoo parlor in Chinatown, with graphic illustrations of Japanese demons staring down at me balefully, and with Johnny Cash playing on the CD player in the joint. I will forever associate Sam Hall (with the refrain "Damn your eyes!") and Danny Boy with tattoos.

Thanks to the tattoo artist Colin for completely redesigning the symbol when my original version didn't work well - I was going to use the one on my business card, but it was too skinny and looked odd on my arm.

So there you have it: 旻 (Min).

Come Home When It Gets Cold

2007-08-22T11:32:00.000+08:00

天冷就回來 (If There're Seasons...), which literally means Come Home When It Gets Cold, is a Chinese musical set to the songs of 梁文福 (Liang Wern Fook) and written by acclaimed Hong Kong playwright 杜國威 (Raymond To). If you grew up listening to Chinese music, Liang's name will be a familiar one, seeing as how he was instrumental in the 新謠 (xinyao - local music, for lack of a better descriptive term) wave of the 80s and went on to pen many more hits for popular Chinese music artistes like Kit Chan and Jacky Cheung.

To took Liang's entire catalog of over 200 songs and pored over them, finally making his selection and weaving them into the plot of his play. Granted, the narrative itself is nothing to shout home about, with its overdone themes of lost love, unrequited love, searching for dreams and so on. In fact, sometimes it seemed overly insistent on nationalistic themes - why go abroad to chase your dreams when you can do it at home? - when we all know the reality isn't nearly as simple as that. In fact, I found that viewpoint mildly offensive, even. But the sheer quality of the music and lyrics overcomes all these shortcomings to make for a wonderful experience overall.

Even the hiccups were forgivable. At the matinee show I watched, neither female lead had warmed up their vocals sufficiently and ended up killing their first few numbers. It also didn't help that they were saddled with the more difficult tunes, originally sung by the incomparable Kit Chan, and they were simply not in the same league - 你酷 (You Are So Cool) was noticeably mangled in the constant switching to falsetto, a feat which Kit pulled off seemingly effortlessly. Sebastian Tan had a nice quality to his voice, but it unfortunately gave way while belting out 最後還是會 (In the End), and the poor guy croaked his way through the rest of the song. I had nothing but sympathy for him; I already feel embarrassed when I croak in karaoke - imagine what he must've felt in front of the entire sold-out Drama Centre. Of all the leads, only George Chan managed to escape unscathed from vocal issues, and sounded like the only person who had proper musical training (although Sebastian has also appeared professionally in musicals). But you know what, Liang's tunes helped me through all these.

The nostalgia factor probably helped in this. These were songs I'd grown up with, and even if I wasn't familiar with all the tunes, I'd heard all of them before, all 40 of them. As such, the emotions invoked went beyond the play into personal memories, which went a long way towards increasing my tolerance levels and feelings of goodwill. They were woven into the narrative smoothly and unobtrusively, for the most part, and it was surprising to find that sometimes, in the context of the plot, they even gained another level of meaning and emotional heft (細水長流, or Friends Forever, being a prime example). In fact, even though I was rather annoyed with most of the main characters for being wishy-washy for almost the entire duration of the play, I still teared multiple times. I think credit has to go to Liang and the music arranger Bang Wenfu (who rearranged all the songs wonderfully) for this phenomenon.

One point which I think has to be made is the fact that the songs were written over a period of 20-odd years, and solid crafting and artistry shows. Most musicals tend to have their music and lyrics churned out within a year or so, and as a result there tends to be lots of "filler" songs of inferior quality - I'd be glad if there was one particularly good song in an entire musical. Not so with this one; the quality is consistently high, and Liang's smooth melodies and deceptively simple, multi-layered lyrics have never sounded better, awkward deliveries aside.

So, in a nutshell, I don't much care for the narrative or characters, but it's got awesome music that adds so much to everything. You come out humming your favorite tunes that you loved all those years ago, with a warm fuzzy feeling inside the dark pit you call your soul. That's the main reason I like it so much, and that's also why I'm watching it for the second time next week. You should too.