The Worst of 2007

Man, there were a lot of bad movies I saw last year, mostly because of the Golden Village VIP card. There are a ton more that simply wouldn't fit on my lists. So, in fact, most of these movies I hate with a vengeance, which is a first.


The Crap

天堂口 (Blood Brothers) - Ludicrous plotting, atrocious dialogue, tedious exposition and sheer bad acting from Daniel Wu make this a (not so) bloody mess.
The Heartbreak Kid - Hatefully misogynistic and completely unfunny. Ben Stiller needs to stop making movies, period.
Lions for Lambs - An op-ed piece made into an annoying movie that lectures at you for ninety minutes.
快樂工廠 (Pleasure Factory) - Everything that can possibly be wrong about a movie, is wrong here. Absolutely painful and in no way pleasurable.
Rush Hour 3 - Somebody shoot Brett Ratner already. And Jackie Chan should just retire gracefully... oops, too late.
刺青 (Spider Lilies) - Wannabe-pretentious, but ultimately shallow and inert rubbish.
頤和園 (Summer Palace) - Lots of nudity, fucking, and artistic pretension does not make a movie. I'd rather watch porn; at least I can be spared the pseudo-art bullshit.
真相 (Truth Be Told) - A mediocre at best Channel 8 script given a terrible DV treatment.
Un Embrujo (Under a Spell) - Goes a lot of places, but never actually gets anywhere, because the audience is simply falling asleep.
ヴァイブレータ (Vibrator) - I repeat, lots of fucking does not a good movie make. Utterly pointless.


The Disappointments

Bee Movie - Great trailer (the one with the Spielberg cameo), but nothing really works in the movie.
兄弟 (Brothers) - The reunion of (most of) Hong Kong's 5 Tigers of the 1980's fizzles with a by the numbers script and wannabe-pretentious direction.
ドラえもん のび太の恐竜 2006 (Doraemon: Nobita's Dinosaur) - Childhood love re-examined through adult eyes and found deeply wanting.
Elizabeth: The Golden Age - Cate Blanchett's Queen Elizabeth defeats the Spanish Armada, but she's no match for the overblown, ridiculous script and direction.
Evan Almighty - I know the trailers were atrocious. But somewhere deep down inside, I was still hoping against hope that Steve Carell might be able to magically rescue it. Nope.
Frank Miller's 300 - I liked the comic. Hated the movie. It's a 20-minute short expanded to feature length and padded up by excessive slow-motion carnage, which induces yawns after the third decapitation or so.
The Invasion - It was probably fucked up by the studio, because it seems like it's two movies that don't gel well together at all.
鬼啊! 鬼啊! (Men in White) - Horrifically unfunny comedy. What happened to you, Kelvin Tong?
Savage Grace - I don't know what Julianne Moore is doing in this boring, pretentious crap. Pointless, toothless and drama-less.
Transformers - Thank you, Michael Bay, for raping my fond childhood memory and pissing all over it afterwards.


The Overrated

The 11th Hour - Too... many... talking... heads... Zzzz...
Black Snake Moan - Wastes a good premise by being ridiculously moralistic and misogynistic.
Blood Diamond - Well-meaning liberal bullshit, but incredibly arrogant and annoying.
Jesus Camp - Would be so much better if the argument wasn't so one-sided and obvious. Yes, radio deejay guy, I'm looking at you. You ruined the movie.
The King - Predictable, boring, and a waste of Gael García Bernal.
門徒 (Protégé) - Wants to be dark and edgy, as well as an Important Film. But it's nowhere close.
The Pursuit of Happyness - Way too slick to be believable or to resonate, even if it is a true story.
Rendition - Disappointingly rote.
Masz na imie Justine (Your Name Is Justine) - We've seen it all before, and done far better.
投名狀 (The Warlords) - Peter Chan reaches for the stars... and fails.