You Fucking Bitch
Like I said, I met up with a senior last night and we got to talking for a really long time. 5 hours, to be exact. Well, not exact, it's kind of a ballpark figure, but you know what I mean. And it got me thinking:
Am I ever going to get to do anything in this company? I mean, obviously I'm doing shit now, but not really doing anything. By that I mean anything I can look back on and be justifiably proud of down the road. Who the fuck cares about a TV show? Unless you're creating a legend like The Simpsons or something, and those are few and far between. And more urgently, how long does the shitty assistant director thing last before I get any real control?
I heard from someone it usually takes two years to move up to director. Two fucking years. How unbelievable is that? And I go on set and I think I can do better in most of the situations that I see.
I need to be able to create something to feel productive. What's the point in working 14 hours a day when you're only running around doing something anyone else can do? I can write, edit, sound design, and direct. Yet I'm not doing any of those. And without practice, you become rusty. I wanna work on my own stuff, or at least some other projects where my opinions matter in the whole creative cycle. Telling extras how to perform their role is not a creative enterprise, whatever they might want me to believe. (Well, they never explicitly said it...) But then the hours kind of make it insane to even contemplate doing anything extra.
I ask: What is the point for a company to throw all that money (and everyone knows going to NU is not cheap) into a "scholar" (I detest that fucking word) and then to not use them well? Throwing them into low-paying, brainless jobs you can give to any shmuck around doesn't make sense, yet they're constantly doing it, if reports are to be believed. Why? It just seems so... pointless.
Yes, I am in a line that I love. But so what, when I'm not doing anything I feel for?
Even if it's rewriting scripts, I'll take it. You should see some of the trash that gets approved.
Pictures on the Wall is still something I feel insanely proud of. Yet I know it's not perfect. There were many compromises we had to make, perhaps too many. But goddammit, I put over half a year of my life into it, and it is my fucking baby.
Maybe that might explain the inexplicably paternal mood I find myself in in recent months.
Which is why I hate the woman from Chinese Drama with all my heart and soul. Fucking condescending bitch. Simply by your comments you have painted yourself as an ignorant philistine unaware of any craft, any art. You are as common as the fucking stray dogs that line the streets in Bangkok (Thanks, #2, for that image) and you do not deserve to be in the same room as me. (By the way, this happened quite a few weeks back, so I'm already mostly over it... believe me, you don't want to be there during that time.)
1. You are not communicating anything, I didn't know what you were trying to say. You were trying to not use dialogue, but your images were not communicating.
Reply: Then you are a fucking moron. It's so amazingly simple I don't think there's any way of making it simpler. You fucking blind retard.
2. Your editing is very "loose" (I use this word as a direct translation from chinese)
Reply: FYI, I spent half a year editing the damn thing. How dare you. Martha has the finest eyes around, and I bet she could put yours out with a rusty nail any day.
Finally, you make TV soaps for intellectual retards. I make my movies for human beings.
On a better note, I'm showing the movie at the home of an NU/TJC friend tomorrow to some other NU kids. Apparently he has a projector. Woohoo. Jingli will be going as well. What a coincidence: he's played a child dying of cancer before too.
Also finished logging a ridiculous number of tapes in a ridiculously short period of time today. I think my bosses were surprised. So pleasantly surprised one of them called and asked if I could log the tapes that were shot today by lunch tomorrow. Damn, sometimes it doesn't help to be too good at something. Oh well, at least Avid is my bitch. Even though MediaLog (apparently also by Avid) is kind of annoying. Imagine not being able to play backwards. Ugh.
Eh. Whatever. Tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow. Bleagh. I stop making sense.
Am I ever going to get to do anything in this company? I mean, obviously I'm doing shit now, but not really doing anything. By that I mean anything I can look back on and be justifiably proud of down the road. Who the fuck cares about a TV show? Unless you're creating a legend like The Simpsons or something, and those are few and far between. And more urgently, how long does the shitty assistant director thing last before I get any real control?
I heard from someone it usually takes two years to move up to director. Two fucking years. How unbelievable is that? And I go on set and I think I can do better in most of the situations that I see.
I need to be able to create something to feel productive. What's the point in working 14 hours a day when you're only running around doing something anyone else can do? I can write, edit, sound design, and direct. Yet I'm not doing any of those. And without practice, you become rusty. I wanna work on my own stuff, or at least some other projects where my opinions matter in the whole creative cycle. Telling extras how to perform their role is not a creative enterprise, whatever they might want me to believe. (Well, they never explicitly said it...) But then the hours kind of make it insane to even contemplate doing anything extra.
I ask: What is the point for a company to throw all that money (and everyone knows going to NU is not cheap) into a "scholar" (I detest that fucking word) and then to not use them well? Throwing them into low-paying, brainless jobs you can give to any shmuck around doesn't make sense, yet they're constantly doing it, if reports are to be believed. Why? It just seems so... pointless.
Yes, I am in a line that I love. But so what, when I'm not doing anything I feel for?
Even if it's rewriting scripts, I'll take it. You should see some of the trash that gets approved.
Pictures on the Wall is still something I feel insanely proud of. Yet I know it's not perfect. There were many compromises we had to make, perhaps too many. But goddammit, I put over half a year of my life into it, and it is my fucking baby.
Maybe that might explain the inexplicably paternal mood I find myself in in recent months.
Which is why I hate the woman from Chinese Drama with all my heart and soul. Fucking condescending bitch. Simply by your comments you have painted yourself as an ignorant philistine unaware of any craft, any art. You are as common as the fucking stray dogs that line the streets in Bangkok (Thanks, #2, for that image) and you do not deserve to be in the same room as me. (By the way, this happened quite a few weeks back, so I'm already mostly over it... believe me, you don't want to be there during that time.)
1. You are not communicating anything, I didn't know what you were trying to say. You were trying to not use dialogue, but your images were not communicating.
Reply: Then you are a fucking moron. It's so amazingly simple I don't think there's any way of making it simpler. You fucking blind retard.
2. Your editing is very "loose" (I use this word as a direct translation from chinese)
Reply: FYI, I spent half a year editing the damn thing. How dare you. Martha has the finest eyes around, and I bet she could put yours out with a rusty nail any day.
Finally, you make TV soaps for intellectual retards. I make my movies for human beings.
On a better note, I'm showing the movie at the home of an NU/TJC friend tomorrow to some other NU kids. Apparently he has a projector. Woohoo. Jingli will be going as well. What a coincidence: he's played a child dying of cancer before too.
Also finished logging a ridiculous number of tapes in a ridiculously short period of time today. I think my bosses were surprised. So pleasantly surprised one of them called and asked if I could log the tapes that were shot today by lunch tomorrow. Damn, sometimes it doesn't help to be too good at something. Oh well, at least Avid is my bitch. Even though MediaLog (apparently also by Avid) is kind of annoying. Imagine not being able to play backwards. Ugh.
Eh. Whatever. Tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow. Bleagh. I stop making sense.
posted by cinewhore @ 1:09 AM
2 mindfucks
2 Comments:
I so totally understand...
You could argue with yourself that it's only been a week and it's really too early to tell, which will make perfect sense, except accepting that is not at all easy.
Been there, still there, major improvements thereafter, only because the first stop was so humiliating and degrading.
Some things can be waited out.
Every company/workplace is a swamp, only when u really step into it then u will know how eeky the feeling is...
but oh well, will see how well u can make urself feel better despite the awful and unpleasant environment that u are in lar....
c'mon... no prob 1 lah!
rant on... hehe...
-ww
gimme some mindfuckery
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