Let the Shit Hit the Fan

The Worst Crap of 2005

Avatar - This makes me ashamed to be a Singaporean filmmaker. All that money... just to make this huge ego-trip of sci-fi shit.
桃 色 (Color Blossoms) - Lots of people wander around pointlessly and lust after each other... I think. At least those were the parts I wasn't sleeping. Boring as hell, and completely ridiculous.
長恨歌 (Everlasting Regret) - A stupid woman sleeps with lots of people, never learns her lesson and gets killed by one of them. There, I just saved you the admission price.
Initial D - My nostril hairs have more acting ability than Jay Chou. And who the hell thought it was a good idea to set all the races in one fucking location?
Install - Intensely annoying score and a story that goes nowhere, and takes forever to do it.
阿 嫂 (Mob Sister) - Has the most irritating lead actress ever. I was jubilant when she was finally run over. I was just pissed it wasn't a bigger vehicle.
Star Wars: Episode III - Revenge of the Sith - Does anyone actually give a flying fuck anymore? George Lucas needs to retire. Right now.
(T)Raumschiff Surprise: Periode 1 (Dreamship Surprise: Period 1) - Tries painfully hard to be funny, but never manages to really be.
天邊一朵雲 (The Wayward Cloud) - Who cares if it's a Tsai Ming-Liang movie? It sucks ass. In more ways than one.
Zombie Dogs (a.k.a. Eat, Shit, Fuck and Die) - Masturbatory, overlong (at 61 minutes) and runs on hot air all the way.


Disappointments

The Bow - Kim Ki-Duk's new film just didn't have Truth like Spring, Summer, Fall, Winter... and Spring did. And it was boring as hell.
Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - Wonderful first act, pity everything else except production design seems to fall apart once you enter the damn factory.
黑社會 (Election) - Singapore got the fucking China version with the fucked up moralistic ending that completely throws the rest of the movie out the window. So this is in response to that.
Flightplan - Oh, Jodie, whatever possessed you to sign up for this movie, with its ridiculous, implausible plotting?
Ondskan (Evil) - This is a contender for the Best Foreign Film Oscar? Oh, please. Spare me the clichés, then maybe we can talk.
Prime - Sounded like a good premise, pity about the clumsy execution.
七劍 (Seven Swords) - Tsui Hark's big comeback was a nonsensical whimper.
War of the Worlds - Great until the forced happy ending.
天邊一朵雲 (The Wayward Cloud) - Oh, Tsai Ming-Liang, how far you have fallen.
Vampire Hunter D: Bloodlust - A plodding pace is a no-no for anime.


Overrated

Be With Me - Yeah, yeah, I know, standing ovation at Cannes. But that doesn't make up for the fact that it has a couple of major flaws.
A Bittersweet Life - Bittersweet? Blah is more like it.
Frank Miller's Sin City - Looks amazing, hands down the winner of the Style award, but the pacing kinda blows.
Labu dan Labi - I don't care how much of a classic comedy this is, it isn't funny in the least.
The Maid (女佣) - What's all the fuss? It's just a standard horror flick. One with ludicrous, overly-telegraphed plot twists.
Napola - Elite für den Führer (Napola: Hitler's Elite; a.k.a. Before the Fall) - Another big cliché-filled yawn.
如果‧愛 Perhaps Love - A movie about love in which I somehow feel completely detached from the characters. Fail!
Ray - Besides Jamie Foxx, this is episodic and rather boring.
Der Untertag (Downfall) - Another episodic and slow-moving film, another Best Foreign Film Oscar nominee. Are we seeing a pattern here?
A Very Long Engagement - Very pretty, but also very, very long.

Actually, to be fair, I liked Be With Me. The only thing was, the problems I had with it kind of diminished the overall strength of the film, so all the media acclaim seemed a little excessive to me. As for the rest of the Overrated List, "Meh" would probably sum up my feelings towards them.