Mothers

Yesterday, the Executive Producer, who was also the director of these two episodes said to me, "If my mom passes away tonight, can you do tomorrow's shoot?" His mom was in hospital with cancer. It was terminal, and there wasn't much time left, although no one knew exactly how long.

I said, "Sure." What else could I say?

Of course, then I felt bad. I really do want to direct stuff, but does that mean that I hope his mom will die? I'm really not too keen to have that on my conscience.

Then an old-timer said today morning, "Just look at it this way. These two things are mutually exclusive. You want to direct the scenes because you're eager for an opportunity. It's unfortunate that it might be dependent on the fate of an old lady, but this has nothing to do with you."

"True," I thought. Anyway, nothing had happened yet, and he was still directing the scenes.

He got a call tonight, while we still had about one and a half scenes to go. It was the news. He left and I finished off the night's shoot.


I had a dream one night, over ten years ago. I dreamt my mother died. For some reason, it was incredibly vivid. I woke up trembling, got up and stumbled to my parents' bedroom.

She was still there.

I hugged her tightly, tears in my eyes.

"Mummy, I love you."

Bleary-eyed, not fully knowing what was going on, she held me, not saying a word. She didn't need to.

Addendum: Ah. I feel rather silly now. Turns out the EP's mother didn't pass away last night after all. He got a few phone calls, left early, and we automatically assumed the worst. But the old lady, against all odds, managed to make it through the night, proving once again that assumption is the mother (rather apt, don't you think?) of all fuck-ups.