Robots, Wizards and a Badass Motherfucker

I know it's already August, but permit me to talk about July, because I'm a bad blogger who loves procrastination. More specifically, I'm talking about the blockbuster flicks from July.

Transformers
1. The transforming sequences are pretty awesome.
2. Shia LeBoeuf is an entertaining guy to watch.
3. Megan Fox is a hot girl to watch.
These are the three things that are good about Transformers. Everything else, Michael Bay has pissed on, like the irredeemable scene in which an Autobot takes a leak on some government flunkies. There are some of the worst lines I've ever heard in a movie, including some really lame plays on "more than meets the eye". There are confusing character designs (as in, every fucking robot looks exactly the same), which, coupled with the Michael Bay style of shooting and editing action, means that you don't know what the fuck is going on and who's fighting who at any given time. There is a confusing climax that doesn't really make any sense. There is just so much wrong with this movie, and I haven't even gone into the fanboy gripes yet (Bumblebee?!). I admit that when I heard the "transforming sound effect" for the first time in a trailer, I gave a whoop and punched the air in joy, which makes the suckiness even harder to bear - not that I was expecting very much from Michael Bay anyway.

Live Free or Die Hard
In comparison to the hunk of junk that was Transformers, Live Free or Die Hard (renamed as Die Hard 4.0 in non-US countries, because, y'know, only Americans can read titles more than three words long) comes off much stronger. A great deal of credit has to go to Bruce Willis, who's such an incredible badass, he's incredibly fun to watch. Justin Long is surprisingly entertaining as the new sidekick, and while many of the action sequences are flat-out unbelievably ludicrous, one has to consider if they are any more ludicrous than, well, transforming robots from outer space. Above all, this is a great popcorn flick, full of 'splosions and loads of fun, and it knows it. Yippee ki yay, motherfucker.

Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix
The Harry Potter films are beginning to seem like serialized episodes of a drama series, because they seem to almost demand that you be familiar with the "mythos" of the wizarding universe in order to enjoy them. This is unfortunate, because I'm of the opinion that movies should be able to stand on their own, but perhaps I'm in the minority. Each movie seems to be more or less the same as the rest (I'm not counting the first two, which were absolute rubbish thanks to Chris Columbus), and it seems that they're only distinguishable from each other by their key scenes or characters, such as Imelda Staunton as Dolores Umbridge in this one. Not having read the books beyond the halfway point of Book 3, I'm in no position to comment on the adaptation. I will point out though, that Staunton is wonderful in her Pure Evilness, and probably rescues this installment from being just "The 5th One". Still, it's more than competent, and at least it won't make you feel like someone just raped your childhood (*cough*MichaelBay*cough*).