My Masochistic Day

On September 6, I did something no sane person should ever attempt to do. I don't even know why I did it; perhaps I was feeling guilty about something and subconsciously needed to punish myself. And I dearly hope I never do such a thing again in my life.

I saw Rush Hour 3 and Evan Almighty on the same day.

It was painful, seriously painful. And now I'm reliving the pain again as I list these comparisons between the two, to see which one is the better awful movie.

VS

Number of has-beens in movie:
Rush Hour 3 (RH3) - 2 (Jackie Chan and Chris Tucker)
Evan Almighty (EA) - None
Winner: EA

Number of laughs:
RH3 - less than 5, and all during the outtakes at the end
EA - None
Winner: RH3

Offensive moments:
RH3 - Countless, especially of racial and cultural stereotypes
EA - An extended montage of Steve Carell falling over
Winner: EA

The Black Dude:
RH3 - Chris Tucker
EA - Morgan Freeman
Winner: EA

The Asian Dude:
RH3 - Jackie Chan
EA - None
Winner: RH3

Numerical position in their respective series (and hence degree of whoredom):
RH3 - 3
EA - 2
Winner: EA

Important Messages that are what the movie is ostensibly about (but really, why bother?):
RH3 - Nothing
EA - Like, save the environment, mmkay?
Winner: RH3

What the movie is really about:
RH3 - America rocks! And Brett Ratner spits in your face!
EA - Steve Carell loves a big fat paycheck like anyone else!
Winner: EA

Number of annoying animals:
RH3 - Chris Tucker (1)
EA - Countless, and they come in pairs
Winner: RH3

Budget:
RH3 - Relatively low
EA - Astronomically high
Winner: RH3 (hence it has a higher laugh-per-dollar rate)

And the final tally is...

Rush Hour 3 with 5, and Evan Almighty with 5 as well.

Yup, just as I thought. They're equally bad.

On second thought, Evan's posters show a little bit more wit than Rush's, which are just plain lazy. So yeah, Evan wins, I suppose. Just barely.

Oh, and if it's reviews you be wanting, Tim has some good ones here and here.