Scottish Sheep Torture

I bet that title got your attention. Unfortunately there won't be any torturing of animals here, Scottish or not. I will, however, be giving my two cents' worth on a torture-thriller, a horror-comedy involving zombie sheep, and a biopic of a Scottish cyclist.

First off, I'm grateful that Vacancy never quite slips into torture porn, although the setup seems perfect for one. Instead, it's a tight and perfectly serviceable little thriller that delivers the goods in 80 lean minutes. For such a flick to work is a rarity in Hollywood, because most scripts of this genre are fed to hack directors who mistake gore for scares and annoying musical cues for tension. Nimród Antal does a good job maintaining the tension throughout by putting actual thought (gasp!) in his cinematography and editing, and the casting of Luke Wilson and Kate Beckinsale tells you right off the bat this might be better than your typical stupid gorefest. Frank Whaley though, is perfect in his demented motel owner role, and almost steals the entire movie based on his memorable introduction scene alone. Keep an eye out for the gorgeous opening titles.

Black Sheep, however, is a tale of missed opportunities. The premise is clever and hilarious enough, but unfortunately the execution falls far short of its potential. The gags never quite plumb the depths of zombie sheep comedy, and the writing's far from sharp, never really mining the possibilities of satire. The movie's populated with stock characters which aren't particularly memorable, and aren't really given much to do besides run around panicking. I thought it was going to be a lot more fun, so I was rather disappointed in its sheer mediocrity and blahness. For a terrific example of the awesomeness that a B-movie is capable of, you should just rent Slither at your neighborhood video store.

Speaking of mediocrity, The Flying Scotsman also has it in spades. It's supposed to depict the highs and lows in the competitive life of Graeme Obree, a Scottish competitive cyclist who broke the world hour record twice, all the while battling with manic depression. While Jonny Lee Miller is decent enough in the role, the movie doesn't really have many dramatic highs and lows at all, and ultimately everything kind of blends together in a rather boring and unchallenging movie. It tells you nothing new about depression, and in fact it rarely even surfaces in the movie, and the way its dealt with is rather perfunctory, even. To be honest, I wouldn't have seen this movie if not for the fact that a local short film was screening with it. Ultimately, it's utterly forgettable, and that's one of the worst verdicts a movie can get.