24/7

I just broke my personal all-time record and saw seven movies in a span of 24 hours, hence the title of this post. In fact, as I'm starting this writing I'm still within that 24-hour period. I think I can either be thought of as a cinephile (or cinewhore, whichever you choose) or the term "wasted youth" might justifiably apply.

The first two were just for fun, and the next five were part of a horror film marathon that ran till 7 am this morning.

Transporter 2
Completely ludicrous, with plot points telegraphed way ahead at every turn, cartoonish (and for some, shrill) performances, and (very) clunky dialogue. But it is rather fun, if you leave your brain at the door. There's a girl whose attire of choice in battle consists of a trenchcoat over skimpy lingerie and semi-automatics strapped to her sides. For no reason whatsoever. And I shall refrain from mentioning the oft-mentioned "flip your car upside-down and use the hook of a crane to remove a bomb strapped to your undercarriage" scene. Oops, I just did. Unfortunately, some sub-standard CGI spoilt certain scenes for me. Look, sometimes boys just need to have fun. More specifically, fun with high-speed chases, guns, explosions and scantily-clad females.

The Legend of Zorro
I liked it. It felt familiar and nostalgic, like the old action movies I used to watch on TV as a kid. Back in the day when Indiana Jones seemed to be rerun every fucking public holiday. Nothing beats a good old fashioned swashbuckling adventure for entertainment, that's for sure. Lucas can take his computer-generated crap and stuff it up his ass. I have to say though, that the most amazing special effect in the entire movie has to be Catherine Zeta-Jones' decolletage. She's running around, jumping up and down and fighting evil-doers, with every move a potential spillage risk. How that neckline manages to stay up is beyond me.

Repulsion
Great psychological piece depicting the mental breakdown of a ridiculously beautiful Catherine Deneuve. The initial slow pacing builds up to taut sequences of tension and then explosive murder. Hallucinatory scenes are artfully done with awesome sound design and none of the annoying flash-jump-cut bullshit of psycho-crap movies today. Probably the best work of Polanski's I've seen so far (I haven't seen Rosemary's Baby in its entirety though, so that opinion might change). But I think by far the most impressive special effect must be Catherine Deneuve, who manages to look absolutely drop-dead gorgeous even when she's a dishevelled madwoman.

The White Reindeer
It was going to be hard to top Repulsion, and well, this movie obviously didn't. An old 1950's Finnish film with the feel of a silent movie and sporadic subtitling, this was really rather repetitive and boring. Perhaps it would've been scary ages ago, but now, there's even a distinct lack of mood. I've seen rave reviews of the gorgeous landscapes and evocative scenery, but all I see are very blah-looking stretches of snow. Add to that over-the-top, bordering on cheesy performances (an early "seductive look" was especially hilarious) and a tissue paper-thin plot that takes forever to get to the point, and you get lots of people nodding off. Basically, woman wishes husband to stay at home more, so she gets a spell and changes into a white reindeer which "no man can resist" and starts luring men to their deaths. Then her husband kills her. The end. It was hilarious how as if to make up for the lack of subtitles throughout, the distributors felt obliged to add pages of text after the end of the movie, basically re-telling the last third of the film.

An American Werewolf in London
By far the most entertaining of the lot. This was a good movie to put in the middle, when everyone's starting to feel tired. It definitely got the audience up and awake, especially compared to the deathly pace of the previous film. What can I say about this that hasn't been said before? Great balance of dark comedy and horror, check. Jaw-dropping (in more ways than one) special effects that are awesome even in the age of CGI, check. Snappy dialogue, check. A finale that begins in a porno theatre - two thumbs (among other appendages) up! Pure genius. How I wish See You Next Wednesday was a real movie...

Vampire Hunter D: Bloodlust
Tedious, overwrought, melodramatic, and pretty much a bore. Some nice cool character designs for bad guys, but nothing more than an excuse to draw nifty characters jumping and carving each other to bits. The characters just talk and talk and talk about how bad they're feeling, and spill out their guts (pun fully intended) and past histories to anyone at the drop of a hat. Then sometimes they fight. There's an attempt at a forbidden-love story between a human and a vampire, but seriously, who the fuck cares? Everyone was too busy snoring away.

The Hunger
Ooh, an arty horror movie. And directed by the King of Excess, Tony Scott, no less! It's pretty evident on hindsight that he was in the process of forming his crazy-jump-cutty, MTV-on-speed style, but compared to his more recent works, this seems rather stylish and cool. I guess the story was decent, but I nodded off a couple of times. There's supposed to be a controversial lesbian sex scene between Catherine Deneuve (still impossibly stunning in her middle age) and Susan Sarandon, but either that was cut by the censors, or I was asleep. Still, I was amazed I was able to formulate a theory about the film at 5 am in the morning. Best thing about it? Bowie, definitely Bowie.

I was fairly uncomfortable throughout the marathon, and in truth couldn't wait for the night to be over. Not only did I have to deal with a cold, and all the dripping of fluids it entailed, I also sat next the Stupidest Girl On The Planet. I don't even know what she was doing at the marathon in the first place. Probably accompanying her boyfriend. Or maybe they mistook it for a Japanese/Korean gorefest.

She's the kind of person that has the habit of making comments that either (a) state the blatantly obvious, or (b) are stupid questions. Here's an example.

Woman hacks man to death with a razor blade.
Stupidest Girl On The Planet: Eee...
Woman then flips over a couch to cover the body.
Stupidest Girl On The Planet: She's mad.

Of course the woman's mad. It was fucking obvious an hour ago when she started imagining cracks appear on the walls and having rape fantasies! Yet her comments on those were:

Imaginary cracks appearing in the walls.
Stupidest Girl On The Planet: Why her house like that one?

Woman having rape fantasies.
Stupidest Girl On The Planet: Who's that guy?

Here are more:

Man gives little reindeer doe to woman.
Stupidest Girl On The Planet: So cute!

Woman bares fangs and leans towards her victim. Cut to snow bank with the sound of his scream.
Stupidest Girl On The Planet: What happen?

Upon The Hunger's ending:
Stupidest Girl On The Planet: Why like that one? So what happen?

That was a question that she often repeated throughout the night.

Seriously, there are people like her walking around with huge sections missing in their brain, or maybe their synapses are burnt out, or something. It's like they're unable to make any connections between events or people. Their powers of reasoning and logic are completely absent. And yet the connections to their mouth and vocal chords seem to be functioning perfectly. It's mind-blowing.

Fortunately as the night wore on the Stupidest Girl On The Planet seemed to get less and less vocal as her tiredness increased. If not, they might've found her head in a trash can or something. I'm not saying anything, just that it could happen.