He's a Woman, He Likes Men

"Do you know that my mom saw Brokeback Mountain before I did?" said I to my friends.

"Really ah? Your mom is so happening!"

But I digress.


There's something about a movie that everyone's raving about, that generates so much excitement and anticipation that nothing short of it being The Best Movie Ever Made will make it live up to the preconceived notions I have of it. It's sad, but I kill some really great movies for myself this way, and I did it again with Brokeback Mountain. I should've read less reviews, listened to less hype, talked to less people about it. But read, listen and talk I did, and after having seen it, I felt really guilty about not liking it more.

Don't get me wrong, I think it's a great film, superbly directed with great restraint and care, with beautifully nuanced performances and wonderful subtlety. It's a rare film where the only complaint I have is Anne Hathaway's monstrously mutated hairdos. I just had unrealistically high expectations of it, which nothing on Earth could live up to.

It's probably the complete opposite of this veteran actor, who expressed that he didn't think it would be that great and ended up being blown away by it, especially by the performances. He's been in the biz long enough to know, and he's a damn fine actor, to boot.

But in my case, perhaps it's because somehow or other my life experiences have left me wanting in certain aspects, that all the regret and repression in the movie couldn't get to me. Or maybe it's because I've locked away those portions of myself and don't want to go there. I don't know. What I do know is that it seems like I have some sort of defect for saying, "I really like it a lot," as opposed to "Best movie of the decade."

That aside, if one day I ever manage to get performances of its calibre from my cast, I would die happy. Heath Ledger is fucking amazing, and even people who had one or two scenes were pitch perfect in their roles.


Speaking of "alternative sexualities", I also saw Transamerica the other day, which also features a bravura lead performance by Felicity Huffman that saves the character from cheap laughs and indignation. It's certainly something to say that she was completely convincing as a transsexual and I never doubted her for a moment. She was easily the best thing about the movie, which while being decent, never really seems to rise above a sweet little road movie, albeit one with lots of gender-bending.

Ever sat next to someone who just wouldn't stop talking throughout the movie? I'm sure you have, as have I. But it's one thing to have someone stating the obvious ("Wah, the King Kong so big!"), it's another thing to have them jumping to completely erroneous conclusions out of sheer ignorance.

These two girls (and we'll get to why I'm calling them that in a minute) were talking loudly just before the movie started, which I can forgive. I've been known to do a bit of chattering myself during the previews. But once the movie starts, you have to shut up. It's only polite.

The movie begins proper. The girl sitting beside me starts making comments and reacting very audibly to what's onscreen. Felicity Huffman shows herself to have a penis in her underwear. "Oh my god!" the girl gasps.

Did she not know what the fuck the movie was about?

Later on, a character is revealed as being a hustler offering gay sexual services. Immediately, the girl's companion turns to her.

"Omigod he's gay!"

"Really?"

"Yah, his father is a gay, and he's one also. Must be a family thing."

First of all, Huffman's character is a transsexual, which has nothing to do with being gay. Second, just because someone offers gay sex for money, doesn't mean he's automatically gay, just like you can't assume all hookers offering straight sex are all straight themselves. And third, what do you mean, "a family thing"? If that's not prejudice and ignorance, I don't know what is.

Never mind, I stay quiet. More inane comments and reactions follow.

In another scene, the hustler character comes on to a trucker and follows him back to his truck for sex. The girl beside me starts cringing and going, "Omigod, gross! Ee-yer... (which in our context is the equivalent of "eww...")"

This is an R21 movie, meaning only adults above 21 can view it. If you chose to see this film, then I'm assuming you know something about it, and if you can't take alternative sexualities and lifestyles then you have no right to be in the audience. That you should come in and behave like a fucking high school girl is beyond forgiveness; it is simply unacceptable. I can't take it anymore, her sheer idiocy is getting to me.

"Can you kindly keep your homophobic comments to yourself? Thank you very much."

I know "homophobic" isn't exactly the right word to use, but the alternative would've been "ignorant bitch", which I'm not sure she would've liked much better.

She turns to me, shocked, affronted, and indignant. "What's your problem?"

"My problem is you." (Man, I've always wanted to say that to someone!)

We sit in relative silence for the rest of the movie. Then as the credits roll, she turns to me.

"I just want to tell you that I'm not homophobic. I was just saying that he's such a poor thing because he has to prostitute himself for money. It was very rude of you."

I couldn't believe her audacity. Here she was, annoying everyone around her throughout the whole movie, and she calls me rude? Jesus fucking Christ, if I was Dick Cheney I would've pumped her full of lead there and then.

"If you're not homophobic, then what was all the 'ee-yer' and 'gross' about? And you're talking about 'rude' with me, when you've been talking nonstop through the movie? Just ask the people around you. So just stop, I don't want anything more out of you."

OK, I admit, "homophobic" was probably not a better word than "ignorant bitch" at that point. But whatever. I had to stand by my word choices; it's not like I had a fucking thesaurus with me. Anyway I stormed off, with my friend telling me to calm down, and me saying, "Fucking bitch" in a voice just loud enough to be overheard.

I think I've suggested this before, the notion of an intelligence test before one was allowed into a theatre. I still stand by it. Hell, maybe we should just weed out all the idiots and gas them or something. Genetic cleansing never sounded more attractive.

Addendum: Check out Tim's great review of Brokeback Mountain. The man certainly has a way with words.