Inane Conversationalists
What's a foolproof way to fall sick?
Work long hours for four days straight, with the last day ending at 1am. Then wake up at 8am the next morning to return a rental pickup truck. Follow that up with an insanely hot day at the beach. My nose was dripping continuously, which really makes the beach not much fun at all; I couldn't even nap. It got to the point where I used up all my tissues and had to resort to buying a pack of napkins at the 7-11.
But that's not the main point of this post. This post is about Inane Conversationalists.
While trying my damnedest to fall asleep, I had the privilege to overhear some scintillating conversation. It was an exchange between a guy and a girl sitting nearby. Apparently they didn't really know each other before today, but had mutual friends. So the guy seemed to be either really trying very hard to make conversation, or he was trying to pick her up - none too successfully, I might add.
In fact, it made me want to take my pen and pierce my eardrums so I wouldn't have to hear them any more.
An example:
Guy: (referring to his job) I mean, I like it, but I just get sick of it sometimes. Like when I've worked two or three weekends in a row. Then it just irks me.
Girl: So you don't really have regular hours?
Guy: No, not really. It's in cycles. Sometimes there's a long cycle, sometimes there's a short cycle. Sometimes there's more time, sometimes less.
Girl: So there are different periods-
Guy: Yes, it's periodic.
Kill me now. I mean, what the fuck is he talking about? His sentences don't make sense at all. And it was really obvious he was trying very hard to impress the girl. Ugh. Pathetic.
Another example:
Guy: I listen to many different kinds of music. Like trance, Chinese music, pop, rock... There's no hard and fast rule. The only thing I can't stand is R&B.
Everyone should just keep this rule of thumb in mind: If ever in doubt, please do not use a phrase at all. Almost anything can be replaced with another word or phrase - it's called a fucking synonym. If it's used in blatant error (Hard and fast rule? What the fuck?), it just makes you look like a bloody moron.
So not only was he inane, he annoyed me with his bad English.
And apparently he'd studied in the UK for several years. What are they teaching them over there?
Inane Convesationalists like these grow up to become Old Inane Conversationalists, like one of the actors on my recent shoot.
The scenario: Me, the director, and this part-time actor sit around a table having some coffee, waiting for the crew to arrive.
Actor: So, now that you're one company, how does all this affect you guys?
Awkward pause. He doesn't seem to notice.
Me: Um, not too much.
The director sips his coffee and looks away.
Actor: But now there's only one English channel. You have to take in their staff and all that.
I shrug.
Actor: Maybe it's not too bad at your side. I heard they have it pretty bad over there. Lots of retrenchments.
Director sips his coffee. I drag on my cigarette.
Me: It happens.
I can take no more. I get up and walk away.
My god. How can he be so fucking oblivious? Does the word "inappropriate" not exist in his dictionary? Yes, I know he's in his fifties, but advanced age shouldn't be equal to social stupidity.
Another example: We are in a flat. The actress playing his wife has brought along a friend from London. She's a black woman who looks very cool and has a very sexy British accent. But anyhow, he spends over half an hour talking to her on various topics, which include the following:
IQ, EQ and CQ (Don't ask me what that is, I don't know).
The proper way to address black people.
Why people who work out are "selfish".
And other such gems.
Reading the papers a lot does not make one more knowledgeable. It just makes people like him think they are knowledgeable and they become complete pricks. The poor woman was trying so hard to put an end to the conversation, but she was too polite to just tell him to shut the fuck up. Me and the director looked at each other and just grimaced. We felt sorry for her, but in a way, we were glad he was otherwise preoccupied so we had him off our backs.
One thing though, the more he went on, the more shame he made me feel. Shame that I was a Singaporean, like him.
There is only one way to stop these Inane Conversationalists before they take over the world. We should all be equipped with handguns, so whenever we come across someone so completely inane, we can just shoot them in the head.
The same thing goes for people who simply do not have the ability but insist on using erroneous phrases that they don't understand in their correspondence or speech. Just fucking shoot them all.
One last thing. I know the use of the word "conversationalist" isn't entirely accurate here, according to its dictionary definition (I actually do look words up if I have doubts about their proper usage), but in my defense, I have one word for you.
Irony.
Work long hours for four days straight, with the last day ending at 1am. Then wake up at 8am the next morning to return a rental pickup truck. Follow that up with an insanely hot day at the beach. My nose was dripping continuously, which really makes the beach not much fun at all; I couldn't even nap. It got to the point where I used up all my tissues and had to resort to buying a pack of napkins at the 7-11.
But that's not the main point of this post. This post is about Inane Conversationalists.
While trying my damnedest to fall asleep, I had the privilege to overhear some scintillating conversation. It was an exchange between a guy and a girl sitting nearby. Apparently they didn't really know each other before today, but had mutual friends. So the guy seemed to be either really trying very hard to make conversation, or he was trying to pick her up - none too successfully, I might add.
In fact, it made me want to take my pen and pierce my eardrums so I wouldn't have to hear them any more.
An example:
Guy: (referring to his job) I mean, I like it, but I just get sick of it sometimes. Like when I've worked two or three weekends in a row. Then it just irks me.
Girl: So you don't really have regular hours?
Guy: No, not really. It's in cycles. Sometimes there's a long cycle, sometimes there's a short cycle. Sometimes there's more time, sometimes less.
Girl: So there are different periods-
Guy: Yes, it's periodic.
Kill me now. I mean, what the fuck is he talking about? His sentences don't make sense at all. And it was really obvious he was trying very hard to impress the girl. Ugh. Pathetic.
Another example:
Guy: I listen to many different kinds of music. Like trance, Chinese music, pop, rock... There's no hard and fast rule. The only thing I can't stand is R&B.
Everyone should just keep this rule of thumb in mind: If ever in doubt, please do not use a phrase at all. Almost anything can be replaced with another word or phrase - it's called a fucking synonym. If it's used in blatant error (Hard and fast rule? What the fuck?), it just makes you look like a bloody moron.
So not only was he inane, he annoyed me with his bad English.
And apparently he'd studied in the UK for several years. What are they teaching them over there?
Inane Convesationalists like these grow up to become Old Inane Conversationalists, like one of the actors on my recent shoot.
The scenario: Me, the director, and this part-time actor sit around a table having some coffee, waiting for the crew to arrive.
Actor: So, now that you're one company, how does all this affect you guys?
Awkward pause. He doesn't seem to notice.
Me: Um, not too much.
The director sips his coffee and looks away.
Actor: But now there's only one English channel. You have to take in their staff and all that.
I shrug.
Actor: Maybe it's not too bad at your side. I heard they have it pretty bad over there. Lots of retrenchments.
Director sips his coffee. I drag on my cigarette.
Me: It happens.
I can take no more. I get up and walk away.
My god. How can he be so fucking oblivious? Does the word "inappropriate" not exist in his dictionary? Yes, I know he's in his fifties, but advanced age shouldn't be equal to social stupidity.
Another example: We are in a flat. The actress playing his wife has brought along a friend from London. She's a black woman who looks very cool and has a very sexy British accent. But anyhow, he spends over half an hour talking to her on various topics, which include the following:
IQ, EQ and CQ (Don't ask me what that is, I don't know).
The proper way to address black people.
Why people who work out are "selfish".
And other such gems.
Reading the papers a lot does not make one more knowledgeable. It just makes people like him think they are knowledgeable and they become complete pricks. The poor woman was trying so hard to put an end to the conversation, but she was too polite to just tell him to shut the fuck up. Me and the director looked at each other and just grimaced. We felt sorry for her, but in a way, we were glad he was otherwise preoccupied so we had him off our backs.
One thing though, the more he went on, the more shame he made me feel. Shame that I was a Singaporean, like him.
There is only one way to stop these Inane Conversationalists before they take over the world. We should all be equipped with handguns, so whenever we come across someone so completely inane, we can just shoot them in the head.
The same thing goes for people who simply do not have the ability but insist on using erroneous phrases that they don't understand in their correspondence or speech. Just fucking shoot them all.
One last thing. I know the use of the word "conversationalist" isn't entirely accurate here, according to its dictionary definition (I actually do look words up if I have doubts about their proper usage), but in my defense, I have one word for you.
Irony.
posted by cinewhore @ 12:37 AM
2 mindfucks
2 Comments:
this is what ppl call "gong lan jiao wei."
Actually. Use a knife. It's more painful for him and in that way, you can transfer the pain you felt from listening to him back to him. Also if you inflict about 40 stab wounds, you get off with a life sentence and not murder. Which is pretty cool. Just don't bend over.
gimme some mindfuckery
<< Home