Looking Back at Screen Singapore

Back in August, there was a retrospect showcasing Singapore-produced films from the latest hits all the way back to the 1950's. I wasn't extremely motivated about it initially, thinking that probably no one would want to go with me (like I said, I don't like watching movies alone now). But surprise, surprise (well, not that huge a surprise, really), someone was, and that was all the motivation it took for me to go a little overboard and hit eight screenings in a little over a week.

I could've hit even more, if not for the fact that some screenings were completely sold out by the time I got off my lazy ass and actually bought tickets. Which kinda pisses me off, since I'd missed some of these in theatres because of I was away, and would really like a chance to see them now, even if they were (supposedly) rather bad. I fully expect the same thing to happen with the Asian Film Symposium, now ongoing at the Substation. Festival schedules are such a bitch to read, I really need a long time to get over the inertia.

Here's some quick comments on what I saw, in the order that I saw them in.

獅子城 (Lion City)
This was probably the first local Chinese movie to be made. I wanted to see it mainly for historical reasons, so I went in with no expectations. I sure as hell wasn't expecting such a good time. You know those movies that are so damn bad they're great? This was one of them. It started off with establishing shots of Singapore during the 1960's, which was interesting since I kinda missed that period of existence. And then very quickly slid down the slippery slope of bad romance.

Everything that could be wrong was wrong: Shoddy sets, bad acting, miscasting (that's a romantic lead?), stilted dialogue, ham-fisted plotting (including plot holes so large you could fit Sentosa through them), unmotivated camera moves, nonsensical edits, entire sequences of exposition, characters who came on and delivered their exposition and left, over-enthusiastic moralizing, ridiculously long establishing scenes... the list goes on. So it's a terrible romantic drama. But it definitely makes for great comedy. We couldn't stop laughing, it was a riot from start to finish.

A guy and a girl are walking in a coconut plantation in Malaysia. Apparently they've been strolling for at least three to four hours, since in the previous scene it was broad daylight and now it's deepest night.

Girl: (while awkwardly leaning back against Guy on the trunk of a coconut tree) I'd forgotten we were walking in a plantation.
Guy: That's because you're in my arms.
Girl: (runs over to a bridge over a little stream) Look at the moon! It's reflecting in the water.
Guy: Just like the love for you in my heart.
Girl: Quick, let's scoop it up!

I swear, at this point, tears were running down my face from laughing so hard. I don't even laugh this hard at comedies! All in all, money most definitely well-spent.

Labu dan Labi (Labu and Labi)
I wanted to try something by P. Ramlee, who's somewhat of a legend these here parts, but unfortunately this didn't turn out to be a good representative of his work. Somehow with comedy, the harder you seem like you're trying, the more tedious and less funny it seems, and everyone tries very hard here. But there's no getting around the children's cartoon-like scripting and the non-existent plot, which features two slapstick servants diving with abandon into their daydreams at any given excuse. After a few scenarios like a Tarzan scene, a Western scene, and for no reason at all, a fashion show right smack in the middle of the movie, I was ready to swear off old local comedies forever.

Zombie Dogs (a.k.a. Eat, Shit, Fuck and Die)
The less said about this self-indulgent, masturbatory flick the better. With a runtime of 61 minutes, my question is: Why couldn't it have been shorter? You know, something like 30 seconds? It's a case of having one tiny little point in your argument, and beating it over your target audience's head for over an hour, and pissing them off terribly in the process, until their response is just simply, "Fuck off".

Sumpah Pontianak (Curse of the Vampire)
The evil pontianak (female vampire) becomes a hero in this one! It nicely establishes that we are to sympathize with her right at very beginning when she has a tearful soliloquy at her dead father's grave, and then as it goes on we realize it's something of a Frankenstein story. The poor misunderstood vampire! All she's trying to do is live a normal life and get a job (yes, a job, I kid you not - this cracked me up to no end). But the bad monsters won't leave the villages alone, and she gets the blame. Boo hoo. And when these bad monsters have a tendency to abduct your nubile daughter, you'd bare your fangs too. At least they have the decency to wait until the mimes have finished performing onstage and the audience is clapping before they strike. How considerate.

Cheesy effects aside (I still haven't gotten over the spectacularly awful flying scenes), it's actually a pretty fun ride, if you can fall asleep during the boring bits. Unfortunately, given the uneven pacing, they make up quite a bit of the movie. And for no reason at all, someone sings a song about satay not once, but twice.

Forever Fever
What great fun! I totally regret not seeing this when it came out in theatres. Adrian Pang is charismatic and loads of fun, and Pam Oei as his sister is drop-dead hilarious. Great dance sequences, an entertaining underdog tale, and loads of local celeb cameos. What more can you ask for?

I was disappointed they projected it fullscreen. Then later it got very distracting when the boom kept creeping into shots. In one of the wide shots the entire boom pole was visible! Then later I realized that the idiots were simply projecting it at the wrong size! If it'd been blown up big enough, the aspect ratio would've been normal widescreen, and the top and bottom would've been cut off, hiding the boom.

So please, a little more thought when projecting your films would be much appreciated.

Cleopatra Wong
I thought this would be a fun, campy ride. I mean, she's like a female James Bond, for crying out loud. But unfortunately while the fun elements were there, the slack pacing and overlong, unexciting action setpieces killed everything. There's really not much to be written about this. But any movie that has evil nuns who counterfeit Asian currencies can't be all bad. We all know the evils that Catholic nuns have brought into the world - overhigh birth rates, widespread unneeded guilt, not to mention convent schools - so this really isn't that far of a stretch at all. And there's something to be said about gunning down huge numbers of crooks who're dressed as nuns in a place of worship and spilling copious amounts of blood in the process.

橋的兩岸 (The Two Sides of the Bridge)
What a terrible way to end the series. A preachy, moralistic drama that draws the distinction between black and white in broad, childish strokes - drinking, smoking, gambling, wanting to make money: BAD; working in factory and being content: GOOD. One of those movies where I was sorely tempted to walk out (which is pretty rare), and only because I was so completely offended by the characters on their moral high-horses (which has happened pretty much never). I hated all of them. And of course, when you're busy moralizing, a coherent script isn't your highest priority. But it was fun seeing some familiar supporting faces back when they were young and their faces unlined.

However, I also realized a scary thing. Everything the leading lady said, all her oh-so-proper ways, her "work hard, not smart" mindset - all of it sounded terribly familiar. And then it hit me: These were my parents onscreen. Their generation, brainwashed into becoming the mindless, propaganda-following drones they were. No wonder they are that way, if even the popular entertainment of their time was so preachy.

So overall, the festival was so-so. A couple of hits, a couple of dismal failures, a couple of middling ones. Not unlike any other typical festival. Now I just need someone to give me a shove out of my couch to check out the Asian Film Symposium...