All By Myself

I never used to have a problem being alone. In fact, I used to relish it. After all, it wasn't easy to find myself all alone while growing up, what with a younger brother, (over) protective parents, and tons of people to mix with in school. In those rare moments when I did find myself alone, I had time to think, to space out, to do whatever the hell I wanted, which was usually nothing.

As I got older, I enjoyed going to the movies alone. After all, watching movies is a pretty anti-social activity in itself. Even if you go with friends, it's bad etiquette to talk to each other during the show. So basically you sit there, together yet not together, each one absorbed in his or her individual interaction with the screen.

Besides, when I started going to offbeat films that weren't your typical multiplex fodder, it was also a little hard to get people to go with me. And the sheer number of movies I saw a year would put anyone off being my constant movie companion. Perhaps this explains the lack of a dating life then, huh?

I also enjoyed walking down the busy streets in town alone, brushing shoulders with the anonymous mass of humanity thronging by me, looking at everyone else's faces, wondering about their stories. Just me and my discman (later graduating to an MD player).

When I was in college, it got worse. The number of films I watched swelled to titanic proportions, and I quickly gave up any hope of ever accomodating anyone else's schedule into my personal movie-going habits. Of course, it was always fun to go with people, especially film majors, and bitch and discuss the movie afterwards. But the sheer effort involved in these enterprises usually put me off.

Of course, it didn't help that to save money I usually ended up spending an entire day in a cineplex, hopping from one theatre to the next without paying more. I remember the research I used to do, downloading movie times from the internet and printing them out every Friday (which was when new movies opened), then matching the films with the theatre they were playing in at the local multiplex. Then I had to see how long the movies I wanted to see were, and how I could best fit them together without having huge gaps in between.

Here came the tricky part. The local multiplex was divided into two separate sections, one for arthouse fare and the other for mainstream movies. You couldn't mix and match, your only hope of theatre-hopping was if you stayed at one side. To make matters worse, the arthouse side (where I was wont to do most of my hopping) was tiny, which made it difficult to sneak around without being seen by the usher at the end of the corridor.

Ah, those were the days. Now I have to pay for every fucking movie I see. Bah.

Anyway, for reasons unfathomable to me, I have since grown weary of watching movies alone. Simply put, I hate it. I don't know exactly when it started, I just know that somewhere during the year that's elapsed since I returned to Singapore, I began to crave the company of others during a movie.

Now I have a certain method I use. Whenever I want to see something, I ask the few people I go with the most, bearing in mind their typical preferences and trying to assign different genres to different people. Then if that fails, I gradually expand outwards in concentric circles, asking people whom I see maybe once a month or so... and so on so forth. I usually give up after the second or third circle, because it can get really tiring. Then I just cave and see it myself, albeit feeling somewhat disgruntled.

I don't know why it is I need company now though, when I've never needed it before. I mean, it was nice to have, but not really essential, you know. I was perfectly happy on my own. But now, it seems that being alone with the movie isn't enough. I need to feel that elbow fighting with me for the armrest. The presence of a familiar figure in the next seat. The little sniffles or coughs. Being able to discuss the movie with someone after a viewing. Hell, even laughing at and bitching about a terrible movie that we've shared. And nothing quite beats the feeling of bringing someone to a great movie they knew nothing about and have them tell you later they loved it. Even if it is for all the wrong reasons (you know, like a movie that's so bad it's good).

Perhaps I'm becoming a needy, clingy, sentimental idiot in my old age (hey, I have passed the quarter-century mark, you know. I'm old). Perhaps I just crave the company of old friends more as I get older. Hell, perhaps it's a sign my dating habits need more work. Whatever it is, if I call you up for a movie, please take pity on this ol' fool and humor me as far as possible, OK? It makes my job easier if I don't have to move on to the next circle.

Now, who's up for Land of the Dead? It'll be a good bad movie, and you know it.