A Letter

To Whom It May Concern,

I was walking along the street in the Mohamed Sultan area a few weeks ago when an extremely traumatic incident occured. There were trees lining the sidewalk, and apparently some branches had fallen off and were lying on the ground. Unsuspectingly, I stepped on one of them, and heard a satisfying "crack", as I typically will. However, when I took my next step, the branch moved along with my foot.

I thought it was just stuck on the bottom on my slipper. Even though the enlightened government that we have has banned chewing gum, there must still be some delinquent gum-chewers somewhere in the nation. Perhaps one of them had spit out his gum onto the branch, and that was why it stuck. I stepped on part of the branch with my other foot and wrenched the affected limb upwards.

The branch broke, but part of it still remained stuck onto my slipper. Curious, I removed the slipper and lifted it up for a look. What I saw has been etched into my memory forever.

There was a spike in the branch, and this spike had somehow pierced right through my slipper and was sticking out the top of it. Half a centimetre to either side and it would've stabbed my toes. A shiver ran up my spine at this narrowly-averted disaster.

Now these were not cheap-ass slippers I bought at the local neighborhood store. These were Topman slippers, from the UK, which cost S$19 a pair (S$9 after discount). The Topman name denotes quality, so it must not have been the slippers that were defective.

Rather, it has to be the trees. They have become a hazard to pedestrians, what with their penchant for dropping spiky branches. Imagine, what if a kid fell down and his eye came into contact with the spike? What then?

I propose that the government should take immediate drastic measures to prevent such a tragedy from every occuring. All the trees in the Mohamed Sultan area need to be cleared. I target that zone because I don't see trees in other areas dropping branches. There must be something in the water there. Too much booze or something. Or perhaps it is a terrorist scheme.

The government has never hesitated in protecting us from ourselves before. The ratings system, censorship on the TV, in the newspapers, the archaic justice system, the lack of freedom of speech - all these are for our own good. How can we be expected to grow and thrive with alternative views and distractions all around us? Since it has always been so pro-active in this area, the government also needs to realize that the public also needs to be protected from external threats. Yes, it has done well in that respect - I certainly feel a lot safer with all those armed personnel walking around our public transport system, ready to shoot to kill - but there is an additional threat which now needs to be addressed.

That threat consists of the aforementioned trees.

Please. Kill the trees. Think of the children.

Sincerely,

The Cinewhore