My Weekend

Spraying lots of insect repellent on my arms and legs only to get bitten on my back.

Getting mud all over my white sneakers - I hate that squelching sound mud makes when it sucks your foot in.

Sleeping in a bed on a set made up to look like an army bunk.

Ending that sleep in 15 minutes to go to the next day's shoot.

Re-writing lines on the spot to accomodate an actor with such a poor command of English he completely mangles any dialogue above three lines and any word with three syllables or above.

Frantic calls to the executive producer and head writer about cutting down scripts for the abovementioned actor.

Going over-schedule, then under-schedule, then over again. Every single day.

Blacking out repeatedly at the wheel due to a lack of sleep (I'm still doing that today).

The ADs and I taking turns to fall asleep on set.

Ordering ten burgers from MacDonald's, only to leave with five (their mistake), and getting lots of free food when I returned for the remainder.

Yelling at a lot of kid extras.

Smoking in school.

Eating lots of leftover crap that was used on set.

Feeling awful afterwards - crap doesn't digest well.

Eating lots of other crap for meals.

Drinking far too little water.

Smoking far too much.

Taking a cold shower after 15 minutes sleep, in a bathroom with a busted lock. Brrr!

Being flabbergasted at a director's very loose interpretation of the meaning of sticking to a schedule.

Warning an actor about a mental extra who makes up constantly changing stories about his occupation and life.

Someone getting a blowjob in the carpark where we were shooting a night scene at. Unfortunately only the actors saw it, and they didn't call any of the crew to shoot it. Selfish bastards.

Laughing a lot. Amazing how silly things become absolutely hilarious when you're running on empty.

The director making up lyrics and the actor making up a tune on the spot, and teaching the whole cast to sing it in thirty seconds.

Moving a bed in the middle of the wilderness.

An actress replying, "Luckily I have no boobs" when the director asked her to squeeze against a mahjong table.

Making ridiculously good hands for the players of a mahjong game, combinations of tiles that you'd probably only get once in your lifetime. 十三夭, 大四喜, 大三元, etc.

Being very, very exhausted.

That's what I remember of my weekend. I hope you had a better one.