We Suck

As I passed Tampines MRT station earlier today, there was a fat woman sprawled on the ground. Did I say fat? I meant clinically obese. She had a mat on the floor, and surrounding her was stuff like tissue paper which she was selling. But she lay on her side, dead to the world. In fact, one would think she really was dead.

I glanced at her and walked on, as did everyone else. But as I walked to the ATM, I thought that was rather selfish of me. She might very well be dead. With all that fat on her, I wouldn't be surprised if she had a coronary just getting out of bed in the morning. I didn't want to be an unthinking, self-absorbed bastard like the typical Singaporean, so I made up my mind to check up on her on my way back.

And I did. Kind of. I stood about three feet away and looked at her distended, pale belly. It was rising and falling regularly. She was breathing. She was alive, just sleeping. I walked away, satisfied with myself.

On my way home, the thought came to me. Why had I just stood there? Why couldn't I have woken her up and checked if she really was OK? Sure, she smelled funny, but she was a fellow human being. At least I could have shown that little bit more concern for her. She wasn't dead, that much was certain, but what if she'd had a stroke? What if she'd been gravely ill? I passed a dead cat lying in the middle of the street, guts strewn across two traffic lanes. Not a good sign.

You hear these stories all the time. People fall in the street, or get hurt in a traffic accident, or get molested or something. And everyone around them just stands and watches. That's Singapore for you. A nation of watchers. We don't want to get involved. We're taught not to stand out from the crowd. If you help, you're standing out. You're actively involving yourself in someone else's business, and we don't do that. Not if it's a stranger. Hell, especially if it's a stranger. They could be out to mug you, or they could be part of some setup for a TV show. Basically you don't want to risk losing face.

But that's absolute bullshit. The truth of the matter is, we are a horrible people. Singaporeans are some of the most uncaring, selfish people I have ever known. We're terribly quick to call in on charity shows where our favorite stars perform, but on the street, one to one, we have cold, cold hearts. Our masturbatory tendencies towards navel gazing and self-aggrandizing makes us brag and spout crap like what an economic power we are, and how clean and beautiful our city is, but who gives a shit. Seriously, it doesn't matter when we are so fucked up inside.

Fact is, even though I try not to be, a part of me is like that too. I was a medic once, I should be trying to help people if they seem to be having some medical trouble on the street. Instead I just look and if they're breathing, I walk on. I couldn't even be bothered to ask her how she was feeling. I'd even ignored her the first time. What a bastard.

I disgust me.

Next time. Next time I see someone like that, I'll step up to the task. I'll ask them how they're feeling. And if they yell at me for waking them up, so be it. Thing is, you never know. You might get yelled at, but then again, you might be saving a life. What's more important? Your stupid pride, or a fellow human being?

Next time.