Deep Blue Funk

Am terribly groggy today. Maybe the lack of sleep on Friday has finally caught up with me. I was surprised I didn't just pass out in the daytime this whole weekend.

Terrible blue funk. Depression. Blah-ness. Whatever you call it.

No reason. Meaningless. Why?

I don't wanna be here. I don't wanna do anything.

Can I just lie by the pool in the sun and nap?

I don't wanna think, don't wanna do, don't wanna feel. Anything. Nothing at all.

Fuck.

Emptiness. Redundancy. Incoherence. Disgust. Random thoughts spiralling into the abyss that is my soul. No, make that just emptiness. Not even random thoughts exist.

Stream-of-consciousness typing. Free association.

Fish. Curling edges of copier paper. Mountains of papers. Phone numbers. Dead bodies. I don't wanna pick up the phone again. Video tapes. Dreary, life-sucking fluorescent lights. Annoying high-pitched voice laughing. Fucking bitch. Shut up.

Dead. Gone. I wanna see pretty clouds. Pretty things.

Picking at food. No appetite. Zero. I just wanna pass out. Maybe for ever.

It would be nice to get really really sick and not have to get out of bed for a week or two.

Kill me now.

Fuck.

Need water. Fill my brain with stuff. No, fill it with nothing, the nothing-ier the better. Clear my head. Need a brainwash.

Rejection, depression, multiplication. Doesn't make sense? It doesn't to me too.

I just type this shit. I don't think about it.