...Never Been Sicker

I must admit upfront, I have a weak stomach. Or possibly it's overactive, because my vomit tolerance is incredibly low. That might explain both my incredible capacity for digestion and why it doesn't take much for me to empty the contents of my belly after a low number of drinks (say... between five and ten? I never really counted). On the other hand, it ensures that I stay relatively sober even when I drink and so I rarely get completely trashed. Not that I don't want to drink any more, but anything else that goes down just goes right back up, regardless of what I think or feel.

People who drink can roughly be divided into two categories. The first are the type who are able to drink a whole bunch, get piss-drunk, and pitch fuck-all into what usually translates into hilarity or annoyance to other people. The second are the type who tend to stay relatively sober and in return get to clean up puke off hardwood floors, carpets, make frequent trips to the bathroom to check on people passed out inside, etc. I usually find myself in the second group, and to my memory, have only occasionally ventured into Category One territory. A particularly memorable (in all the wrong ways) one was at the party held after the directing premiere where I didn't show my film. Note to self: drinking a shot with every single person that walks through the door is usually not a good idea at a party. Doing those shots within a single half-hour is an even worse idea. But hey, whatever it is, I've never puked on someone else's floor before - I'm somehow always able to get to a bathroom or outside.

Not that I get very pissed off at Category One people. When I drink, I usually do it with friends, and I don't get pissed off easily at friends. It's random Category One strangers at parties that I find annoying. With friends, it's all good. I've cleaned vomit off floors, wiped it off from someone's hair, carried someone downstairs, given more glasses of warm water than I can remember, held hands, checked pulses and breathing (although that wasn't entirely due to drinking... ah, Dillo Day) among other things, and I'm totally cool with all that. So, I mean, don't be afraid to get piss-drunk in my presence or feel you have to hold back because you don't wanna cause me trouble, because I genuinely don't mind doing shit like this. That is, if I'm somewhat more sober than you are. If I'm not, then I don't give a rat's ass anyway, and you can do whatever the hell you like.

Some particularly memorable puking situations:
At 809 Noyes where three people were puking simultaneously.
Liquid vomit cascading down someone's chest because she just bent her head and hurled standing up. It looked like a waterfall.
#2 tossing his cookies first on my entranceway carpet, then over the ledge of the balcony. No hard feelings, yo.
Getting stopped by the police while walking a drunken girl home to CRC, then getting in the back of the police car because the officer insisted on giving us a ride. Immediately realizing it was a terrible idea (not that we could have done anything differently) because the girl proceeded to hurl all over the inside of the car, making a trip to the hospital somewhat mandatory, coupled with the fact that she kept on moaning, "I'm underage, my parents are going to kill me, I'm not telling you my name."
Finding chunks of vomit in my bathtub after a party.
Someone puking on the floor and then rolling in their own vomit while semi-conscious.
Getting drunk at an army function and puking out the back window of a cab on the highway.
Throwing up over the side of an overhead bridge and getting most of it on my new shoes instead.
Spending far more time hugging the toilet at my own party than standing up.

But puking aside, it's always interesting to me how people behave when they're drunk. I've been told I sometimes get extremely friendly - I was giving hugs to everyone at a party... then again it was also the day I drank a shot with everyone who walked through the door, so no big surprise there. Some people get very talkative and start yakking about everything under the sun. Some get all philosophical, though not in a coherent manner. Some get depressed as fuck and cry. And some just get belligerent.

Then there are the competitive type. Whatever you do, do not get two competitive types in a drinking session together. Inevitably, they will end up challenging each other and one or both will end up under the table. Funny thing is, they don't usually show their competitiveness that much. Sure, everyone knows they're driven people and all, but not in such a vocal, aggressive way. When it gets to the stage where one person is hurling taunts while the other is rolling on the ground incoherently threatening bodily harm and swearing to high heaven, then it's probably time to go "uh-oh" and physically separate the two.

And of course, never forget the saying:
Beer before Liquor,
Never been Sicker.
Liquor before Beer,
You're in the Clear.

[Thanks to Weixuan for providing the last line. Over drinks on New Year's Day, no less.]

Kind of a lame note to end this post on. But whatever. Time for a drink.

Maybe next time I'll be the one to get completely trashed. I'm kinda hoping it happens. It's not an entirely terrible feeling, at least it makes one less depressed. I mean, you're kinda feeling too physically sick to feel depressed, so maybe it's a good thing.

Modified on 6 Jan 2005