One-Word Movie Reviews

I know everyone's busy. We have no time to do anything that we should actually spend time on. We read news headlines scrolling by on the bottom of our TV screens. We make mashed potatoes from a powdered mix (sacrilege!). We can barely tear ourselves away from our workstations, though god knows what the hell we're doing there.

As such, I am proud to announce a brand-new feature of this blog: One-Word Movie Reviews.

Think about it, an entire movie review distilled into a single word. It's not a star rating, those aren't quite specific enough. After all, what difference is there between a 3-star movie and a 3-1/2-star one? I don't quite know. But a word... so much more meaning lies behind a single word.

Some might say it's impossible to convey a movie in one word. I beg to differ. I think there are occasions on which one word more than suffices. For example, in reviewing Showgirls, #1 suggested "juicy", and I decided to go for "wet". Both are pretty effective, I think, in conveying the sleazefest and amazingness that Verhoeven made.

So, without further ado, I present the inaugural edition of Cinewhore's One-Word Movie Reviews!

Clean
dir. Olivier Assayas
stars Maggie Cheung & Nick Nolte
Hmm~.

Cellular
dir. David R. Ellis (who?)
stars Kim Basinger, William H. Macy, & some dude I don't give a shit about
Meh.

Thankyouverymuch.